Monday, November 26, 2018

Post Thanksgiving Catch-Up

I had all my chicks home for a long weekend, and that is a good thing.

I had such a good time talking with Henry about all kinds of stuff. It's hard to believe how grown he is, how self-possessed and on his way.

I baked a lot of apple pies.

If you peer into the distance, you can see some biscuits. I baked a lot of biscuits.

I baked a lot of pumpkin cheesecakes, too. They tend to split on the top, even though I refrained from over-mixing the batter (causes air bubbles that rise to surface and split the cake open while baking) and turned the oven off and left them in the oven for two hours after baking. Outside of using a water bath, do any of ya'll have any tips to avoid the splitting? Toasted meringue helped disguise the cracks and went beautifully with the pumpkin, if I do say so myself.

On Thanksgiving day, Carl, Henry, Oliver and I went down to Skid Row to help a wonderful organization feed the needy and the homeless for a few hours. It's shocking to see and disgraceful to accept the level of impoverishment in this beautiful city that I call home. I don't know what the answer is, but I do know that I can help more in whatever capacity.

And then there's Sophie. She is struggling. I don't know the answer and grow tired of living the questions. I had a mini-breakdown on Saturday night. Ok. It was a breakdown. I haven't cried that hard in a long time, the kind of cry where you might as well vomit up your heart, if not your guts. I thought a lot about what it means to be faithful. Faith full. Not to any god but to love and life. There's grace to that, an inversion. Prayer as incarnation, a calling forth, for something dark to be revealed.


  1. Isn’t it extraordinary to realize all you were pouring into your boys has made them into these wonderful thoughtful open hearted men? I’m so sorry Saturday night was so hard. I hope the tears offered some release of sorts. It must be terrifying to confront how little we can control. Holding your family in my deepest heart.

  2. Yes, how incredibly terrifying it must be to realize how little we control. Rosemarie is right. You are right. None of us can shape some situations into what we would want and this, above all else, must break your mother heart.
    Even so, those boys! Look at them in their growing-up beauty! And look at you and at Carl and how it is visible that your hearts are melded. You are all such good people and it's obvious and look at Sophie who is a true beauty in her womanhood.
    As to cheesecakes- don't ask me! And besides, what's wrong with cracks?
    I love you, Elizabeth.

  3. I'm so sorry to hear about Sophie. I live in fear of losing my Katie, even though she's healthy, it's always there that fear. I can't imagine living with that fear and watching my daughter seize. I have no answers but I do know that Sophie is loved deeply and isn't that we all hope for and need in our lives. Sending love.

  4. oh, sweet woman, I'm feeling for you. There's always the good and the bad, and you clearly illustrate that in this writing, in most of your writing. I remember your writing about an epic cry in your shower once...that scene is locked into my brain. Your own pain allows for that compassion you have for others...your helping out on Skid Row is just one beautiful example.

    Thank you for your honesty and your brilliance. Thank you for acknowledging your pain, and for celebrating your children with us. They are all dear to my heart, and that's because of you.

  5. Ah, that feeling of all the chicks in the nest is such a glorious one! So glad Henry was home and he'll be home again soon. I love that you have the baking as a creative outlet, too, and I am sure it made so many others' celebrations full and happy. Sending love to you and Sophie and hoping that she gets through this difficult period soon. Like you, I have no answers, but I am here, holding space for you all. XOXO

  6. Is it a bad thing to have cracks in a cheesecake? I would have thought they were just part of it -- having a homemade cake means the charm of a few flaws. I'm glad you got that valuable time with your "chicks" and found such a meaningful way to serve your community. I can't imagine what it's like to watch Sophie have a hard time. I hope there is some consolation in knowing you have done so much for her, surely all that could reasonably be expected (and even unreasonably).

  7. There's something sacred about a good hard cry in the midst of the love and pain and grace of a full Thanksgiving weekend. Sending love.

  8. So, it was a bittersweet Thanksgiving. For us too... The Son is still very sick and having Seizures daily, he looks like Hell and is struggling too... a Mother's Heart has trouble properly rejoicing in the Holidays when one of her brood is not Well.



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