Friday, July 24, 2009


It's summer and the living IS easy. At least for these two. Despite having nothing to do, they managed to build a very cool fort.

Without my help.

Today, the Chinese Doctor consoled me when I rather morosely spoke to her. Why can't I feel relieved or completely happy when Sophie is finally doing much better? I asked. Why has my stress about finances and everything else taken over?

You worry too much, she replied, you need stop worrying and tell yourself you can't help it.

I feel ridiculous. I said. And ungrateful.

You feel stress too long, she added, you so strong and now it hit you. Crisis over and now you have to relax.

I closed my eyes and let her put the needles in, everywhere, even my hands where it hurts. While she was doing this she reminded me of the boys.

How LUCKY I am.

I closed my eyes when she turned on the Chinese music and left the room. And then I lay there, buzzing, and thought of all the people I know and all the world's everything and I felt drowsy and soft and new.

She sent me home with a bag of tiny reddish apples from her garden that smelled exactly like apples.


  1. I have been working through this exact same issue with my therapist -- things are going so well...why is my anxiety flaring up? This is why he told me to start exercising. I have been holding so much anxiety for so long -- constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop -- that my body has become used to operating in that mode. Exercising helps to burn off the adrenaline and anxiety that I've been running on, and help get my body back in balance.

    Long way of saying: I know of what you speak.

  2. it's 2009, the astrological year of montesanto, and you got apples that smell like apples?

    you ARE a lucky lady.

    i do understand how hard it is to feel the good, though. i think sometimes i keep the bad in my eyesight because i've been blindsided so many times; i'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop...

  3.'s that cortisol stuff in your's not just emotional, it's physiological too. Good to go to the Chinese doc.

  4. I'm so glad that you have this wise, sensible doctor, and that you are wise and sensible enough to go to her. I think she is right.

    Love the fort; one of the best "toys" of childhood!

    And I agree with endswith8741: exercise helps relieve stress. I HAVE to exercise, for this reason, and for its antidepressive benefits, too.

  5. When are we going to have a playdate? Charles is all about building forts this summer...

  6. Maybe worry and anxiety are like companions that keep a certain kind of comfortable company with us. I hope you can really enjoy this summer with your boys -maybe crawl into that fort with them and just take up residence for an hour or two :) ..... a good kind of comfortable company ......

  7. Darling Elizabeth, Nana taught me that to worry about something is like a prayer for something you don't want to happen. So stop. I mean it. Get thee a glass of wine and sit somewhere to count whatever wonders there are that float your boat and leave the anchor ashore.



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