It's already been a hell of a week, and I'm dragging. I feel sort of done. Done with all of it.
Do you want to know the only thing that's keeping me going?
There's this test you can take on the New York Times website. It's called Can You Read People's Emotions? Well, I do love a personality test -- can still remember how avidly I participated when they were published in Teen Magazine or Young Miss back in the dark ages. There's nothing like the self-satisfaction gained when you find out whether you're an INFP or an EJFX or whether your breasts can hide a pencil and are therefore sagging too early or perky enough that a pencil drops to the floor. I dropped a lot of pencils in my teen years, and when I stood with my legs together, there were three distinct triangles of space from my thighs to my ankles. Remember those markers, all you ancient comrades?
Anyway.
I took the reading people's emotions test and scored a whopping 35 out of 36 which evidently makes me some sort of mind reader, and all week I've been wondering how I can parlay this new-found skill into an occupation. Someone suggested the FBI, but my absurdist streak is too high for such an earnest position. Someone else suggested poker, but the last time I played cards I won sort of effortlessly because I'm lucky, and I pissed off the Card Powers That Be which kind of bewildered me. Today, I actually read an article about some study that found that those who read literary fiction were more empathetic than those who read popular or regular fiction. Examples for literary fiction were the obvious: Don Delillo, Chekhov, etc. Examples for popular or regular fiction were Danielle Steele and, not surprisingly to me, Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl (a book that I read and felt insanely jealous about, again, that such pablum was devoured by so many). See those glasses in that photo above? Well, I'm a literary snob, and I don't give a damn about claiming that.
Given that I scored near perfectly on the reading people's emotions test and am an unapologetic reader of literary fiction, my empathy skills know no bounds. Dump it on me, people. I can empathize.
Oh, and see those breasts up there? They're currently holding a Kindle Fire under them, so don't be imagining that my head is getting too big.
***First person to guess my emotions when I took that selfie up there gets a cupcake.
.
your emotions from the self-portrait? pride? shoulda been if it wasnt.
ReplyDeletei used to love those quizzes, too, altho since i'm older than you, i took them in Seventeen, Mademoiselle, and Glamour.
mostly i loved the photographs of ordinary women wearing fashion "DOs" and "DON'Ts"...secretly yearned to be brave enough to be a DON'T, wearing polka dots with plaids. (i do it all the time now...). you, in contrast, in photo above, are a definite fashion DO.
Resolved.
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of cupcake?
Best.
Bonnie
I think you are feeling pleased, self-satisfied. But what do I know, I only scored average on that test. (Obviously I need to read more literary fiction.)
ReplyDeleteP.S. I loved Gone Girl because Crazy Amy made me laugh out loud. Even now I smile thinking of her and her wicked, crazy ways.
"I think I will hide and suck down deep breaths now so I don't fucking kill somebody."
ReplyDeleteThat's usually what I'm thinking when I hide in the bathroom. What you should have been thinking?
"You sexy brainy empathetic superstar..."
smug. you're definitely smug. (kidding)
ReplyDeleteI also think smug, and christy I'm off wheat so you can have the cupcake :)
DeleteI have to take that test.
ReplyDeleteYou cracked me up with the Kindle Fire thing. I believe I could smuggle puppies under my bosoms.
I frequently carry my nook around under by breasts. I thought I was the only one.
ReplyDeleteGuess my emotions when I look at the picture and YOU get a cupcake. (my pet name for ...)
ReplyDeleteYou look amused and a bit arch to me, with this definition of arch: Playfully roguish or mischievous, cunning, crafty, sly.
ReplyDeleteI love popular and literary fiction. That must be what cost me those five points and scored me a 30. I just can't give up Rowling or Whedon. I won't.
I am also going to go with smug.
ReplyDeleteConcerned
ReplyDeleteI got a 34 on that test, and I say your emotion is: you look about 16.
ReplyDeleteThe Kindle image is hilarious. Ha ha ha. Love it. And you didn't need a test to tell us you were empathic. That shows.
ReplyDeleteI got 25 on the test. Interestingly enough I did much worse with the men's faces than with the women's. Which might explain my divorce:)
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you feel but you look good.
I think you are proud of yourself and not surprised. Am I right?
ReplyDeleteBTW, I love that you are a literary snob.
you were thinking, 'damn it, next time I take a selfie I will not let the toilet paper holder show up in the background'
ReplyDeleteWell...I don't know, but I thought...damn, that is some awesome cleavage...this from an almost A size...
ReplyDeleteYou crack me up - I'll follow the link to see how I do :)
ReplyDeleteI'm average of course ... And you look mildly bored
ReplyDeleteI scored a 34...perhaps I need to read more literary fiction. ;) The ability to read faces is a gift and a blessing to those who need their faces read. Sending hugs and peace your way. And to me, that face says grace, strength and acceptance.
ReplyDeleteEmpaths are the healers of this world, counselors, doctors, nurses, vets, artists, coaches, spiritual leaders and of course, writers and special needs parents. Many have pronounced psychic abilities and I think you are sad.
ReplyDelete