My best friend is keeping vigil as her mother lies dying from a terrible cancer. "Why is life so difficult?" I ask Sophie as I heave her into the car. I might have said hard. Sometimes I feel like a monster. Sometimes I am a monster. Heavy. This morning I slept with and woke to the stars. That's what it feels like. The space he brings me. "Are you flying?" he asks, and I say, "No, it's not like that." I want to say soar. The word weightless.
it IS, it just IS. Eating lunch with my mother today and she's not really there. A mere shell and I hate the shell. I, too, am a monster.
ReplyDeleteThank you this clarity. How does it feel? That. That is how it feels.
ReplyDeleteThere is so much pain and suffering in life; it weighs me down so often.
ReplyDeleteI have no answers. Sending hugs.
We are monsters and then we are angels and sometimes we are both at the same time. Life requires that, don't you think?
ReplyDeleteYou have such beautiful eyes.
I love the image of you, flying. Or maybe floating. In any case, above it all, free.
ReplyDelete