Tuesday, October 16, 2018

A Series of Irritating Events from the First World



So far, during the last three days, while they are hardly calamitous events (but, rather, what we might call "first-world" problems), these things have happened:


  1. TSA stole a $100 bill out of my bag. Police recovered and impounded it, but it's already cost me $16 to get a notarized letter authorizing the Phoenix Airport Police to ship it back to me. The numerous phone calls that I made to get this information are too boring to enumerate, but when I finally got everything in order, the letter notarized and attempted to fax, it was not working. I spent some time this morning with the Phoenix Recovered Property department, again too boring to enumerate, and was finally told that the fax did work and that I should try again.  
  2. A package from Anthropologie was delivered to my address yesterday, empty. It was one of those plastic envelopes, and after picking it up and thinking, Man this is a weightless dress!, I realized that the envelope had been cleanly slit and the contents removed. I ran down the sidewalk and caught the postwoman who exclaimed that she, too, had wondered why the package was so weightless. She called her supervisor who told me to call the Postmaster General. I did so, and they told me that it looked like the package began its journey to my house at 10 oz but that the last weight recorded was 0 oz, so obviously something happened along the way and an investigation would commence. I called Anthropologie and explained the situation, and they agreed to send me another dress. I am now waiting for the Post Office to continue their investigation. Stay tuned.
  3. My OB/GYN ordered a colonoscopy kit for me that is evidently a whole lot easier than going through the regular thing. If I pass this home kit thingy, I don't have to get a colonoscopy for another five years. I called the company this morning to ask why it hadn't come yet as I was informed two weeks ago that it had been delivered. The person at the company checked and told me that it had been delivered but to the wrong address. Instead of South My Street Name, it was delivered to North My Street Name. So someone on North My Street Name has a colonoscopy home kit with instructions on how to provide a stool sample. The company is sending me another one. 
  4. I sent my manuscript to the editor last week, and it has not arrived. I put the tracking number for the parcel in the USPS website, and it said that it had not been received. Apparently, my manuscript is floating around somewhere in between Los Angeles and San Francisco. I will cancel the check that accompanied the manuscript and resend tomorrow, if it doesn't show up at the editor's place by then.
So, what next? Throw it my way. Give it to me.

Oh, here's something amusing. I received an inquiry today from an online job site that I've been using in an attempt to get freelance writing gigs. The notice stated that I was an excellent match for the following position:

We produce gay romance novels based in contemporary settings and in supernatural/paranormal worlds that encompass shifters, such as werewolves, vampires, dragons, and many more mythical creatures. Our characters fight through relationship woes and celebrate swells of passion in situations ranging from love triangles to forbidden desire, tribal rivalries, mpreg, and ancient or secret worlds clashing with the new. Adventure, mystery, crime, comedy, and drama are no strangers to our romance stories.

We’re looking for a talented M/M (gay) romance writer, that from the first sentence to the last, can keep readers engaged and craving more!


MUST: 

☻ Be a native English-speaking writer with excellent comprehension and execution of English grammar.

☻ Be dedicated to writing character-driven books focusing on the development of romantic attraction between the main characters. You have the creative freedom to flesh out the details within our guidelines.

☻ Be an enthusiastic and thorough researcher.

☻ Lastly, be original. We run books through PlagScan and Copyscape. 

 What do you think? Should I apply? I am nothing if not an enthusiastic and thorough researcher.

16 comments:

  1. I saw that meme on FB and loved it.
    You are having a run of bad luck. Ain't no other way around it.
    I can't believe you managed to get any response out of that $100 being stolen.
    And now I'll go check eBay to see if your dress is on it yet.

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  2. I also saw that meme on Facebook and was going to save it but when I went back it was gone. Pretty much sums up how I feel about colouring.

    As you know, I am Canadian and we don’t have Postmaster Generals here but when I think about them I can’t get Wilford Brimley out of my head.

    While Mary looks for for your dress on eBay I will look for your colonoscopy kit. There will thousands of bids.

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  3. Yes apply. I also encourage you to read tbr latest Humans of New York on Facebook. It is about folks who shelter ed others during the Rwandan genocide. Stark, humblimg.

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    1. Sorry about the typoes.i don't know how we reconcile first world problems. A common way seems to be to acknowledge it and to complain anyway.i do it too.

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  4. Hahaha I had to Google mpreg. Learned something today (male pregnancy). I love that coloring picture. I think I cannot see it too many times.

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  5. Oh do apply! Just think of the plots you could come up with.
    In the 1980s I worked in a "radical" bookshop in Ireland and we were the first shop openly selling gay books, mostly harmless imports from the US and some pretty entertaining romance. One of our bestsellers was by a certain Kay Dick. Seriously.

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  6. Oh do apply! Just think of the plots you could come up with.
    In the 1980s I worked in a "radical" bookshop in Ireland and we were the first shop openly selling gay books, mostly harmless imports from the US and some pretty entertaining romance. One of our bestsellers was by a certain Kay Dick. Seriously.

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  7. Wow! Does it seem like the universe is trying to tell you something? But what?

    A gay romance novel? You got this:)

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  8. HA! You should TOTALLY apply for that job. I bet you could crank out a mesmerizing gay dragon romance! (What on earth is mpreg? Male pregnancy?)

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    1. Oh, I got so distracted by the gay romances that I failed to comment on the first half of your post. You have had some SERIOUSLY bad postal luck lately! Was someone apprehended in the TSA thing? Is that how the police recovered the money? The missing dress is very mysterious, too.

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  9. A local author writes regular romance novels under a pen name. She used to have regular book signings here in town. Guess what her legal name is?

    Minnie Dix!!! She should have used that, in my opinion!

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  10. God why can't anything ever be easy. Ha! Maybe I should get into writing gay romance.

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  11. Is mercury in retrograde? I try not to know when it is but it sure sounds like it’s hovering right over you! As for that gay fantasy sword and dragon romance novel gig, I hope they’re paying a lot because it sounds like, well, hard work. But congrats on sending your manuscript off to the editor! That’s awesome and exciting! I’m so impressed by you.

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  12. all those colorful red scribbles? that's me. and, WTF, TSA?! Must we now include threatening 8 1/2 x 11 notes in our luggage stating that we will hunt them down and smite them if they steal anything from our bag (written in blood of course)? Do you know if you look up "smite" on the interwebs you'll get pages and pages of fantasy video game titles?

    I hope this spate of bad luck ends, and soon! Try a bit of sage burning today, eh?

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  13. Apply! Apply! You got $100 back? That's amazing. Your manuscript will find its way to the publisher, as sure as I am sitting here on the couch at 11 in the morning in my bathrobe.

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  14. That Mandala Image cracked me up! Thanks for Sharing it! So sorry about your Phoenix experience, here you were in my neck of the woods and got jacked... so very sorry! The Mail Theft and Porch Pirates seem to be prolific nowadays, lazy Thieves and I suspect less Risk unless they get caught on video cams doing their dirty deeds. I've had one of those damned Kits for about a year now... I just haven't had the 'desire' to shit on the cellophane and poke poop I suppose, but the alternative is far more invasive, so I suppose I shall have to summons the ambition.

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