Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Day Three




Spent a less than peaceful morning with Sophie because she is not doing so well. Sigh.

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Paperwork

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Babysitter came and I went for a big walk with my good friend J. Lots of conversation as the two of us NEVER run out of things to talk about. It's truly amazing because we talk every single day.

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Lunch with J at Maison du Pain, a wonderful French bakery on Pico Blvd. run by two Filipino sisters. The pastries are old-school and fantastic. I had a tuna salad sandwich on olive bread with a bit of cheese and bechamel. J had a croque-monsieur. We shared something sinfully good and flaky filled with a lightly sweetened cheese. I bought two extra of them, ate one in the car when I left and gave the other to Sophie later on.

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I went to Whole Foods and spent entirely too much money on snack foods for my kids when they get back next week. I also bought some gorgeous chard that I should be growing myself and a hunk of fish for dinner.

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I walked around the corner and had a pedicure. This is the first time since last summer, about nine months ago. My feet and toes are shameful, and I was almost embarrassed to expose them. I sat in the very comfortable chair with my feet in a copper basin filled with warm water. I got the whole deal, including leg massage and I finished reading Patti Smith's Just Kids. I'm not a big crier, but when I got to the part when Robert Mapplethorpe dies, I shed a few tears. The book is completely captivating, especially if you're a sucker for romantic views about ART and want to read about the scene in the late sixties and early seventies in New York City when poets and musicians congregated at the Chelsea Hotel and took themselves and what they were doing oh so seriously. I loved it.

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I returned home and sat with Sophie in her room when the babysitter left. We went for a walk because the sun was out and shining the most golden late-afternoon light through new green, and the air was turning a bit colder than it's been and Sophie was happy to walk. We went inside after that and she lay down on her bed. I put some music on in her room and told her how much I loved her.

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The Neurologist called me back and we had a long conversation about Sophie and what to do next. I don't feel like typing it all out here. I'm tired of the whole damn mess. I told my friend A last night that every now and then it hits me that aside from the shock and aftermath of Sophie's diagnosis fifteen years ago, my general distrust of the medical world and the almost existential angst I feel at the unknowable of everything pertaining to Sophie are what have most defined me. Sometimes I can blithely go about my day and at others, well, it's just h
e
a
v
y.

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I made dinner for Sophie and me. I sprinkled the halibut I'd bought earlier with thyme and oregano from my herb garden. I brushed it with olive oil and squeezed some lemon juice, sprinkled a lot of salt and pepper over that and put it in a roasting pan and scattered cut up fingerling potatoes and baby carrots around it. The Husband came home early, for a change, and fed Sophie for me. Relief.

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My friend D came over and helped me fix a few kinks in my computer. The three of us opened a bottle of wine, laughed about the slippery slope to socialism and drank the whole bottle. We also finished the weird little box of malted chocolate milkballs that I'd bought at Trader Joe's last week.

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10 comments:

  1. I am so sad that
    Sophie has been struggling...on the flip side,I just love the photo's of Sophie in the sunlight.Your girl is breathtaking.


    Sending you peace when the heaviness eels like an unbearable load.

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  2. You make the most of your life and day and it's humbling to read about your ability to go on in the face of all that uncertainty, pain and suffering. I'm not sure I'd have your strength. I salute you.

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  3. Alright, candles will be lit to QuanYin begging for Her help to assist my young friend and her mother. And I will repeat myself because I need to say how much I wish you or I could be near each other, for whatever I could do to help Sophie and to be able to give you a hug when I thought you needed one. Love from here and hopes for a better day tomorrow.

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  4. I'm sorry Sophie is having such a hard time. Sending a virtual hug.

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  5. I love these little vignettes of your days, these snippets of your life. I want to read that Patti Smith book too. Thank-you for reminding me.
    The only thing I do not like about this blog community is that we DO begin to care so much about each other but we can't call each other and say, "Hey. I have an empty morning. Let me come and sit with your daughter or with both of you. Let's take her to the beach."
    Mostly, I cannot take your hand, I cannot admire your newly polished feet from here. I wish I could, Elizabeth. I wish I could.

    ReplyDelete
  6. it does amaze me. the enormity of life and the mystery there of that we carry. day to day, season through season, the undertow of it even when we have the pleasure of unfettered time.
    i would love to be an unexpected friend who walks through the kitchen door at just the right moment to sit and feed your mermaid...and listen to your stories, counterbalance the "unknown" with a present filled in possibilities, warmth, understanding and laughter.

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  7. I feel honoured , having this view of your life.

    and that you honour each day, inspires others.

    I will keep praying for Sophie as she struggles. Wishing to hug those weighted shoulders of yours.

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  8. That sounds like a very good day, except for the fact that Sophie is having more troubles - and that means that you are having troubles, too. I wish so dearly that this could be different.

    I love reading of your awareness, and the gentle rhythm of these days of spring break. Though you must miss your boys deeply, it sounds as if you have time and space to enjoy and savor your moments this week. That makes me happy. Just the fact that you are able to go into Sophie's room to sit with her and tell her that you love her...that makes me happy. Blessings to you.

    Yes, those are some beautiful toes. SO glad you had the pleasure of having yours done, too! That's usually a once-a-year indulgence for me.

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  9. I no way to minimize; heavy, yes, but also full. I am glad you are finding small joys this week.

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  10. Excuse me if I have already said this before, but I recommend so highly this website:

    lef.org

    They are my health bible, I trust them and their information is backed by study and research from all over the world that they provide for your viewing if you desire. Their protocols for disease are amazing= I used them for my endometriosis path.

    I'm sorry Sophie has been doing badly. I hug you.

    ReplyDelete

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