Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Go Bag


I have a very good friend who has what he calls a "go bag," a large backpack filled with all the items he deems necessary should he ever want to pick up and just go. Granted, he's single and middle-aged, unencumbered by small children, a spouse, family that lives nearby -- and the expression is one part fantasy and three parts how to stay sane when you're approaching the age of fifty and perhaps a little closer than you might imagine toward being utterly bored at your work and desirous of something different. For all my talk of living in the moment, and being grateful for what I have, etc. etc., I, too, fantasize about living a different life, starting over, picking up and going. Naturally, I don't wish to abandon my children but there's a frisson to be had imagining the release of all one's cares and possessions, hitting the open road, waking up to a truly different day. As I drive around Los Angeles, a city that I definitely love, as I stop at the post office to mail the catalog return, as I turn up the radio to drown out Sophie's constant humming, as I turn off the radio to better hear where the siren is coming from, as I watch my boys tumble out of the car and into the parking lot and on to sports camp, as I pull up my driveway, get Sophie out, bend down and pick up the circulars that litter the path to the house, step over the errant cleats and into the house -- well -- I imagine what might be in my go bag beyond the basic living necessities.

I'd bring a copy of Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov, I think, and a copy of Virginia Woolf's To the Lighthouse, maybe The Collected Poetry of William Butler Yeats and something by William Carlos Williams -- Asphodel, that Greeny Flower -- but then there's Emily Dickinson and William Blake, Toni Morrison, Michael Ondaatje -- my go bag would be too heavy -- and anyway, where would I go?

Love all that has been created by God, both the whole and every grain of sand. Love every leaf and every ray of light. Love the beasts and the birds, love the plants, love every separate fragment. If you love each separate fragment, you will understand the mystery of the whole resting in God.

Fyodor Dostoevsky, via Gratefulness.org

16 comments:

  1. I have a go bag too - but instead of a fantasy escape, it is a bag of supplies and needs for a medical emergency or a rapid trip to the hospital.

    It works, too. Ever since I packed it there hasn't been a need for it.

    If I had a fantasy "go" bag, it would have to be a steamer trunk.

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  2. Funny- Ms. Bastard-Beloved and I have already been discussing the packing up and leaving fantasy this morning. Sometimes the blog world freaks me out.

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  3. This is my go-to daydream when life is really getting too tough. I imagine that I have my nursing degree and I can go ANYWHERE. I don't have an actual Go Bag, but if I did, I would want one *exactly* like the one you pictured!!

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  4. That fancy VW camper van would be my go bag--but once I have that, I'm pretty sure I won't come back.

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  5. We live on highway 2, which years ago, when I examined the map, I saw that it ended in Mackinack MI. I always think I would just drive to the end of it. I still fantasize about it. We are at milepost 7. Hence my e-mail address.

    A train case like that one would be nice too :)

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  6. I suppose my fantasy "go bag" would be very similar to what I pack for a day at the beach - sunscreen, comfy shoes, yummy snacks, and plenty of reading and writing materials.

    The Dostoevsky quote reminded me of the reviews I've read about the movie, Tree of Life. Have you seen it yet?

    (Frisson, such a splendid word choice.)

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  7. I suspect my go-bag would have inordinate amounts of chocolate in it. And a map with all my bloggy friends' homes marked on it.

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  8. My go bag would be light, nothing perhaps in it. Just waiting to be filled with new things. Perhaps a little package of peace and quiet and little more. Oh, yes just that.

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  9. My bag would have to include my laptop I think at this point. I would feel lost otherwise. But it wouldn't include the phone, the doorbell, the cleats, the mind numbing drop offs and pick ups, the drama, the grief or the worry. If you need a place to go we have the lease paid in full through August in a few places for our student/kids. Granted the places are a little sticky and stuffy , but still. One outside Boston, one in Montreal, one in St.Catherines, Ont. :)

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  10. "Love all that has been created by God, both the whole and every grain of sand. Love every leaf and every ray of light. Love the beasts and the birds, love the plants, love every separate fragment. If you love each separate fragment, you will understand the mystery of the whole resting in God.

    Fyodor Dostoevsky, via Gratefulness.org"

    That was the go-to bag in words. That made me think.

    There have been times I thought as I drove on the freeway of what would it be like to just keep driving. It wasn't that I wanted to run away. No it was just the repetitive daily duties that I wanted to be gone on those days when I felt down. I would come back and scroll through the day...at night as I lay in bed next to my Love I knew why I didn't keep driving....

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  11. Beautiful quote.

    I love how you only think of books for your go bag, and though it isn't the same, I think you might need a Kindle.

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  12. I read that quote this morning. I love knowing that you were down south, reading - and being moved by - the same thing. It makes me feel closer to you.

    And I love your miracle posting (above). xoxox

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  13. I was just fantasizing about having a little vintage airstream trailer today and taking off. sigh.

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  14. thank you for the dostoevsky quote.

    "If you love each separate fragment, you will understand the mystery of the whole resting in God."

    just thank you.

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  15. I used to have a fantasy that I was on holiday by myself and my luggage was lost. I had to start over, make myself over.

    One night when my kids were younger and awful I walked out of the house at supper time, never intending to return. I started driving west but didn't have the right shoes on, or at least that was my excuse. I got about 40km out of town and then turned around. This love we have for children is powerful. Powerful enough to make us stay which is probably a good thing for them and us.

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  16. I haven't had that thought in many years, but for a long time, I used to fantasize about picking up and going. Actually, about just going, no picking up. I guess I don't need a go bag then:)

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