Coming Out

 Given that we're all still feeling nauseous, frightened, anxious, angry, frayed, despairing and humorless, and that photo of me on the surfboard with the cute man behind me perhaps didn't do the trick for those of you most despairing, I've decided to come out as a survivor of the worst awkward adolescent stage -- if not in history, than certainly at my alma mater, The Lovett School in Atlanta, Georgia.  There I am, circa fall 1976, my shiny coffee-colored locks freshly curling-ironed and not brushed out, apparently. I had just grown out my Dorothy Hamill bob, I believe. A brainy eighth grader, I had yet to try hard contact lenses and that year sported rose-tinted goggles with rose-tinted lenses. It's too bad this photo isn't in color, because pink makes you look gorgeous, I'm told. Notice, too, the skinny cords of my neck, wrapped in a puka bead necklace. The collar of my polyester blue shirtwaist uniform dress is artfully arranged, and what you can't see is my wide macrame belt cinched around my fly waist, my chunky navy knee-socks, my bony knees and L.L. Bean Bluchers. I'm smiling, but trust me. I was miserable and had no idea that delirious beauty, an effortless ability to eat what I wanted and still stay thin, and a handsome man behind me on a surfboard would be in my future. All I knew was that the girls giggling in the bathroom as they stroked on blue and green eye-shadow or the boy who told me that I was a pirate's dream (a buried chest) were light years ahead of me in anything that mattered.

I sure showed them.












P.S. Don't tell me that I looked beautiful, like my mother always did, because I'll never trust you, again.

I'm Being Myself

I've already conducted a webinar on puberty and adolescence in children with seizure disorders, made phone calls for my other job supporting advocacy efforts for kids in foster care, spoken to my sister about supporting Oliver with mindfulness meditation, gotten Sophie ready for an 11:00 orthotics fitting appointment that The Husband is thankfully taking her to, prepared for my afternoon meeting with the social worker from Medi-Cal and IHSS who will be appearing between noon and 2:30, hopefully closer to noon because I need to pick my boys up from school early because it's Tuesday, but not too close to noon because Sophie won't be back from her orthotic fitting, and she needs to be at the meeting so the social worker can ascertain whether she still needs benefits and am thinking ahead to this afternoon's semi-annual meeting with The Neurologist in Pasadena, hoping that she'll be in a better position to help ME get Sophie's medication added to Anthem's formulary so that I won't have to go to Vancouver, even though a trip away by myself in Vancouver is alluring.

There's a Mother-Son dance tonight, the culmination of Cotillion, and I'm kind of, sort of, hoping that Oliver will decide that he doesn't want to go. Because it's all too much. Then again, racing back from The Neurologist in Pasadena just in time to change my clothes to be squired around by my handsome youngest son is probably the brightest spot in an otherwise cockamamie schedule.

What are you up to, today?

The Perils of Adolescence, My High School and Mitt Romney

I know everyone has heard, by now, about Romney The Homophobe who bullied a young, effeminate boy many, many years ago, sadistically pushing him to the ground and cutting off his hair, that he didn't like because it was bleached and someone had to stop him. Evidently, Romney The Prankster also laughed when a near-blind teacher almost walked into a plate glass door. Those are the two instances that several people described as indications that the all-perfect presidential contender isn't the moral paragon he claims.

I'll jump into the Romney Fray with just that note: the man as boy mocked a disabled person.


Let's talk about junior high and high school. Let's talk about the cliques: the bullies, the popular people and the jocks, the nerds, the band members, the rich ones, the blacks, the Jews, the Christian Young Lifers, the drama and theater kids, the weird, the trashy, the smokers. These were just some of the groups that existed at my relatively small, very exclusive private prep school in Atlanta, Georgia. I spent six years at that school in probably several of those groups over the years: the nerds, the band members, and the popular (eventually). During the nerd years, I was made fun of, periodically, for being ugly, for wearing large glasses, for being smart and for being flat-chested. I remember in the seventh grade, walking down the hallway after an honors program where I'd received an honor for every subject and hearing some of the cooler people whispering brain, brain, brain and giggling together. That I was smart, even brainy, was something to be ashamed of, and I felt ashamed that year. Ashamed and ugly and flat-chested. As the years went by and the braces came off and I got contacts and learned to tamp down the brain until it was cool to be smart, I gained more confidence, but I never forgot, obviously, those who said those things and those who laughed. I wonder if they remember. I imagine that if I were to accuse them, they'd remember and for the most part they'd apologize or, at the very least, feel chagrin, maybe embarrassment.

Evidently, Mitt Romney doesn't remember a lot of those incidents, and if he does, he has deftly relegated them to the hi-jinks of adolescence.

Here's another thing. I can't remember specific instances, but I imagine that when the tide turned for me, when I began to emerge from the nerd cocoon and become more accepted and popular, I must have snubbed someone, must have hurt someone, along the way, because the pressures of adolescence and the grappling for place almost came down to a sort of psychic survival. If someone were to approach me today and tell me that I'd hurt them once, long ago, I'd believe them and I'd probably cringe and feel terrible.

I'd be ashamed, and I'd say that I was sorry and I wouldn't make excuses.

