tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post5158947545182829714..comments2024-01-01T20:33:52.554-08:00Comments on a moon, worn as if it had been a shell: In my dreamsElizabethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03313726816776097840noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-10594746909396175102016-02-23T20:12:15.874-08:002016-02-23T20:12:15.874-08:00I would love that, ilga. I have never been to Nebr...I would love that, ilga. I have never been to Nebraska and would so much like to visit!Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03313726816776097840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-46373813621276371402016-02-23T20:11:47.537-08:002016-02-23T20:11:47.537-08:00Thank you, Joanne. I always feel your love and sup...Thank you, Joanne. I always feel your love and support. You are indeed a special person, capable of such great empathy.Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03313726816776097840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-26471961452959414912016-02-23T10:55:51.671-08:002016-02-23T10:55:51.671-08:00If you should find yourself in Nebraska, perhaps ...If you should find yourself in Nebraska, perhaps on a cross-country road trip with your boys??? Please, please<br />look me up! I'd so like to be one of your people! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15683437688952537872noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-83831514402627353542016-02-22T20:41:56.388-08:002016-02-22T20:41:56.388-08:00I can certainly imagine the beauty and resentment ...I can certainly imagine the beauty and resentment in the situation you are in and yet it's easier to imagine than having to live it. I would think I'd need a shot of something multiple times a day to bear it. You are an amazing mother and Sophie is a lucky young woman to have you. I send you so much love and support.Joannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08015888228309968515noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-15665231897343551762016-02-22T20:36:20.268-08:002016-02-22T20:36:20.268-08:00Thanks, Denise. Your caregiving was extraordinary ...Thanks, Denise. Your caregiving was extraordinary -- how you did it and how you told it.Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03313726816776097840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-19800647170991923282016-02-22T20:35:24.585-08:002016-02-22T20:35:24.585-08:00Hmmm. I'm not sure what to make of your commen...Hmmm. I'm not sure what to make of your comment. I appreciate the kind things you've said here, and perhaps I misunderstand you, but there seems to be an implication that I am, perhaps, not grateful enough for the things in my life that are clearly outstanding. With all due respect, though, I rarely shirk from expressing my love and gratitude for all those things. I know I probably sound privileged -- and that makes me wince. I AM privileged, and perhaps I should acknowledge it. Whether people envy me for what I have or feel relief that their lives are different is sort of beside the point, though. Comparing oneself or one's life and situation to others is a dead end. As far as having a glass half full attitude -- I'd never think it obnoxious. I do believe that everyone has a story to tell and should tell it how they see it. Thanks for commenting so thoughtfully, Elizabeth!Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03313726816776097840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-19530191895547775132016-02-22T18:50:51.845-08:002016-02-22T18:50:51.845-08:00I found that piece both true and not true. Yes, I ...I found that piece both true and not true. Yes, I settled in. Yes, I chafed at the accommodations to my own life. Both happened. Caregiving ran the gamut of emotions for me. And one thing that consistently saddened me was my mother's pain. The medical profession had it's had in that pain--and that still makes me angry. I could have written that essay on a good day, and on a bad day written something else entirely. You're right about resentment though. It's ugly. And very, very heavy. Sending love, love, love.Denise Emanuel Clemenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10982725113569943337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-85906714351873927632016-02-22T17:21:49.224-08:002016-02-22T17:21:49.224-08:00I cannot and do not know what it feels like to be ...I cannot and do not know what it feels like to be you, but I am famous for trying to look on the bright side so when I read your post I thought, there is probably no one out there who wants to have a child with serious seizures, who needs full time care, but there are people who wish they could write like you, wish they could cook like you, wish they had handsome, kind and interesting sons. There are people who wish they lived in sunny, warm California. Who wish they had food on the table, health care, family, a car, etc. So while you may be living in a kind of hell on some days, you also seem to have many people who love you and a life rich in experiences that many people can't even dream of having. Sorry if my glass half full attitude is obnoxious (I've certainly heard that before) but you inspire people and that is worth something.Elizabeth Hubbardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03400432568079885099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-8840923166672285812016-02-22T16:25:26.448-08:002016-02-22T16:25:26.448-08:00Oh, Mary, thank you. And for the record, I refer t...Oh, Mary, thank you. And for the record, I refer to that scene in the Ann Tyler's book all the time -- it's one of my favorite of Tyler's and certainly a fantasy of mine.Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03313726816776097840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-63717053500981084472016-02-22T16:03:02.953-08:002016-02-22T16:03:02.953-08:00I was telling two of my daughters today about the ...I was telling two of my daughters today about the plot of one of Ann Tyler's books. The one where the mother/wife just gets fed up with it all and while on a trip to the beach, just keeps walking right out of that life and into another one. Ironically, in that life, she is also a caretaker but a paid one. My girls said, "I can imagine you writing something like that." And I said, "Every woman in the world has had that fantasy. And that's just the "regular" women who have nothing more than the glorious "normal" people and things to tend to. <br />No. I cannot understand. But I can say that you are one of my heroes and part of that is due entirely to your honesty, your humanness. Your frustrations and all of the messy reality of it. Are you a saint? Well. Maybe in my book, but mostly, you are just (just?) human and to all of the women and men who do what most of us can never imagine doing, I bow to you in humbleness. <br />And I'd pour you a shot any day of the week and toast to all of what you feel as you do what you do. And to the fact that you do not just keep walking down the beach, even if you think about it all the time. Ms. Moonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09776404747858099919noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-46561500701219620502016-02-22T15:58:51.089-08:002016-02-22T15:58:51.089-08:00I think those drug lords who order tunnels have no...I think those drug lords who order tunnels have nothing on us, Allison!Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03313726816776097840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-38904906343097313902016-02-22T15:58:29.555-08:002016-02-22T15:58:29.555-08:00I've never felt like settling or even know wha...I've never felt like settling or even know what it feels like to settle.Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03313726816776097840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-18224978494370012682016-02-22T15:57:49.650-08:002016-02-22T15:57:49.650-08:00Honestly, Kari. I think I should pay you as online...Honestly, Kari. I think I should pay you as online therapist. You always have the most cogent, sympathetic and wise things to say.Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03313726816776097840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-9703112480400502582016-02-22T15:56:59.039-08:002016-02-22T15:56:59.039-08:00Thank you for your understanding, Francesca. I kno...Thank you for your understanding, Francesca. I know you know.Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03313726816776097840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-80199890427150841472016-02-22T15:56:35.079-08:002016-02-22T15:56:35.079-08:00Oh, Mary Lou. Jesus. I am sorry. It'll be over...Oh, Mary Lou. Jesus. I am sorry. It'll be over soon -- at least this part. You are an amazing woman and mother.Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03313726816776097840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-91499411262258308562016-02-22T15:55:59.557-08:002016-02-22T15:55:59.557-08:00Will you come and have a drink?Will you come and have a drink?Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03313726816776097840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-88286740145705571822016-02-22T15:55:35.391-08:002016-02-22T15:55:35.391-08:00Thank you, Angella. You are comforting in the best...Thank you, Angella. You are comforting in the best way.Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03313726816776097840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-38284414278839697702016-02-22T15:22:25.358-08:002016-02-22T15:22:25.358-08:00I've already started digging the tunnel from S...I've already started digging the tunnel from SD to LA and have filled it full of vodka shots (cold this time).Allison Ray Benavideshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10513628963796782490noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-37430835931123307352016-02-22T13:28:20.181-08:002016-02-22T13:28:20.181-08:00Well, you know me and my various disagreements wit...Well, you know me and my various disagreements with language. The word "settling" rubs me the wrong way on many counts. And, contrary though it may be to, say, the TED talk circuits, I respect ongoing internal conflict. It's not easy, it's not relaxing, but that roiling unsettled state is a primal soup of active awareness and seeking. <br /><br />Ahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06318174928862120631noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-67566887691243436992016-02-22T12:36:51.712-08:002016-02-22T12:36:51.712-08:00I love that you are so honest about it all. That y...I love that you are so honest about it all. That you read and digest the article and the comments, that you allow yourself to feel the honor and the exhaustion, that you acknowledge that there are dimensions and complex feelings, that says to me that you are, above all, doing this work with your eyes open and your heart open. To me, that is the very definition of "best self." The mere idea that we can gird ourselves against feeling everything by choosing a side to be on is understandable to be certain, but the older I get, the more I believe that if we don't continue to evolve our ideas about the most complicated things in our lives, the harder it will be for us to support each other. <br /><br />You are doing an incredibly hard thing in the most authentic, real way. Thank you for sharing your journey and your drinks at the bar. kariohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10150537989886423212noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-12246410306169974102016-02-22T12:35:54.571-08:002016-02-22T12:35:54.571-08:00My experience is just a glimpse of what your life ...My experience is just a glimpse of what your life is, but I remember the years when I was a sole caregiver, and the only viable path was to become a better and better caregiver because there was no other choice. No choice means both acceptance and resentment. It wasn't a life that could be translated with any words to anyone outside of it. <br />Baci. Francescahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01316361078052416731noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-11550402629420194262016-02-22T11:36:18.759-08:002016-02-22T11:36:18.759-08:00I'm sitting in the hospital, looking at Michae...I'm sitting in the hospital, looking at Michael all hooked up. Electrodes on head, IV line in. Docs have come and gone. We have a plan. Dear Jesus. I hope it works. I want to go back to where we were. It was far from perfect but it was good. Elizabeth---I hear you. I am with you. MaryLou Connollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10487084753413140281noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-33222551794408753032016-02-22T11:35:12.847-08:002016-02-22T11:35:12.847-08:00Just like the Peace Corp, it's the toughest jo...Just like the Peace Corp, it's the toughest job you'll ever love.<br /><br />I became a caregiver after retiring from my M-F job. I did it because I found great meaning and purpose in it. Because I would like to be cared for if I needed it. Because I find great moments of beauty and humanity at its best in it. It's also the toughest f*ing job on the planet. And you have to love it, and find balance with it. And go down to the bar when you want/need to.Tarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03052375488090209961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863417462909147257.post-4344757907784578912016-02-22T11:25:23.651-08:002016-02-22T11:25:23.651-08:00Can there be constant accommodation without resent...Can there be constant accommodation without resentment creeping in at some point? You'd have to be pretty damned Zen. We are mere humans. I am sorry this is so hard, and that you feel the divide right now. I am loving you from across it, and hope that is okay. 37paddingtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12400464105403622384noreply@blogger.com