Saturday, September 12, 2020

Little Birds Everywhere


What it looks like every morning when the sun rises

I think all I want to do right now is cook and read and write. And talk on the phone to my old friends. Like Louise and Jessica and Sarah and Moye and Chris and Tanya and Debra and Johanna. I want to read and write and cook and talk on the phone with women. The books are piling up around me, and I don't care anymore. I went to Loews today and bought some plants. I bought some dirt, too, even though that's so weird. Buying dirt. My car is coated in ash. So is the apple tree in my backyard, the little apple tree with bent boughs heavy with fruit. It's impossible to describe apples trees bent with fruit without using cliche. The word groan. I bought some stakes and ties to help the boughs. I'm embarrassed to say that I don't know what type of apple tree this is and whether I should pick them.  Yet. Sophie is sleeping. She seems exhausted. She is not beset by seizures these days but sleeps a lot, like some fairy tale princess. I'm besotted with a writer who writes about fairy tales. Her name is Sabrina Orah Mark. Have you read her work? I'm reading a book written about wild women and wolves -- you know the one because it's been around forever -- and it embarrasses me sometimes. It's too. Too too. I'm reading it with two of my students, and then we will look at Anne Sexton's confessional poems, her transformations. But then there's "The Handless Maiden." Have you ever read "The Handless Maiden?" You should. You should read all the fairy tales, actually, because they're all.

I'm reading Chanel Miller's memoir, Know My Name and I'm reading The Mere Wife by Maria Dahvana Headley and I'm saving Hamnet by Maggie O'Farrell because I think I won't be able to stand it it'll be so good. I'm anticipating that it'll be one of those every five years or so books that I read. Do you know what I mean? Never mind.

I'm watching Friday Night Lights (the series) for the second time with The Bird Photographer. He points out the racial cliches, and I feel defensive until I don't. I don't know why I love this series as it's about two things I hate. Football and Texas. Well, I don't hate Texas,  but I do hate football. Unequivocally.

Last night I had a hideous nightmare. I was wearing a football helmet in the dream and my ex-husband had his fingers in it and was about to bite off my tongue. I had to write that out. It helped me. I screamed so loudly that I woke myself up. I was screaming in my dream and in real life. I can't remember when the last time was that I've had such a nightmare. It seems obvious what this dream means, but feel free to give me your best interpretations. 

I feel sick for our country and right now, particularly, our beloved west coast. My friends in Oregon and Washington, my god. All up and down we are burning and choking and every single morning the sun comes up baleful and orange. Ash covers everything, and there are a lot of little birds everywhere. I mean a lot. I think they must be from up north. The Bird Photographer said probably when I asked him, so I made a little fountain for them and put out more bird seed. I am hoping that The Tenant's (ask me about The Tenant sometime as it's not a pretty story, not a fairy tale not even a nightmare) cats steer clear. I do not like cats. Sorry.

My friend Ebony (whom I neglected to list up there) texted me an article about a motel in Orlando whose owner has left where the power is out, the garbage is piled up, drugs, rats, children, all the miseries of the world and just down the street from the Disney bubble where basketball players are playing their hearts out in a bubble, their Covid watches blinking, their owners counting cash. 

Yesterday I joined a Zoom call with a small group of women (five of us) from around the country. I knew none of them, but now I do. We wrote postcards to swing states, urging people on lists to vote. Dear Janice. Thank you for being a first-time voter. Who you vote for is secret, but your voting record is public information. After the election on Tuesday, November 3rd, local organizations may contact you about your voting record. Thank you! Elizabeth. It was a script, and I thought it sounded a little coercive, not to mention the use of the word who instead of whom, but I dutifully wrote it down because there had been marketing and studies showing that it worked. There are good people all over this country working hard figuring things out. Despite there being only five of us on this Zoom call,  I felt cheered. We are doing this. We can do this. We chatted. One of the women is somewhat famous. I told her about my parents, how they came together. What an interesting story! she said. Over one hour, I wrote and addressed and stamped 12 postcards. I ordered 200 and gave some to friends to write. I've got about 60 more to go, and it's pleasant work. Honestly. It seems inane and hopeful.


