Soul Repair in a Cruel Era

photo by Carl Jackson

On Friday night, poet and MacArthur Genius, Heather McHugh, graced a room full of my friends who came to watch a screening of her and Adam Larsen's documentary UNDERSUNG. The documentary is a love story unlike any you might have seen, following four families as they "explore the limits of human need and in the process show us something limitless."

Long-time readers of this blog know that several years ago I was fortunate to receive a one-week, all-expense paid respite in Victoria, Canada. Caregifted is a non-profit foundation founded by Heather shortly after she received her Genius award. Family caregivers who have been caring for their disabled relative for at least ten years are eligible to receive the one-week respite grants.  The week quite literally changed my life, transforming my perceptions of identity and what my future might be. I felt grounded, at peace and truly rested for the first time in nearly two decades. I felt a deep and abiding sense of possibility that holds true even today, three years since I lay on a bed by myself in a little apartment in Canada, took long walks on a log-strewn beach, wandered the small town and took long, luxurious baths while the rain pattered on the ceiling.

One of my best friends, Cara, opened her gorgeous home to all of us on Friday evening. Here I am in a room full of people that I love, trying to do justice to what Heather and Caregifted gave me that summer:

photo by Carl Jackson

Heather is not just an angel and philanthropist but a poet. When we planned the evening, she wrote me:

We could think of these gatherings as soul repair in a cruel era. Something we can do, as artists and philanthropists, to re-secure communities of kindness. I see these gatherings as just another way (like the marches) of re-securing our premises in principled kindness, over and against mockeries and manhandlings and one-upsmanships.

Given the constant drumbeat of hideous news and our mounting fears, particularly for those of us in the disability community (our disabled children and young adults are among the most vulnerable in the country), Heather's message was truly soul-repairing. She read two powerful poems and then led us down a labyrinthine path, telling us how caregivers have inspired and motivated her to action. I can honestly say that I still don't understand how this woman who is not a mother herself has accomplished something incredibly profound in understanding exactly what our experiences are -- both the joys and the sorrows -- and reaching out to help us in a way that has eluded even our closest friends and relatives. She is one of the great humanitarians, I think, of our time.

On Friday night, Heather truly secured our premises in principled kindness.

I find myself, again, deeply in debt to both Heather and the many friends who came out to support Caregifted.

Thank you, beautiful people!






Make a donation to Caregifted, if you're so inclined!

The documentary can be streamed on Amazon now, and I highly recommend that you watch it. Here's a clip:

#RESIST

Scared Sh*tless and Resistant

Just when I think I've had enough, there's something more. Yesterday it was reading that Drumpf (#notmypresident) had appointed arch-conservative Georgia congressman Tom Price to be his Health and Human Services secretary. These appointments -- this vile human being and Jim Sessions, the arch-conservative racist senator from Alabama who will be the chief law enforcer, and the billionaire woman who will be in charge of wrecking public education, render me scared shitless in a profoundly personal way. I'm afraid that there might literally be nothing positive to be salvaged over the next four years and possibly longer, that any progress we've made during the last eight years will be utterly squandered and that the lives of the most vulnerable people in our country -- the disabled, in particular -- will be damanged irrevocably. Both Price and Sessions are vehemently opposed to medical marijuana -- have fought in their respective states against it, have made ignorant statements about it and will now be in the position to reverse a lot of the gains that have been made during the last couple of years, even. Price despises the Affordable Care Act and wants to turn even our right to healthcare into a commodity -- something to bid for, to shop for. Sessions has made disparaging comments, on the record, about public education, particularly special education, leading many to believe that he will work hard NOT to defend the American Disabilities Act and the Individuals with Disabilities Act. He called the inclusion of disabled students (particularly those with behavioral challenges related to their disability) "the single most irritating problem for teachers throughout American today."  He has blamed those disabled kids getting accomodations for the "decline of civility" in this country.Do you think, as Attorney General, that he will have the best interests of my daughter and millions like her in mind?

These people will gut the ADA and they will gut IDEA. They will take away women's reproductive freedom, and they will do it in the service of their fucked up god. They will stall the descheduling of marijuana and go after even those states that have legalized it. They will deny people of color and religious minorities their constitutional rights.

