Saturday, January 23, 2016

Things I Learned Today*

  1. How to remain cool when navigating the treacherous waters of Verizon customer service, trying to figure out why I am being charged hundreds of dollars a month for a hotspot that I returned in July after my sojourn in Hedgebrook that I thought was taken care of but that I apparently didn't according to the Verizon people and now that I've switched to T-Mobile am being punished with the most incredible round-abouts and garbled technology talk that took hours and hours and is still not resolved even though I had to go to the actual Verizon store as well and take it up with them. 
  2. Gratitude that I don't live in a concealed carry state because surely, if I hadn't learned #1, I would have been hard-pressed to not just go ahead and "settle things" Texas-style
  3. How to "dab," a dance move that Oliver told me about, demonstrated and then judged harshly with the utmost scorn and mockery when I attempted it (see photo above). Oliver has no idea that I actually do have a sense of rhythm, and while I wouldn't profess to like the music that goes with this dance move (at some point he screamed over the jarring cacophony that whenever the pounding bass line dropped, I was to DAB!), it's not that far removed from the Hustle or the Bump, both of which I excelled at in my day.

Reader, what did you learn today?

*First World Problem Solving


  1. Two slightly drunk young women appeared at the door of the house this evening. They were at the wrong house. I learned that two slightly drunk young women should not be driving around looking for someone's house, in the evening, during a snow storm. Dab...dab...dab

  2. Did you charge your hotspot on a credit card? I've found that credit card companies are really good at resolving disputes. I learned that more than once (though not today.)

  3. What did I learn today? Golly. Let me think. That my kids are the funniest people on earth. That I can throw a chicken pot pie together in the time a cat can wink her eye. That I should possibly get out more because there are some awesome people out there, just waiting to be met. That not all dogs are complete assholes.
    And I saw this on a vet's office sign:
    "Just watch me snip.
    Just watch me spay, spay."
    And probably a whole lot more.
    Sending love...Mary

  4. I had to look up this dabbing business. Couldn't understand a word the guy said.

    Why do errors always work out for the side of the business and never in favour of the customer?

  5. I'd complain to the FCC. A person from the executive relations department will call you and take care of it.

    I'd just copy what you told us. It works like a charm with Verizon and Comcast.

    I learned that my daughter wants to take a class next fall about religions in the world. The books are going to cost $550! Also, she wants to go to China her junior year. The dab sounds like more fun.

  6. Hahaha synchronicity! My girl was teaching me how to dab yesterday! I immediately knew what you were doing when u saw the picture!

  7. I thought you were smelling your underarm... I learned that it awfully hard to entertain a ten-year-old girl when she got hit by a car and broke her knee cap and can't walk. Color, play on iPad, watch Bob's Burgers, then what???????? Not prepared.

  8. Oh, Verizon. Ugh. I do not envy you that dispute.

    I have never in my life heard of Dabbing. I thought you were wiping sweat from your brow with your sleeve!

  9. Verizon's first order of business: Never admit to being wrong.
    Not even Clarence Darrow could win an argument with those trolls. Good luck.

  10. I had to look up dab. That's how nurses sneeze or cough. That's a dance move? Really?

    Sadly I long think I learned anything yesterday.

  11. I was reminded that there is nothing better than a snow day -- especially when I don't have to shovel. I am home by myself, with lots to read, good things to eat, and my own comfy bed. I hope this is what heaven is like, if there is such a thing.



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