Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions* and Some Observations**


Questions


1.
(The well-meaning stranger)

What's wrong with your daughter?

She has a rare form of epilepsy.

Can't they give her something for that?

What a great idea! I'm going to call the doctor first thing!




2.
(The man popping peanuts at a cocktail party)

Does your daughter feel love?

No, but she does feel hate, and you'd better move out of the way because she's a really good shot.



3.
(The social worker doing a conservator interview)

Does Mom let Sophie make her own decisions regarding her sexuality and marriage?

No!  I've already arranged for her to be married to my oldest gay friend so that she can get some decent health insurance benefits!



4.
(The Neurologist standing in hallway of hospital)

Have you thought about the drug choices I gave you as the next treatment for Sophie?

Yes, and I think I'm going for the one that can cause aplastic anemia instead of the one that causes blindness, and I'm not sure whether the other one is right for a six month old. Doesn't it have pretty bad long-term cognitive side effects?

Well, what's a few points drop in IQ really matter?

Probably not much in her case since she's already told me how to construct a bomb and blow up your office!


Observations

1.

We live in a country that likes to drop bombs, both literal and figurative, and then clean things up and rebuild afterward. This observation pertains to wars (Iraq), vaccination "science," cancer treatment, pharmaceutical companies, the medical-industrial complex, the tobacco industry, fast food companies, anti-obesity efforts, etc.

2.

When you engage with A Neurologist, you have to do a certain amount of suspending your belief that these are people with advanced degrees and therefore able to make intelligent inferences that don't involve their egos or ties with certain pharmaceutical companies.


3.
(in response to SB277 passing through committee)

I'm interested to know if the California government plans on chasing down those families who choose to delay or decline vaccinations for their children and themselves. Will they carry syringes as they run after us? Will all public places be verboten for those of us who refuse to get a mandatory flu shot? Will herd immunity be strengthened? I saw a pig fly the other day.

4.

Obduracy and control go hand in hand.


5.

On Friday I will be attending my 17th Individualized Education Plan for Sophie, and other than expressing my gratitude to her teacher and aide, I don't give a shit what happens in it. I plan on bringing donuts and, perhaps, a flask of bourbon. I will, as usual, wear a leotard and do my customary tightrope walk routine.***

















*All questions are factual. Answers were inside my tiny little mother mind.™

**All observations are from my tiny little mother mind™ and should only be construed as opinion, except for the first part of Number 5 about gratitude and not giving a shit. Those are facts.

*** More observations on what happens at this meeting are forthcoming.


22 comments:

  1. 5. Maybe a pillbox hat and a veil over the eyes...?

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    Replies
    1. I will definitely consider that -- particularly the veil.

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  2. OMG I love this and your trademarked mind! Your pain, wit, sarcasm, anger, frustration all brilliantly captured.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Mary Lou. There's more fun in there than pain (for ONCE!).

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  3. If you hadn't been invented, I'd have to invent you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would love for someone to re-invent me.

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  4. You are just the awesomest. Wish I could go to that iep with you or at least buy you a drink afterwards. Good luck, Elizabeth!

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    Replies
    1. Michelle -- I wish you could, too. The drinks would be on me.

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  5. May I just refer back to your "On the Road with Disability" post, say how much I liked it and encourage you and Oliver to take it on the road?

    Best,
    Bonnie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Bonnie! I hope we can figure out a way to do so!

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  6. Replies
    1. Thaks for your comment raul arellano! Who are you?

      Delete
  7. As Wil says, "And this is why we hate people."

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    Replies
    1. Carrie Link -- I miss those Vanagon people.

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  8. I fucking hate this shit you have to wade through, it is so stupid and so wrong! But I love to see your Towanda come out - that is what my daughter calls the woman inside who holds a big pointy stick and isn't afraid to poke people with it. Careful with that bourbon though, it makes you want to poke a whole lot more people and it's not very good for tightrope walking.

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  9. I love your tone, as much as I hate all the BS you're forced to contend with.

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  10. I can't believe someone asked you if Sophie could feel love. Does he still have his balls?

    As for sex, I remember questions along those lines in one interview of some sort, they all blur together now. What horseshit!

    And thank you for your kind words Elizabeth. They are deeply appreciated.

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  11. Brilliant. I hope you realize that you are teaching current and future doctors with posts like this. I'm going to share this with my medical students.

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  12. I just started reading Atul Gawande's "Being Mortal," and while it doesn't really pertain (the book is about how much doctors know about prolonging life and how little they know about dealing with death), in the intro he talks about the dearth of training that physicians get in regards to being human and relating to their patients and their patients' families as such. It occurs to me that pretty much all humans are getting worse at this being human thing and it makes me sad. However, that is exactly why I am starting to do the work I'm doing with social-emotional education. Maybe some of these kids will grow up to be doctors who see their patients as human beings. Maybe some of them will go to a cocktail party, pop some peanuts in their mouth, and know how to express interest in a compassionate way. Fingers crossed. Love you.

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  13. the first comment made me laugh, then it made me sad. but really, it isn't an ignorant comment per se, it's just a sign of the belief in science, medicine, and our endless linear progress that pervades western culture.

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