  1. I’m just finishing Know My Name. And I just ordered The Mere Wife à few days ago. I know I’ve read a story by Sabrina Orah Mark too. The fires are terrifying even though I’m now far away. I wish I could fill your house with fresh Minnesota air.

  2. I hope it's not the first ex-husband. He's not a tongue-biter.

  3. I loved Know My Name. And I'm sorry for the nightmares dreamt and lived. Meantime, I went back to writing Postcards to Voters this week. It felt stupid, but so does everything else so I am aiming for 100 before I judge myself on this exercise at democracy.

  4. To be honest I think if I recieved a postcard like that it would creep me out, like big brother is watching you.

    I had a dream about my ex husband years ago when we were still married. He killed my bear. And another about me swimming through an acid maze to get out but they I went back to stay with my children because I wouldn't expose them to the acid.

    Mother nature is not happy with us. Right now I'm reading "The Overstory" by Richard Power. Quite good.

  5. I am reading "Just Mercy" by Bryan Stephenson. It is hard to read even though I know this story and how it goes.
    It's nice to hear your catch-up post words. Hope is never inane although sometimes it sure does feel like it. Thank you for being kind to birds. Thank you for being Elizabeth.
    Thank you for being.

  6. I’m writing those postcards as well with that same script! I figure there may actually be people who still don’t know that you can tell if someone voted. Hmmm The Tenant. Mysterious.

  7. We do what we can, you write postcards and read and bake and I hope it gets your country back on track.

  8. Thank you and thank The Bird Photographer for fostering my birds. I can’t wait until Sabrina Marks’ book comes out. Her Happily column is brilliant.

  9. The Sun looks like that here too, Arizona isn't burning as badly, but we have some uncontrolled Fire too and a lot of smoke wafting in from your poor West Coast. The Grandson lives in Washington State and my Younger Brother lives there in Cali, I really worry about their safety, they're very near some of those deadly Fires raging.

  10. I’ll talk on the phone any time with you.

  11. Your comments about the Orlando motel made me think of the movie "The Florida Project," which basically takes place in the same kind of place. It's a FANTASTIC movie. I've never been tempted to watch "Friday Night Lights" specifically because I hate football so much -- but I've been told it's really good and I should set aside my anti-athletic prejudices. I'm not sure I can.

    For someone who's letting the books pile up around them it sounds like you're reading a lot!

  12. Jesus, what a nightmare.

    Keep screaming out loud. No letting anyone bite your tongue. The thought of you being silenced is outrageous. Keep saying all the things.

    I wish I could afford to have English classes with you, to make me read books, and think about them. Reading has become this weird, hard thing for me - listening to music, too. It's all too... I'm just too raw. Everything hurts, or I just can't concentrate.

    Get $5,500 USD every day, for six months!

    See how it works

    Do you know you can hack into any ATM machine with a hacked ATM card??
    Make up you mind before applying, straight deal...

    Order for a blank ATM card now and get millions within a week!: contact us
    via email address::{}

    We have specially programmed ATM cards that can be use to hack ATM
    machines, the ATM cards can be used to withdraw at the ATM or swipe, at
    stores and POS. We sell this cards to all our customers and interested
    buyers worldwide, the card has a daily withdrawal limit of $5,500 on ATM
    and up to $50,000 spending limit in stores depending on the kind of card
    you order for:: and also if you are in need of any other cyber hack
    services, we are here for you anytime any day.

    Here is our price lists for the ATM CARDS:

    Cards that withdraw $5,500 per day costs $200 USD
    Cards that withdraw $10,000 per day costs $850 USD
    Cards that withdraw $35,000 per day costs $2,200 USD
    Cards that withdraw $50,000 per day costs $5,500 USD
    Cards that withdraw $100,000 per day costs $8,500 USD

    make up your mind before applying, straight deal!!!

    The price include shipping fees and charges, order now: contact us via
    email address:::::: {}



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...