|Bolsa Chica Ecological Preserve|
I put the post from yesterday in draft form because it feels polluted, almost. Not my language, actually, but what it's about. Not my anger, actually, but just all of it. What happened yesterday -- both the concrete actions and the implications. I feel the weight of twenty-two years of fighting and advocating. I appreciate that many of my readers appreciate me giving voice to what they are feeling, but I'm sometimes tired of giving voice. I feel polluted -- not by anger or despair, which I believe are entirely justified, but by those people who think, believe and act in ways that defy every single value that I hold dear.
I could eat holes through them with words in a sluggish efficiency, a trail of slime.
I feel not a little despair over what's happening in our country regarding health care and a myriad of other issues. I feel not a little despair because it's impacting my family in untold ways -- impacting my relationship to members of my family whom I love and appreciate. I don't know what to do but sit with those feelings and take note, regard.
I'm thinking of Costa Rica. Oliver will graduate from high school in two years, and perhaps that will be the time to move there. Perhaps I'll be trapped here, struggling, forever. I'll sit with those thoughts as well, take note, regard.