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| Close-up of a tree, Los Angeles |
Yesterday, the unbloggable happened and then I worked around a teenage poopy diaper and an over-dramatic youngest child who has a cold not the flu. Sophie had a seizure at the table right at the moment that I was going to feed her an early dinner because she had to come along with me to flag football, so I dragged her out to the car instead where she recovered on cream colored leather, the sun slanting through water spots on the glass. I sat in the car at the park and leaned my head back, my eyes closed, pounding. It's too much, I thought to myself. It's too much.
What's it all about? What are days for? The poet Philip Larkin in his poem titled Days, asks the question and says that days are where we live. Solving it brings the priest and the doctor/in their long coats/Running over the fields.
Oh Elizabeth, I wish I could lift some of that stress off you. I wish it so hard. It is too much.
ReplyDeleteMy love.
I feel it -- your love and concern -- and thank you for it --
DeleteThis should be a "How we do it" post that again needs to be published so you can make lots of money and can worry less about drug costs or how to make ends meet, etc. etc.. How lovely of you to provide comfort at the end of what must be unbearable stress with this wise, thought provoking poem. You write for all of us. ( I do not happen to have a child with special needs) Can I help you find a publisher?
ReplyDeleteYou CAN help me to find a publisher or even agent -- seriously? (And thank you for your kind words --)
DeleteMedical marijuana. And, oh, you know, a little vacation.
ReplyDeleteThat's Nurse Ms. Moon's prescription.
You are right. There are days when it is too much. When I hit that wall, I try desperately to remember my Buddhist principles to not judge where I am or try to fix it, but simply to be in that moment of TOO MUCH and sit with it. Generally, though, I scream some version of "Fuck!" and slam my palms against the steering wheel because it is so satisfying.
ReplyDeleteSending love and light.
Too, too much. Absolutely, positively, too much.
ReplyDeleteJamaica sounds perfect, don't you think?
Love you my friend.
Sending hugs and virtual wine:)
ReplyDeleteIt is beyond hard.
I know you know it well --
Deleteyour stress is REAL
ReplyDeletemost people's stress is cliche
we have those "colds not flu" going around here too - back to school - argh!
It hadn't occurred to me -- honestly, so I appreciate your words.
DeleteIn your case, stress is not a cliche.
ReplyDeleteI am with Kimmie, your stress is real.
What happens when we hit that wall of stress that is too big to climb over (well you know what happens to me via my blog posts).
If only we all lived close enough to help each other smash the wall once in a while.
Thinking of you.
The image of all of us near one another, smashing walls is a sustaining one, Anna! Thank you for it --
DeleteI can't even tell you how much I wish I could take some of the stress away for you.
ReplyDeleteAnd I loved that poem and that we often are moved by the same ones.
Some unbloggable has been happening for me as well but I'm not sure what to call it given that I no longer blog.
I started an email earlier, but I'll try again tomorrow.
New every morning and all that . New every morning.
I love seeing your name here and miss your writing and photography, Deb. I'm sending love to you right this instant!
DeleteThe cursor is blinking but I have no words of wisdom. I am thinking about you. xo
ReplyDeleteit is too much which is why you write and have friends who know—at least to some extent—what you are going through and by understanding can help share with your load. xoxooxoxoxoxox
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, Elizabeth. And sending my best de-stressed thoughts your way. It is too much sometimes. And yet, no alternate choice is given. We love you.
ReplyDeletehuge sigh.
ReplyDeleteof course i have nothing to say that will help other than i am thinking of you and understanding you completely. all i can say is these days are ours to live... the good and the crap... and we'll live them the best we can. stay strong girlfriend!! hugs to sweet sophie.
Hi Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteI am a new reader to your blog. I have been enjoying it so much over the past week. As a special needs mom, your words and images have brought me great comfort. I know hard the days are, and how little time you have to yourself, and yet you still manage to fill your days with so many wonderful endeavours: poetry, reading (your 2012 list is amazing) cooking beautiful meals, creating that wonderful video and the list goes on. You have a rich life, and you have inspired me to do more with my days, to not give up on the things that bring me pleasure. Thank you for sharing your life with us, even the tough days. Sophie is just stunning. I love every picture you have posted of her. Thank you and stay strong! Michelle
Thank you so much for visiting and for your kind words. They mean so much to me --in more than you probably realize.
DeleteElizabeth, dear Elizabeth, I just wanted to cry when I read this. I hope all the love we're sending is a healer and a help. You carry so much, and you give so much. Hugs, hugs, hugs.
ReplyDeleteHow I've missed you. I have a lot of reading to do...and btw. I found the mermaid. I am working on it NOW. Joy Joy Joy!
ReplyDeleteOMG. Where have you been? THIS is a sight for sore eyes! You've made my day!
DeleteI wish I had something encouraging & uplifting to offer you here. Your strength inspires me though, when my problems seem to be too much.
ReplyDeleteGoddamn, Elizabeth. I read this days ago and it has stuck with me ever since. Sometimes it is all too much. All of it. It is.
ReplyDelete