Monday, July 9, 2012

How We Do It: Part XIV in a series



I'm not sure if it was the humming that was making us mad, not angry, but mad in the oldest sense of the word, demented, wild, rabid or whether it was Ikea, the aisles of particleboard, the vistas, the candles, the rugs rolled up, this size Mom and what color blue? But we were mad from Sophie's humming, nearly hysterical, and when Oliver grabbed her wheelchair and began running, the winds of Ikea in her face, the humming stopped and we laughed even harder, out of control, mad, hysterical, straightening up in line just barely, slowing up and the humming started again so loudly that the lady behind me, her hair long and gray, her face worn and ugly, a wicked witch, declared What's that noise? to the cashier in cahoots and I turned and said It's my daughter and she replied Sounds like a foghorn and I said Oh, how awful for you and then the boys flew through the air with karate chop kicks, fire from their toes and she melted right there, right then, spontaneous combustion if ever there was such a thing, a pile of ash that the next customer stepped over and we all flew up, foghorn first, Sophie's chair airborne, plastic flowers in her hair, the Boys and I straddling the rug, rolled up shag so blue that when we sailed through the doors, we melted into the sky.





31 comments:

  1. I think I will take you up on your invitation to visit and cool off--and, obviously enjoy good times at Ikea!!

    Best,
    Bonnie

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  2. oh my god elizabeth, this is a fantastic poem! it's amazing!

    and it sounds like a right fine summer outing too.

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  3. I don't think it was Sophie that was making everyone crazy, it was Ikea.

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  4. These. These are the best things I have ever read.
    Elizabeth. Oh my heart.

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  5. Does it help to put headphones on her so that she's listening to something? What about if she's listening to music? Or just sounds, like the kinds they use to help you sleep? Wave sounds... white noise.. etc.?

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  6. I always love your "how we do it" series and this one gets top honors!

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  7. I rarely. Ever suggest that anyone write a memoir because most people's lives are just not that interesting except to themselves nor can most people write. You are the rare exception.
    Xxoo woefully kindle typed
    r

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  8. Wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.”
    ― Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon

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  9. Wow, wonderful! And now we know what the humming means..."I wanna' go faster, I wanna' FLY !"


    That was soooo fun, Elizabeth!

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  10. Brilliant.

    My favorite part (of course) "Ohhh, how awful for you."

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  11. I love that you disclose that it sometimes it just...gets to you. When I try to explain that people, they look at me like I'm worst person in the world.

    -Julia

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  12. Wonderful! The kicks, the fire, the pile of ashes, the flying out of there...

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  13. What a wonderful post. If you are going to descend into madness, you might as well try to enjoy the ride.

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  14. One of Max's favorite things to do is to fly down the aisles at Ikea and kick at people. I think we are allowed to look mad there. Here's to the crazy ones!

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  15. that witch def deserves the patented L.Frank Baum poofff-you're-history treatment.
    i hate those stores. they can dangle their little meatballs, it doesnt tempt me to buy their cheesy furniture.

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  16. I was delighting in her spontaneous combustion and resulting ashes, right along with you. And then, I was airborne. Glorious, joyful. Thank you!

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  17. Glorious, glorious writing!

    And you are my hero for not only going to Ikea (the sensory overload gives me hives), but for taking three children with you. I am certain I would have been the one resorting to humming loudly to keep my sanity tenuously tethered.

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  18. I ever tell you I worked for IKEA for 4 years?

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  19. I wish I could have seen that, but sometimes words are actually better than pictures.

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  20. "Oh, how awful for you." Priceless. I adore your sense of humor.

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  21. This is just incredible in every way. "How awful for you". How perfect. And I do agree, your words are better than any picture.

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  22. I have never been in an Ikea (really!) because shopping in general makes me crazy. Maybe if more of us started humming we could go back to the old days when stores were small and people were your neighbours and friendly.

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  23. This is hysterical! Such a perfect comeback to old witchy-poo. Saying exactly what you want to say...when you want to say it..creates such a feeling of freedom doesn't it? Add to that some brilliant boy manuevers and you have a perfect day! Thank you for the laugh!

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  24. I love this so much. Snail does this kind of drone that has the same effect, sometimes. For weeks it will be nothing, background noise, then one day, often in the car or at the shops, we get that glorious harrowing madness of not being able to stand one more second. Not one! I love this series. Give that girl a smile from me!

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  25. Brilliant. You, your writing, your sense of humor, just brilliant.

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  26. wicked witch to be sure
    Sophie - hum away!
    Boys - kick and run and whoop

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  27. Best post ever. Um...have I said that before? Uh, more than once before?

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  28. Bravo you, bravo your writing. Me gusta. Te amo. You rock.

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