Mitt Romney bullied and mocked a different person. He forcefully cut off that person's hair. He mocked a disabled person. O.K. It was forty years ago, and we know that he wouldn't do the same today. But when accused, a person of character will apologize for his behavior in the past. A person whose character has been forged by immense privilege and repression -- well, he'll act like Mitt Romney did this week. He's a tool and an asshole, and he's running for the presidency.

Epilepsy and My Child

Looking forward to the webinar on December 13th, I wrote a brief essay in this month's Epilepsy and My Child Newsletter. You can read it by clicking HERE and scrolling down. My piece is titled Adolescence: The Developmental Milestone That Came on Time. The other articles are of interest, too, and we hope you'll register for the free webinar!

What I've Been Working On --

Forgive the repetitious posting of this flyer, but I am hoping to encourage many people to sign up for the December 13th webinar that I and my friend and colleague Jennifer have been working on along with Project Access and the Epilepsy Foundation. The webinar is FREE; you only need to register by clicking on the link in the flyer. Also, the webinar will be relevant to all children with special healthcare needs facing puberty and adolescence, so I'd appreciate you sending the information to your friends or anyone else who might be interested.

I hope to "see" you there!

Strategies for Success:

Communicating with Your Developmentally Disabled Child

During Adolescence and Puberty

Parents of children with severe epilepsies not only deal with the issues associated with epilepsy as a condition, but they may also face challenges with their child being unable to communicate verbally or having cognitive and developmental issues. Despite having a severe form of epilepsy, children continue to grow and will enter puberty and adolescence as any child would. Parents may be unsure how they are going to handle this stage of their children’s lives. Two parents, Elizabeth and Jennifer, will share their stories and our certified expert, Courtney, will provide helpful information for parents and youth on ways to communicate effectively during the pubescent stages and adolescent years. Also, the latest addition is Dr. Janelle Wagner, a psychologist who will provide information and data on the effects of epilepsy and relative conditions in adolescents and young adults.

Moderator: Elizabeth Aquino, Parent

Presenter: Jennifer Bertram, Parent

Featured Speaker: Courtney Kowalczyk, M.Ed.

Scientific Expert Dr. Janelle Wagner, PhD (Just Added)

Some topics that will be addressed:

Communicating with your child about his/her body changes

Social appropriateness and private behaviors

Assisting your pre-teen/teen with proper hygiene and care

.

If you are a parent who has questions or concerns about your child, please join us for this very informative webinar.

Link to register: http://ncpawebinar1.eventbrite.com/   

At the end of the webinar there will be an extended live Q & A session on the Epilepsy Foundation's eCommunities website.

Have questions? Submit your questions to the Forum before the webinar. Selected questions will be answered during the live event.

The information presented during this webinar is not intended as a substitute for medical advice. Please consult your physician about all clinical care and treatment decisions.

Hosted by the National Center for Project Access of the Epilepsy Foundation. This event is funded by the Health Re-sources and Services Administration’s Maternal and Child Health Bureau under grant # U23MC08582.

What I've Been Working On -- Please Spread Around and Attend

I work part time for Project Access with my friend and colleague Jennifer Bertram. We've been busy organizing and working on the following webinar. I would really appreciate you spreading the word to all those you know who have children and adolescents with developmental disabilities. And if you don't, but just want to hear how goofy I sound, register (it's FREE!) and listen!

December 13, 2011 1:30PM - 3:00PM pm EST

Strategies for Success:

Communicating with Your Developmentally Disabled Child

During Adolescence and Puberty

Parents of children with severe epilepsies not only deal with the issues associated with epilepsy as a condition, but they may also face challenges with their child being unable to communicate verbally or having cognitive and developmental issues. Despite having a severe form of epilepsy, children continue to grow and will enter puberty and adolescence as any child would. Parents may be unsure how they are going to handle this stage of their children’s lives. Two parents, Elizabeth and Jennifer, will share their stories and our certified expert, Courtney, will provide helpful information for parents and youth on ways to communicate effectively during the pubescent stages and adolescent years. Also, the latest addition is Dr. Janelle Wagner, a psychologist who will provide information and data on the effects of epilepsy and relative conditions in adolescents and young adults.

Moderator: Elizabeth Aquino, Parent

Presenter: Jennifer Bertram, Parent

Featured Speaker: Courtney Kowalczyk, M.Ed.

Scientific Expert Dr. Janelle Wagner, PhD (Just Added)

Some topics that will be addressed: 

Communicating with your child about his/her body changes

Social appropriateness and private behaviors

 Assisting your pre-teen/teen with proper hygiene and care

.

If you are a parent who has questions or concerns about your child, please join us for this very informative webinar.

Link to register

At the end of the webinar there will be an extended live Q & A session on the Epilepsy Founda-tion's eCommunities website.

Have questions? Submit your questions to the Forum before the webinar. Selected questions will be answered during the live event.

The information presented during this webinar is not intended as a substitute for medical advice. Please consult your physician about all clinical care and treatment decisions.

Hosted by the National Center for Project Access of the Epilepsy Foundation. This event is funded by the Health Resources and Services Administration’s Maternal and Child Health Bureau under grant # U23MC08582.