Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Blue is the color of the sky



I unrolled my mat and sat down next to a goddess today in yoga. I haven't been to yoga in probably nine or more months, which is stupid because just entering the room made me feel relaxed and peaceful. The goddess is a Scottish supermodel, and she lay flat on her back with her eyes closed, her long yellow hair splayed out, a tiny gold ring on one of her toes, a tiny tattoo on the top of her slender super-model foot. I hummed yellow is the color of my true love's hair in my head because the goddess is married, I think, to Donovan's son and that's my favorite Donovan song, one I first heard when a boy I loved sang it to me in much the same type voice in a room at the top of the stairs in a house in the woods. The goddess lay perfectly still beside me, a pale angel, breathing in and out, and I wasn't put off, I wasn't intimidated, despite my cumbersome form, brown with gray is the color of my hair right now, and I settled, rather, into her energy and that of the kind people around me, the wooden floor, the soft voices, Ganesh on the wall. Yesterday, one of my college friends posted on Facebook her alarm that God was removed from the Democratic platform, and I commented that some people of faith didn't think religion had a role in politics. Someone I don't know also left a comment that sounded as if she were terrified, terrified of God-language being removed from a political platform, terrified of where the country is going, how different it is. I stopped there (good for me!) and thought the rest of the evening about fear, people's fear, and what are people afraid of and why aren't I afraid? I thought it again last night when I watched a bit of the Democratic Convention, the colors of the people, the beautiful brown-skinned mayor of San Antonio, the beautiful black skin of the First Lady. I thought about it again as I sat next to the pale white goddess and another woman with long magenta-painted hair and yellow men's long johns, whose crotch sagged to her knees, carefully place her yoga mat in front of me. Green is the color of the sparkling corn, in the morning when we rise and blue is the color of the sky, in the morning when we rise. What are people afraid of and why? Why aren't I afraid? I stumbled through the yoga class, barely able to do most of the exercises except the breathing, the deep in and out, and whenever I peeked through my closed eyes at the goddess next to me, the long-johned woman in front of me, they, too, were breathing in and out. Mellow is the feeling that I get, when I see her, the boy I loved sang to me many years ago. That's the time, that's the time, I love the best. What are people afraid of and why? Why aren't I afraid? Freedom is the word I rarely use without thinking, without thinking -- of the time, of the time, when I've been loved. 


22 comments:

  1. You are creating art with breath and color and lack of fear.
    You. Are. Amazing.

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  2. Your writing is well, beautiful Elizabeth. I hope you know that. I think you do. such an amazing gift.

    Breathing. Something I need to focus more on.

    Sill have not finished 'Peace is Every Step'. Really need to.

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  3. This is exquisite writing.
    And I love that you went to yoga.
    Beauty, permanence, perfect shaped feet even are all elusive.
    We are clouded by maya. Sometimes I feel like you see through it all.
    Yes, that is one of the things that most astonishes me about you.

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  4. Is it "when I been loved" or "when I been lost"? maybe theyre similar.

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    1. Hmmmmm--pretty sure it's a Scottish lilted "loved," but I could be wrong! We're all a little lost when we love, no?

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  5. This transported me.
    LA, Donovan, breathing and sunshine.
    Lovers and God and long blonde hair.

    That was so wonderful, thank you.

    And I am glad you are not afraid.
    That is a huge blessing - huge.

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  6. Your writing is pure perfection!

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  7. Exquisite writing simplly exquisite writing. I got all zen-like just reading it. I am not afraid either except maybe of those who are afraid. I don't get it and I get anxious and distressed when I think about it so for right now I am going to reread your post and re-discover my zen!

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  8. You write so beautifully, Elizabeth. I feel as if I'm sitting next to you.

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  9. i have been away from you all way too long. certainly i choose a perfect day to return. thank you elizabeth for believing in the beauty of humanity in all its radiant colours. for your grace in words, thoughts and actions.
    i've missed you so.
    xoxoxoxox

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  10. You wrote this REALLY well. Love it.

    I don't understand all the fear either. I've often wondered if I'd be more fearful if I had children, knowing they had to live on in this world we're creating after I'm gone. But I honestly don't think so. If anything, I'm scared of the fearful people! The country changes, the demographics change, but that's always been true. The idea that the U.S. used to be a tidy, white, god-fearing, Leave-it-to-Beaver society has always been a myth.

    And yoga next to Kirsty Hume? Now THAT is an L.A. story!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Steve!I hope you have a chance to watch Bill Clinton's speech tonight at the DNC. It was outrageously over the top Bill Clinton fantastic.

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  11. I have always had great difficulty in not just "doing" yoga but actually practicing the concept of the mind/body connection. Thanks for helping me see what it actually feels like. I still have such trouble accepting what "is", releasing the fear as you say and quieting my mind.

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  12. I love this. I love that you went to yoga and you breathed in the humanity all around you, and you weren't afraid.

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  13. my friend, you are not afraid because you are not ignorant, you have nothing to hide and everything to share. others are a afraid because they are ignorant, have everything to hide and nothing they want to share. i think it is as simple as that.

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  14. Good god lady, you can write. I loved this.

    People are afraid of going to hell. I don't know why some people move beyond this fear and others never do.

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  15. Okay, you've inspired me to return to yoga. And I love, love, love that you don't feel any fear. Those times when we are free of its tyranny are certainly cause for celebration. Milk it for all it is worth!

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  16. "there would be nothing to frighten you if you refused to be afraid." - gandhi

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  17. Because a thing is unspoken does not mean it's been left out. Not being afraid is its own goddess state. I loved the connections you found among the breathing and the boy and the song. xo

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  18. Exactly how I feel about yoga! Exactly!!

    Beautiful, beautiful writing.

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