Every morning I get up earlier than the rest of the crew except for The Husband who leaves for The Mistress at the crack of dawn but I make some coffee, put away the dishes and fold whatever's in the dryer. I hear Sophie humming in her room and it makes me sigh because the day is just starting and sometimes the care is overwhelming and I just don't want to do it but I do it anyway, I go into her room and change her diaper and if she's sleepyish I'll put her back under the covers and tell her to relax and go back to sleep and sometimes she does. I drink my coffee and peck around my computer, wonder why David Brooks can make so much sense sometimes and sound like a jackass at others, feel un-nerved by the headlines of The Huffington Post which would probably be better yelled by a town crier, wonder in passing whether we're all doomed which reminds me of the old lady on the park bench in New York City more than thirty years ago who looked at my girlfriend and me, reeling from a hangover (we were) and said, her eyes red and teary It'll nevah change. We're all doomed. And we laughed and laughed about that, saying it back and forth to one another all through college. After this random thought, I might nip it off and read from a book of devotional stuff and then I might close my eyes and breathe, meditate, Sophie's hum in the background because she didn't go back to sleep and it all starts.
The the "close my eyes and breath", sounds best to me.
ReplyDeleteTrying to do much of the same, not many miles away from you my sweet friend.
Like Julius Caesar. Beware the Ides of March.
ReplyDeleteEvery day is the same and every day is different and in that dichotomy resides for me the ability to deal with each one. I think perhaps it is the familiarity of the unknown that keeps me going, just like you, closing my eyes and moving toward the rest of the daily routine. Here and there a peaceful moment brings grace into the vortex and all is fine with the Universe.
ReplyDeleteWe are not doomed, we are just tired.
Thank you for continuing to show up for your life, for your family, for the world, and for us here. Your writings about your life, and your comments on my writing, encourage me more than you know. You are like a favorite teacher; after I post something and you leave a comment, I can't wait to read & find out what you think. Thank you for your friendship and faithfulness across the miles. xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteI could not say it better than Karen did. You are, as I like to say, a force for good in this world and I feel so lucky to be part of your world and to have you in mine.
ReplyDeletewhat karen said
ReplyDelete(and I wonder the very same thing about David Brooks)
they all said it better than me, before me... and YOU say it so well. some days (many days) i get hit with a familiar knot of fear in the pit of my stomach the moment i leave the mists of sleep for consciousness. and i breathe, and pray, and breathe some more, and then i get up, to face whatever the day will bring...
ReplyDeletewhat lovely writing, dear Elizabeth! So happy to have found you! Magical day to you!:)
ReplyDeleteSharing this kind of thing keeps us all sane. For one thing, i'm always reassured to read others find it overwhelming and just don't wanna keep doing it. You know I worry in my heart that I feel that way because Snail is "not mine". So it helps me that others think it too. I think it helps all of us. So thanks.
ReplyDeleteWhen Katie lived at home my days always started with a thump, her knees hitting the floor when she woke up. Then she would bang on her bedroom door with her head. Still sometimes when I hear the same kind of thump, my whole body tenses up again, in memory.
ReplyDeleteboth you and your husband start your days in a way that isn't so easy - I guess it would be easier for you if you weren't alone.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how many of us have that anxious feeling in the morning just as we open our eyes or begin to move through the day. I always thought it was just me.
ReplyDeleteLuckily for me, the antidote seems to be continuing to move and get involved with the day and I often uncover special nuggets of wisdom or laughter and forget how my stomach churned upon awakening.
Love.