Do I sound hysterical? Do I sound like a sore loser or a whiner, as cousins of mine stated on their Facebook page two days after the election? Do I sound angry?

I'll tell you something. I'm almost hysterical. I'm not a sore loser, but I'm losing. I'm not whining. I'm shouting through words. And yes, I'm angry. I'm going to resist being scared shitless, though, because this is my country, too. A country is only as strong and great as its attitude toward the most vulnerable of its population. Right now, America is poised to be led by a racist misogynist who was voted in by a minority of selfish, uneducated and ignorant citizens . Whether it's him or the craven Republicans pulling the strings, he's surrounding himself with a bunch of privileged sycophants.



For the past two weeks I have woken in dread for what has been wrought on us personally and as a culture and nation. People whom I love have brought this on us, and I just can't shake it.

Yes, this is a rant. I'm waking in dread, but I'm moving forward in resistance.







Today is Giving Tuesday. You can help these organizations that help the disabled. We will need it more than ever --

1. Jewish LA Special Needs Trust

#Giving Tuesday is finally here! As a new nonprofit, we are excited to join this global day of helping and caring for others in need. Remember, all gifts to JLA Trust will be used to help our Outreach and Education activities, and allow us to assist more people with disabilities. You can ensure that a veteran living on government benefits is able to enjoy a higher quality of life and that a single mother can plan ahead with confidence for her child with disabilities  by clicking here! Your dollars will help us help others.

2. Caregifted

TODAY REALLY MATTERS. Gates Foundation doubles your "Giving Tuesday" donation. That means for every $100 we get $200 today only-- and bless you, if you happen to be able to donate $1000, then the $2000 we get takes care of travel and food for an entire caregiver getaway! I donate upscale hotel lodgings for all caregiftees-- can you help with travel and food? Why do I feel so strongly (as my mother did before me) that the woman's touch is so much needed in this world? And there are some amazing caregiving men, too-- we need to reach a hand out to them. THANK YOU ALL WHO HELP.

3. Realm of Caring

We improve lives through Research, Education, and Advocacy. By funding and conducting Research, we learn more about cannabis and its effects while legitimizing the therapy.Education empowers consumers to select the best products for their individual needs, and informs healthcare professionals about options for their patients. Through Advocacy, we spread the truth about cannabis and expand access to those in need. 

Love is a Verb, Part 345

Crescent Lake, Washington

I slipped away from sunny California and traveled first by plane to Seattle and then by ferry and car to  Port Angeles in stormy but beautiful Washington for a long weekend. I joined my friend, fellow writer and caregiver Jeneva Burroughs Stone, and writer/caregiver Leslie Haynes at the invitation of Heather McHugh, the MacArthur prize-winning poet who founded the organization Caregifted. Many of you who've been reading this blog for years might remember that I received a week of respite several years ago, the first time I'd been away for more than a few days in more than nineteen years. Caregifted provides respite weeks, free of charge, to family caregivers of the disabled who have been doing the caregiving for at least ten years.

That week in Victoria is documented on my blog, and it quite literally changed my life. I grew to love Heather and what she is doing for those of us with these unique, often arduous but also deeply fulfilling lives. Most, if not all of us are exhausted, and while we might have learned some profound perspective, the relentless nature of caregiving for a severely disabled son, daughter or spouse is something that few people -- even close friends and family -- ever understand. I'd say that Heather McHugh is a person who does understand this -- inexplicably, as she has no children of her own. She is a poet and an angel -- and I don't say that lightly.

There is no other organization that I know of that does what she does, and while it's a small one, the impact of Caregifted is deep and intense. Heather invited us to her beloved Pacific Northwest  to have a kind of creative pow-wow to figure out how to keep the organization going. Given the disastrous election, many of us who work with and care for our disabled children and young adults are justifiably terrified at what might happen. We are certain that any services we might receive could very well be cut or drastically reduced. We are concerned about the rights of our children and all people with disabilities and about our ability to fight successfully for them. Disability rights are civil rights, and they will be threatened. There has been real progress under the Obama administration in the areas of education law, the Affordable Care Act and other issues. Many people don't realize that, but there is still much work to be done. The cognitively disabled, in particular, are overlooked, as are the severely disabled, and our lives as caregivers are seriously impacted by a culture and government that doesn't acknowledge or help us.

