Boot Camp

I'm going to try tomorrow to get up at 5:30 and go to boot camp. After a two-year hiatus, I've started going to the 6 am class at the La Brea Tarpits. I did this insane exercise class several years ago for about three years. Three times a week, rain or shine, cold or hot, I'd get up at 5:30 in the morning and go exercise outside with a group of strangers. We're led by a former Marine and his wife, both beautiful specimens of humanity, the picture of health and fitness. They don't shout at us or anything, but the exercising is pretty traditional: running, jumping jacks, sit-ups, push-ups, interval drills, weight training. During the winter, you get there when it's still dark outside and watch the moon go down and the sun rise. You lie on your back in the wet grass and it's beautiful. It's literally the only exercise program that I've ever done in my life and enjoyed. Most of the time. But I haven't been in over two years, and it's damn hard getting up that early. Especially in the summer when I don't have to wake up with the kids to get them ready for school.

When my alarm went off this morning at 5:30, I lay there for about five minutes, internally debating whether or not I should go. My thoughts went like this:

Get up. I need to exercise. I need sleep, too. Get up. I need exercise. It'll feel good to close my eyes and relax. It's just as good to sleep as to exercise. I'll regret not going. What if I don't get up and can't fall back asleep? Then it'll be a real waste of time.But what if I go back to sleep. I can sleep for another two hours this morning.

And so on, until it was, indeed, too late to get up and go. I lay there in bed, then, AWAKE, and thought about getting up and perhaps turning on the computer. I could write a little, work on getting the memoir into shape for the prospective agent who has asked for it. Or maybe make coffee and meditate for a few minutes. Or maybe just try harder to fall asleep.

I fell asleep. And had those early morning dreams, intense and colorful. Something with planes and Sophie and anxiety. I woke up groggy a couple of hours later, pissed that I hadn't exercised.

So I'm setting my alarm again tonight and I'm going to Boot Camp tomorrow.