Tuesday, February 16, 2010

My First Entry for Magpie Tales ***


Her Cup Runneth Over


She lay on the bed next to him, after, the white sheets rumpled and bunched, the coverlet halfway on the floor.  The sun beat mercilessly through the sheer curtain and threw its late-afternoon bands over the antiques on the dresser, illuminating the delicate filigree on the pewter cup. It grazed her leg and fell over his hairless chest. The air-conditioner had blown out quite suddenly, the usual hum silenced. Sweat beaded over both of them, and they closed their eyes, he soon asleep, gently snoring. She saw the light growing dimmer through her half-closed lids, breathed as the sweat dried and grew cool. She felt as if she were in a small wooden boat, pulling at oars that made no headway in a vast, white ocean. He was not in the boat but of the ocean and she was traveling away. She felt almost nauseous at the expanse between them, reached out to steady herself, the sun finally down, the room dark.


***Willow of Life at Willow Manor has begun a community creative writing blog called Magpie Tales and is giving a photographic prompt each Thursday. Each writer will use the prompt to create a piece of fiction or poem and post the following Tuesday. Read more about it HERE. 

25 comments:

rebecca said...

lovely. haunting. you swept me away....reaching for a compass.

how often have we breathed the same air beside someone we love and dwelt in unimaginable separateness?

willow said...

This is a GORgeous piece of writing, Elizabeth. I can't wait to see more of your offerings. wow!

deb said...

I was waiting for this as soon as I saw your name in the list.
You went beyond ...
Fabulous , Elizabeth.

amy said...

I don't recall who said it, but it's a quote I repeat often:

" A good writer tells you it's raining; a great writer gives you the feeling of being rained upon"

It was a treat to read this piece from a great writer today!

tysdaddy said...

Yep. What they said. Simply amazing writing, my friend.

Vicki Lane said...

A fascinating piece -- most sensuous.

Kimmie said...

beautiful .... I have felt exactly that way .... I sometimes imagine I'm in a liferaft ....

kristenspina said...

Beautiful piece. A perfectly captured moment.

Criticlasm said...

Wow--that's really cool. I'll have to pass that along...

NightSwimmer said...

Gasp! Oh my. Oh crap. (in a good way) Oh awesome. That was beautiful writing. And I can't wait to join in the fun!

karen gerstenberger said...

WOW - that is beautiful. I could feel it as I read it. Thank you for posting it.

Ronda Laveen said...

So close and yet so far away from each other. Wonderfully depicted. Thanks.

Brian Miller said...

wonderfully written and haunting indeed. loved the imagery of the ocean and the boat...though a boat will never escape the water on which she glides...will she?

Allegra Smith said...

Stunning! evocative and intense, leaving me wanting for more.

Mary said...

Wow. WOW! Will you keep going, please?

tori said...

I agree with many of the other commentors...I want more. Lovely!

PattyF said...

What a captivating piece. Wonderful!

Kathleen Scott said...

I loved this, Elizabeth! Beautiful understated current, starting with the first sentence, "She lay on the bed next to him, after..."

spacedlaw said...

Original! Very seductive piece.

Ms. Moon said...

Oh. I wish I had time for this. La! Beautiful!

Claire said...

Excellent.

Ladrón de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

And to think you got all of that out of a creamer! I'd call that "Steamin' Pewter". I may have to ask you to come spin magic over some of my household utensils.

Great story, and glad to have met you through Magpie Tales. Thanks for dropping by my blog earlier.

Angie Muresan said...

I so love this, Elizabeth. It sent shivers down my spine as I read it.

The Hausfrau said...

I got a real sense of the mood here. Transfixing and transporting!

Evening Light Writer said...

This is what Virginia Woolf called a moment in time. I really like how intense it is at first and then, the tension breaks like waves on a beach or the man's gentle snoring. really fantastic.

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