Rules for Caregiving Post "Wisdom"* Teeth Surgery

1. Wake to the sound of a seizure at 5 am, a guttural moan and rattling, and run/hobble to patient's bedroom to assess situation
2. Administer large dose of CBD and CBDa via new protocol
3. Think who lives like this? while making sure patient is comfortable. Question pertains both to patient and caregiver
4. Turn on light (essential rule for those who struggle with psychosis in early morning hours)
5. Drop essential oil Frankincense into palms of hands, cup patient's nose for several seconds, caregiver's nose and then massage patient's feet
6. Recite secular prayers and pretend to administer Reiki
7. Note that second seizure does not happen, a small improvement from previous days
8. Change diaper and notice that hydration might be necessary
9. Worry and wonder 
10. Contemplate whether hydration might be necessary in hospital as patient slept most of previous day, having been drugged into oblivion because of too many seizures
11. Think who lives like this? as pertaining to patient. Curse wisdom teeth, so ridiculously named.
12. Text friend from East Coast who emphasizes importance of hydration.
13. Contemplate which hospital to take patient to for hydration, drawing upon 23 years of experience in caregiving
14. Contemplate waking College Boy or Brother to drive patient and caregiver to hospital
15. Contemplate the various pros and cons of hospital admittance
16. Read text from friend: Take her in
17. Continue contemplation of big city hospitals, private insurance and who takes MediCal as secondary
18. Curse the American health care system to ward off financial fears
19. Retrieve large syringe used to administer pharmaceuticals, bottle of cold Pedialyte from fridge and towel
20. Sit at patient's bedside and carefully syringe 5 ml of liquid into patient's mouth until 8 oz is down the hatch.
21. Help patient to cough up mucous with newly purchased $369 portable home suction machine
22. Think who lives like this? pertaining to both patient and caregiver throughout home hydration
23.  Lie next to patient and gradually realize that patient is not seizing like she had in previous days, has drunk an appropriate amount of electrolyte-balanced liquid and is resting peacefully
24. Rest peacefully next to patient while College Boy and Brother sleep unaware of caregiver and patient drama on other side of wall
25. Rise from patient's bed at 7:00 am, make coffee for caregiver and oatmeal for patient to hopefully eat later. Sip coffee and contemplate the universe
26. Bring patient 8:00 medication and coax another 8 oz of liquid into patient's mouth. 
27. Note, again, that no seizures have occurred
28. Think who lives like this? while planning a trip down to Santa Ana to visit a dispensary that has a good stock of CBDa. It's called Fiddlers Greens.

This has been a Public Service Announcement.

* The "wisdom" teeth are so-called because one is presumably wiser when they appear in late childhood, early adulthood. I call bullshit.