Wednesday, June 5, 2013

The Penultimate Stage of Conservatorship

The Conservatee

I say cool, and dig all jive,
That's the way I stay alive.
My motto,
as I live and learn,
Dig and be dug,
In return.

Langston Hughes

We had a visit today from a representative of our Regional Center who is required to file a recommendation with the court regarding our petition to gain guardianship of Sophie, now that she is eighteen years old. The visit went as smoothly as one would hope, given that we discussed what is called Powers Sought and the Corresponding Rights to be Limited. In the interest of educating readers, particularly those who will go through this process when their own child comes of age, here are the powers sought:

  1. The power to fix the residence of the conservatee.
  2. The power to consent or to withhold consent to medical treatment and to make decisions concerning the medical treatment of the conservatee.
  3. The power to contract for the conservatee.
  4. The power to access confidential records and papers of the conservatee.
  5. The power to make decisions concerning the education/work programs of the conservatee.
  6. The power to make decisions regarding the conservatee's social and sexual relationships and contacts.
  7. The power to consent to marry for the conservatee.

There are few words to describe what was, at best, a pleasant conversation with the representative. The feeling I get when these sorts of things transpire is at once obliterating and grounding. 

In a couple of weeks, The Husband and I will complete this process and appear in front of a Judge with Sophie. 


  1. Such absurdity and yet, such necessity. I am thinking of balance today. It's never easy, is it?
    Dig and be dug, in return.

  2. What a difference a birthday makes.

  3. You might not always feel it, my friend, but you are grace personified.

  4. I am sorry, on the one hand that you, your husband and Sophie must do this...
    On the other hand, at least Sophie is blessed with a loving family that has her best interests at heart...I have relatives who fobbed off their developmentally delayed child to the State for care. As someone pointed out here, there is a world of difference in "being in care" versus being "cared about."

    Were I not competent to handle my own affairs, I would also likely be shuttled into State care. It isn't easy for your family or for you particularly but Sophie has a better quality of life than she might otherwise, I think.

  5. Every day I read here I am grateful that Sophie is in the family she is in. We learn so much from you from her from the men in your family. True grit and grace. Thank you.

  6. I tired to post this earlier, but was in a loop of Iphone and Google that just wouldn't stop.

    Remember, this system never contemplated our girls. They are very round smooth pegs and the holes are hard edged and square. But we have to try to make things fit. This is the only construct that comes close. It allows the court to recognize our authority and knowledge as parents while acknowledging that we have no "Legal" obligation to do what we both know we will do. This way the court can give us the legal right and responsibility and ostensibly, thank us for doing what we were always going to do anyway.

  7. Obliterating and grounding. Yep.



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