Tuesday, February 26, 2019

Tuesday Night Grumble and Gratitude

I was going to just grumble grumble grumble. Grumble about that silly movie Green Room winning the Oscar for Best Picture (see my very early dis of it here), grumble about the Bird Photographer leaving town for a week, grumble about all the dumb shit and people we have to put up with who are supposed to be running the country, grumble about always feeling like I need to lose some pounds but knowing that I'll probably never lose some pounds, grumble about doing my taxes and figuring out how to pay for not one but two children in college, grumble about still not having a good doctor to take Sophie to for general issues, grumble about the state of my house, how it's overflowing with books unread and the stack of papers that make up my manuscript that will, perhaps never get written. Grumble, grumble, grumble. The Catholic Church, Paul Manafort, The Methodist Church, sex trafficking, the mediocrity of culture, obscenely rich people -- the grumbles are rolling.

You wanted to hear that, right?

Here's the thing. Despite that silly movie winning, there were a host of truly beautiful, mind-blowing films that should have won it, and I'm grateful for having seen those movies and beyond grateful that there are artists in the world with vision and grace and bravery doing their work. Despite the Bird Photographer leaving me to go shoot birds (with a camera not a gun) in another state, I'm grateful to be partnered with such an extraordinarily talented and sweet man who is doing what he loves best, observing beauty, making beauty. Despite the state of Terrible America, I am grateful for investigative reporters that continue doing their work informing us, digging deep, and I'm grateful to have a brain that is willing to dig deep and wrap itself round difficult things and parse them out. Despite needing and wanting to lose weight, to look like I did twenty-five years ago, I'm grateful to have this strong body that on its best days can lift a 75 pound woman, can walk up a hill to an overlook and gaze out on a shining city with snow-capped mountains and blue skies behind and above it. This body can love, and I'm grateful for that, too. Despite the horror of going through my medical expenses and all the other paperwork I need to do, including just facing the numbers, the dismal numbers, I'm grateful that I finally have a great job that I love. Despite the existential threat to my sanity that thinking about BOTH sons off and away from me in the fall, I am so grateful that they are such fantastic beings with their whole lives ahead of them. Plus, they're damn cute. Despite the tedium of finding a doctor for Sophie and the grappling with CTSS (chronic traumatic stress syndrome), I am grateful that she is doing well on her current regimen of CBD and IVIG, and that she has such a terrific aide at her adult day program. In fact, I think you need to see a recent photo of  the girl:

 Here she is contemplating Art.

And here she is contemplating the Bird Photographer:

Despite the cluttered house, the books to be read and the books to write, I am grateful to be surrounded by all of it, all of it, to have so much beauty in my life, so much love, so much for which to be grateful.

The end.


  1. Yes to everything you said. Green Book? What?
    Sophie looks beautiful. Thank you for loving her so well.
    Methodists can bite me. I mean, WTF, get with the 21st century already.
    I would like to donate my extra poundage to a worthy cause. Perhaps we can help one another with that. After all, it is stored energy!!

    XXX Beth

  2. Yes indeed! I didn't see many movies this year. "Roma" stands out for me. I love your double portrait of Carl and Sophie. Sophie looks so deeply into everyone and everything she sees. Your view of snowy mountains looks like what we see here in Bellingham when we look north to the Canadian Cascades! We've all been grumbling due to unusually persistent snow and ice and no end in sight to the below-freezing temps, and all are grateful that spring is coming (though I can grumble about allergies!)

  3. A good grumble is like a bit of spice to an otherwise bland stew. The secret is in the dosage.

    I spent a couple of weeks in New Zealand recently where healthy, strong and gorgeous Maori women carry what some would derogatorily call "extra" pounds with poise and pride and they truly look perfect. You would not dare to even think of remarking on their weight.

  4. LOVE this post and that last photo. And you. You remind me always to keep digging.

  5. Well said! I can relate on a number of levels. Lovely to see Sophie--herself a work of art.


  6. I like this and thank you for reminding to be grateful. I often forget, especially when I'm not feeling good.

  7. I am generally always grateful despite everything that annoys the shit out of me and enrages me and worries me and frustrates me and, and, and...
    Sabine's comment reminded me of the beloved Alexander McCall Smith's "No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency" series in which Precious Remotswe is referred to as being "traditionally built." How lovely is that?
    Sophie and Carl. Oh, my heart!

  8. Nationally and internationally, it's a very grumbly time -- there's no denying it. I'm glad you can see the positives through all the grumbling! That's a skill we ALL need to cultivate. And by the way, I loved your comment on my post about the mysteriousness of nighttime. It's SO true, how seemingly innocuous things and events seem weird and amplified at night.

  9. You can never keep a Grateful Heart down! The Positive Energy of those wonderful things you have to be Grateful for are riches, things that are truly priceless and money could never buy! The Negativity of this World is vast, but the Old Hippie in me knows that Love is far more Powerful and that Human Beings respond to it and crave it's touch upon their lives. I feel you do your part in the spreading of that Love admirably and your written word is always Beautiful.

  10. Grumble and gratitude. Rattle and roll. Beauty and love. Sending love to you.

  11. That picture of Sophie and the Bird Photographer! Wow. That needs to be in a frame.

    Some days are just grumbly kind of days. My shoulder hurts so much that this will be the last thing I type tonight. I will be grateful for hot tubs. And THC oil. Fuck yeah!

  12. Just to let you know that while I haven't commented here for ages I still read all your posts, enjoy them, absorb them and learn from them. And you still amaze me with your accomplishments. Keep it up!



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