A Morning Anthem

I got an email from Anthem Blue Cross this morning that looked like this:

Your Healthy Solutions Newsletter Has Arrived!


It was the exclamation point at the end, all the cheerfulness inherent in the teardrop and pinprick that got to me, and on a day where I'm hard up to find inspiration for writing (the weather, again? Sophie's seizures, again?, the Transit of Venus, again? the arguments between my sons on whether or not they'd seen the transit because aren't you blinded, Mom, if you look at the sun?), well, caustic words toward Anthem might be just the thing.

I think it would be downright refreshing if Anthem Blue Cross would change their marketing and advertising communication techniques and just be honest. At the very least, I would get a laugh and at the most feel a grudging respect for honesty were that subject line in my email to look like this:

We're Busy, Working Hard to Ensure That We Screw You With Increased Rates!


Or maybe something like this:

Our Intent is Not To Give You As Much Stress As Your Daughter's Seizures, But To Make As Much Money As We Possibly Can!


Or maybe something like this:

If the Supreme Court and Republicans Overturn the Affordable Care Act, We're Ready to Really Fuck You Over, So Be Prepared and Get Healthy!


Or maybe even this:

We Look Forward to Continuing Our Long-Standing Relationship of Coming Between You and Your Doctor On All Matters Related To Your Health!


Reader, if you'd like to join me in this campaign for honesty in advertising and marketing, please feel free to leave a comment. Curse words are welcome. Heck, you can even curse me! And don't forget the exclamation point!