That there man with the huge camera hanging at his side is a member of the paparazzi, and he was waiting for me to leave my yoga studio this morning. There were a couple of others with him, but they stepped back when I raised my camera. I was able to duck behind Russell Brand, though, and make a quick exit in my white Mazda. Russell's shiny black Range Rover served as a decoy, so I doubt there'll be any photos of me. I thought I had problems before, what with balancing the boys' athletic practices and games, sixth grade Math, Sophie's seizures and other shenanigans, The Husband, The Mistress, intellectual stimulation, and housework, but this Expressing Motherhood show and my resulting fame as an Actor has really thrown me for a loop. I hope I don't have to resort to drugs and alcohol like Russell evidently did before he found our yoga teacher and studio.
I love your new Gone Hollywood vibe.
ReplyDeleteI'll be posting heavy German poetry soon, I promise.
DeleteYou're probably going to need to hire a publicist soon. I know of a good one.
ReplyDeleteCant they respect your privacy? Really, you put on your yoga pants one leg at a time.
ReplyDeleteI'm telling you, Sally. It's tough.
DeleteIt's all part of the deal. You must take the good with the bad Ms. Thang.
ReplyDeleteYou should know, a poet at the conference I just wrote about read the poem your blog is named for. Now that you're famous, he evidently heard all about you all the way here in Cleveland. I assume he was referencing your blog, not the actual poem.
I am certain that my name carries more weight than Yeats -- for god's sake, he's in the public domain!
DeleteNot everyone can handle the pressure of fame but you, you can. I am certain of it.
ReplyDeleteI personally can't wait for the fortune part of it to kick in as I hear that the Hollywod heavy hitters take very good care of their friends.
I'm dying laughing. Silly me! I totally forgot to mention how I imagine the money flowing in very, very soon! And of course, I will share it widely -- particularly to those who show me so much loyalty.
DeleteTrying to think of something smart and funny to say but you're the one with the comic chops! Just know, I guffawed.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Heather! I'd like to be invited out so I can be seen about town with you. In fact, I'd rather it be you than Lindsay Lohan!!
ReplyDeleteBest,
Bonnie
When you bring that show on the road, I'll be sure to line up some local Seattle celebs you can hide behind. In the meantime, keep your sunglasses handy.
ReplyDeleteIf Bill Murray joins your yoga class, I'm coming to visit. Be prepared.
ReplyDeleteYou're killing me Smalls!
ReplyDeleteRussell Brand in your yoga class - now that would be distracting! I hope you were able to maintain your calm, lotus-center. He's part of your Sangha now, baby.
ReplyDeletePaparazzi...it makes me laugh (probably because they're not after me)! This just doesn't happen up here. Too funny - unless it's lying in wait for you!
Soon you will be anouncing the release of your own fragrance.
ReplyDeleteHow chivalrous of Russell to act as your human shield! Good guy, good guy...
ReplyDeletehehehe
ReplyDeleteI would like to apply for the job of your personal celebrity assistant. Could you pay me with cake?
When I first read this I thought you meant Russell Crowe, I was consumed with jealousy, and I immediately decided to move back to LA to be his... er I mean YOUR stalker. Every Actor needs a stalker. They also need People to do the laundry in your last post. If you can find Crowe's yoga class I will happily be your stalker/Laundry Person.
ReplyDelete