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| Bolsa Chica Ecological Preserve |
I put the post from yesterday in draft form because it feels polluted, almost. Not my language, actually, but what it's about. Not my anger, actually, but just all of it. What happened yesterday -- both the concrete actions and the implications. I feel the weight of twenty-two years of fighting and advocating. I appreciate that many of my readers appreciate me giving voice to what they are feeling, but I'm sometimes tired of giving voice. I feel polluted -- not by anger or despair, which I believe are entirely justified, but by those people who think, believe and act in ways that defy every single value that I hold dear.
I could eat holes through them with words in a sluggish efficiency, a trail of slime.
I feel not a little despair over what's happening in our country regarding health care and a myriad of other issues. I feel not a little despair because it's impacting my family in untold ways -- impacting my relationship to members of my family whom I love and appreciate. I don't know what to do but sit with those feelings and take note, regard.
I'm thinking of Costa Rica. Oliver will graduate from high school in two years, and perhaps that will be the time to move there. Perhaps I'll be trapped here, struggling, forever. I'll sit with those thoughts as well, take note, regard.
I really appreciated that post yesterday and it's a little sad that you took it down, but I can understand why. I had this image in my mind as I read it, of your sparkly eyes and how tired they must look sometimes when you are "giving voice" and the weight we all feel of this muck of horror. The fatique. It's absolutely necessary to get some real breaks to maintain balance. I will take my breaks now, imagining the beauty of Costa Rica.
ReplyDeleteI dreamed last night that I was smacking people. Hitting them as hard as I could and even as I was doing it, I was thinking, "This is not me."
ReplyDeleteStill, I wanted to hit them. I wanted them to leave my house and they would not. They were strangers to me, and now that I think about the dream, it rather makes sense.
Costa Rica. A dream that could very well come true. Why the hell not?
I was glad for your post yesterday. You expressed what I was struggling to express. I am glad for you and your righteous anger. Sometimes I draft on it, and allow it to orient me to true north. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteIt is said "you can't escape" but I believe you can. I did, for nearly 4 years, back in the 80's during the "Reagan Revolution." Sometimes I wonder why I came back from Mexico.
ReplyDeleteWell Costa Rica certainly is very highly rated in health care by the United Nations and it is indeed a Beautiful Country! So whether you are Enjoying a Lovely Daydream about the possibilities or will act upon the urge, I am in agreement that in this Country there is much Work to be done to ensure Affordable Health Care for ALL. Hugs Dawn... The Bohemian
ReplyDeleteI wonder how many American citizens are currently considering, or actually making arrangements to leave this country which seems to become more infested with cold-hearted, backward thinking, greedy politicians every day. I heard one politician during a news interview saying words to the effect that people with pre-existing conditions just should have taken better care of themselves, so he is heartless and stupid. I wish he would take care of that.
ReplyDeleteor Canada?
ReplyDeleteElizabeth is not considering Canada because Canada will not accept her daughter, Sophie. However, Elizabeth, I contacted an immigration lawyer who has both American and Canadian law degrees in immigration. He told me to wait a bit because, late this summer or in early fall, there will be a decision coming down about dependents like our children (your Sophie, my Hannah) and their eligibility to enter into Canada. It could be good news. I will keep you apprised.
DeleteI get it -- the despair, the uncertainty what to do except sit with it. I get it.
ReplyDeleteYou are noted and regarded, as you take note and regard. ❤️
ReplyDelete