Monday, November 12, 2012

Secrets and endurance

Jacob, wrestling with the angel, while viewed by Breton maidens
Paul Gauguin 


Sometimes, after Sophie has a big seizure, and my back is aching from holding her and my lip is smarting from where her hand accidentally slapped it while jerking, I pray in a whisper to God. Please take these seizures from her. Make them stop. Give her -- and us -- peace. I don't feel better when I pray, though, because the thought crosses my mind that God might answer the prayer and take her from me. Perhaps that's why I endure.
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12 comments:

  1. Lisa LilienthalNovember 12, 2012 at 7:58 PM

    Oh, Elizabeth.

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  2. AjaxNovember 12, 2012 at 8:48 PM

    I swear Jesus Himself could not love Sophie more than you. I think God knows better than to mess with such a lion-hearted mother.

    Now if only our prayers for a cure could find some angel wings and start making a dent in the state of affairs regarding seizure disorders down here, i'll try really hard to stop shaking my fist at the sky.

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  3. Ms. MoonNovember 13, 2012 at 4:50 AM

    Well, I would pray the same. I would fear the same. I am not sure I could endure.

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  4. AnonymousNovember 13, 2012 at 6:25 AM

    What a heartbreaking post. Even at their worst, we want to hold onto our children. God will bless you for every backache and hurt lip you've had to endure.

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  5. susan t. landryNovember 13, 2012 at 7:41 AM

    oh dear. i gasped at that. no.
    i dont know this gauguin--it's perfect..isnt it.

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  6. GbergerNovember 13, 2012 at 9:25 AM

    xoxoxoxo

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  7. karioNovember 13, 2012 at 9:40 AM

    I don't think the Universe (or God or the Divine, or whatever any of us wants to call it) is so cruel as to twist your prayer like a cranky genie in a bottle. I, too, will pray for you all to have peace.

    Love.

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  8. cheatymoonNovember 13, 2012 at 6:18 PM

    Ack. This gets me.

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  9. AnnaNovember 14, 2012 at 12:00 AM

    I do the same thing with Ryley. I will pray that the seizures stop for Sophie too.

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  10. Vesuvius At HomeNovember 14, 2012 at 9:14 AM

    Oh, Sophie. Oh, Elizabeth. Oh, god.

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  11. FrancescaNovember 15, 2012 at 12:19 PM

    no, no, no! there must be peace, here, on this earth, now! i wish it were easier for you, and me, and all of us to reach it.

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  12. LeslieNovember 15, 2012 at 2:32 PM

    sometimes i pray (and wonder) similar things...

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