Thursday, August 14, 2014

Riding in the Car with Boys and Other Stuff

to Elizabeth L.

This morning I had an exhaustive conversation with several LAUSD worker bees because despite it being only the third day of the 2014-2015 school year, and the sixth year that Sophelia Bedelia has attended this school and therefore the sixth year that she has ridden the bus in the afternoons, there are problems. I've told you before that we refer to the Special Education Department of the LAUSD as                                        D O W N T O W N because for as long as I've known it (which is going on seventeen years!), whenever there are problems, anyone who works for the LAUSD blames it on  D O W N T O W N.

Like today. Apparently, DOWNTOWN has eliminated the position of SPED coordinator at our school because -- well -- who knows why? We had a rather nice and efficient coordinator last year, a welcome replacement for the retired Wicked Witch of the West, but I guess it was asking too much to see some continuity. I believe he has been shuffled back to another classroom and a new person is temporarily in the school office, but she obviously had never heard of Sophie nor did she know anything about her IEP, the wheelchair bus request which is in the IEP and the fact that the aide assigned to ride the bus with her was also assigned to ride with another kid who is apparently quite a handful. I'm not going to belabor this clusterf**k and tell you everything that has transpired because it's boring and very first worldish, but I kept Sophie home from school today so that the new bee could figure out the problem, and after the telephone call I felt overwhelmed and crazy again because remember: It's the small stuff that is going to kill me. I calmed myself down by imagining a trip to D O W N T O W N where I imagine I'd find some nasty little man behind a curtain, sort of like Oz.

Anywoo. Let's move on to riding in the car with boys.

Today's conversation and arguments revolved around Burpsnarts. The Brothers were actually arguing over Burpsnarts, which they explained are when you burp, sneeze and fart all at once. I repeat that they were having a conversation and actually arguing about this, and while it didn't come to blows, I fantasized a bit about slowing down and jumping out. Because I am a responsible woman, though, I refrained from it and in my mind thought about dining out with James Joyce and Nora and then getting on a private plane with my friend Elizabeth and moving to Bora Bora.


  1. How can we live life without our fantasies? I like yours. It's a good one.

  2. Firstly, I cannot wait to tell Cooper about the phenomenon knowns as burpsnarts. He knows quite a bit (firsthand) about snorting but this takes it to a whole new level.

    Secondly, I learned this mantra today and I give it freely to you …. I am a funnel, not a vessel. Repeat three times and click your heels.

  3. And by snorting you know that I meant "snarting" but have been thwarted by autocorrect. She's a bitch.

  4. That dinner came to mind because of Joyce's love letters about farts?

    Your boys might enjoy Chaucer!

  5. No offence but I am so thankful I only had one boy. I don't think I would have survived two:)

    And schools! I'm glad I'm done with all that stupidity. Although the government department in charge of providing Katie's funding now is just as stupid. Sigh.

  6. Any time DOWNTOWN gets involved, in anything, it can't be good.

    LOL -- burpsnarts! That's a new one on me. I'm not sure such a thing ever really happens, does it?! At least, not without trying.

  7. I'm not sure how I got to age 45 without knowing about burpsnarts. Learn something new every day!

    Your boys are cute.

  8. Wil talks quite a lot about burpsnarts, too. He picks THIS to be typical about.



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