Thursday, November 5, 2015

Leaving Irony Behind



I feel like I left the tyranny of irony behind me at Tomales Bay. I can only be vague here, but I think most would agree that I am adept at irony, maybe even a mistress of it. The picture above is of an old, abandoned building at the Marconi Conference Center. We walked by this beautiful building several times a day, from the hours just after dawn when northern California mists floated in and around it, to the blackest hours after the sun had set when bats swooped, invisible but heard. In the middle of the day, you could walk up to the many windows, cup your hands at the side of your eyes like blinders and make out the sun-glistened ocean of the harbor, glinting through the windows on the opposite side. Nearly everyone I walked with or spoke to expressed their dislike of this building. 

Creepy. Horrible. Scary. Like a mental institution. 




I thought otherwise, wished I could climb through the broken windows and wander the rooms, dance slowly and silently in the grand room I could barely make out when I squinted. It looked out on the ocean. I liked it especially at dusk when it seemed most haunted, when I could imagine its inhabitants a combination of old world formalism and the rugged frontier that was California in the nineteenth century. The woods and unruly plants and flowers grew up and around it, sometimes if I cocked my head, it appeared slanted, its peaks barely reaching, more earth than sky. I have no idea how old this building was nor what it was used for, and I had no desire to learn.



I left my irony there, a visitor grown pale, wispy, cold and of no use. What remains is vulnerability, something raw and lusty, no blinders, blinding not blinded.



12 comments:

  1. So beautiful, this writing, this openness the world as you find it.

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  2. I especially like the last sentence. Vulnerable is a good thing; it's a hard thing but a good thing. Take care woman.

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  3. I would dance there with you. Even if bats swooped and danced with us.

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  4. Beautiful. I used to remember this quote from "The Ebony Tower" by heart (John Fowles): "All cynicism masks a failure to cope: an impotence in fact....when to despise all effort is the greatest effort of all." Or something like that.

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  5. And: I love that building. Sometimes we get to have our final reception in one of the rooms on the ground floor. It's exquisite and it's slated for reno. Hope they keep its essence.

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  6. I do not like that building. No I do not. It looks so... cold.

    But I do understand. I love cemeteries. Love them. And most people would not agree with me.

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  7. One of my recurring dreams, which is not scary, is of an abandoned building like this. When I saw that picture, that dream floated up (I don't think I knew I had a recurring dream about an abandoned asylum like building before, but now I know that I have, many times.) I love it too. And maybe irony is an armor that keeps us from feeling everything, and thus seeing everything?

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  8. I'm with you on the building! Beautiful writing, Elizabeth. Kathy@rainshadowfarm

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  9. I tend to think it's a little on the scary side. In fact when I saw that first photo I thought maybe it was the McMansion your neighbors are building! I love that second photo -- very dreamy, lots of layers. I hope you didn't leave your irony completely behind, though, because I love it so.

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  10. I love that you saw vulnerability there. My daughter, also a writer, would love to explore that place.

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  11. Elizabeth-

    to me leaving irony and replacing it with vulnerability was the most important thing i ever did for my spiritual growth and for my own happiness on this earth and in this body. i am happy to hear this report from you and I applaud your courage to go in this direction. raw and open sets the groundwork for everything miraculous, it lets the miracles land in you and not bounce off the hard surface.

    this is a beautiful post and you are a wise and beautiful soul.


    big love,

    Scott

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  12. Yes. Glorious. Thank you for sharing.

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