Don't let appearances deceive you. That might look like a gently mussed white hotel bed, the site of countless assignations, but it's actually the place that saw a battle far more intense than those between the sexes. Sophie and I "slept" there last night, at least for a couple of hours, not counting the three when she woke up with a start and proceeded to flail, kick arch her back, have a series of myoclonic jerks, give me a bloody lip, head-butt me, fling herself into the chair backs that I had placed to prevent her from falling out and otherwise wreak havoc on my beauty rest. I'm deeply grateful for my life and for all the privileges I have, but on nights like last, I dally with fully embracing atheism. Letting go, letting God just doesn't hack it. Then again, the persistence of dawn is surprisingly enough.
Having slept recently with a thrashing two-year old, I only have the barest molecule of an idea what that must be like.
ReplyDeleteAnd it is NOT good.
Bless you both.
Like Mary, I've had some of those nights with a miserable toddler and they are wearying to the bone. I can barely imagine how tired those nights must make you, and hope for you to have no more like it. Poor Sophie, and bless both your hearts. I wish I had words or ideas to help. I hope writing these words gave you some solace. I keep rereading the last sentence which is sublime.
ReplyDeletexo
Been up since 2:30 AM with mine. I get it. "Then again, the persistence of dawn is surprisingly enough." And it is: as long as there is good coffee.
ReplyDeleteThrashing instead of sleeping is torture. Sending love.
ReplyDeleteThese seasonal gatherings can be so hard on the not-neurotypical kiddos.
ReplyDeleteI too was awakened early by terrible distress that needed soothing, to the extent I could. "Holiday" has had a leering, threatening ring to it for decades now.
I remember sleeping with Katie while on holidays. You have to hold Katie still until she falls asleep. Good times.
ReplyDeleteHope you had a good thanksgiving though.
I'm sorry to hear about your difficult night. I am sending you and your darling daughter prayers and good thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThat last line. Wow.
ReplyDeletethe persistence of dawn. what a beautiful phrase.
ReplyDeletesending you strength and love xx