Caregifted is an extraordinary and very unique organization. Since the election, many of us are mobilizing through concrete action to help organizations that are helping the disenfranchised. I am making monthly donations to Planned Parenthood and to the ACLU. I plan on registering as a Muslim should the Trump administration make registration a priority, and I am ready and willing to do what it takes to resist the mockery of a presidency, the band of mostly white men who surround him and the legion of their supporters. I know that many of you are doing the same, supporting organizations that support people of color, the LGBTQ community, climate change initiatives, Muslim and other religious minorities, as well as women. I urge you to add the disabled to your list. Caregifted is decidedly NOT a political organization, but it is an extraordinary and very unique one. I would love if you'd make a contribution, however small, to Caregifted. Helping caregivers helps the disabled. Rights for the disabled are civil rights. Trust me on that one.

Here's their website. Donate if you can. Stay tuned to hear about screenings of the wonderful documentary Undersung. We are a small group, but you are a mighty one. Share it and tell your friends and family about it.

Thank you!

Weekend

I know there's a metaphor somewhere in that photo of a little knothole in the Ventura Pier that I took last weekend, but I just haven't been able to think of one. Let me know if you have any ideas.

I'm getting ready to drive down to Orange County with the boys. Henry has a lacrosse tournament over the weekend, so I'll be -- what is it called? -- stateside, with my book, some knitting and my best pretend sports-Mom look. I'll keep you posted.

I know I have a lot of readers who are writers, and I wanted to tell you about a very cool opportunity you have to contribute to a wonderful cause and get a languishing manuscript read and critiqued by a famous writer. My alma mater, Caregifted (the organization founded by the MacArthur Genius grant winner, poet Heather McHugh) that sent me the amazing one-week, all-expenses paid trip to Victoria in June of 2013, will benefit from all the proceeds of this fabulous event/opportunity. Seriously, ya'll. Some of the writers donating their time to read YOUR manuscript are

Rae Armantrout, Mary Jo Bang, Robin Black, Matt Bell, Janet Burroway, Ron Carlson, Alexander Chee, Billy Collins, Nicholas Delbanco, Mark Doty, Cornelius Eady, Therese A. Fowler, Daisy Fried, Linda Gregerson, Mark Halliday, Matthea Harvey, Tony Hoagland, Major Jackson, Ben Lerner, Philip Levine, Thomas Lux, Rebecca Makkai, Michael Martone, Elizabeth McCracken, Joyelle McSweeney, Eileen Myles, Lucia Perillo, Joanna Rakoff, Roger Rosenblatt, Natalie Serber, Brenda Shaughnessy, Rebecca Wells, Joe Wenderoth, Hilma Wolitzer, Laura van den Berg, Dean Young, and Matthew Zapruder.

You can read more about it here.

Reader, what are your weekend plans? Do you have a metaphor for my photo of the greeny sea through knotty pine?

Thrilled and Honored

I'm over the top grateful for this recognition. Honestly, it seems ridiculous to give me a reward when Heather McHugh and the beautiful people who run and support Caregifted do what they do. If you don't know anything about these angels on earth, you can catch up here. 

Now I'm going to flip through my photos from my week in Victoria and meditate on them. The beautiful thing about that week of respite is how it still sustains me. I think it's the affirmation of possibility of rest, if that makes sense. If you're a caregiver and believe that you'll never feel whole again, or rested or even sane, trust me that it's possible.

Gifts, Poetry and Cake

I've had a lovely day -- breakfast with my friend Jenni, flowers from those neighborhood cuties above, and a coconut cake that I bought myself in the late afternoon. Henry surprised me with a card and an apple, carved into a swan.

Who knew?

Oliver gave me the most beautiful blue reclining Buddha. Here it is in front of my friend Moye's gorgeous pottery:

I posted both the apple turned swan and the Buddha on Facebook, and Heather McHugh -- that angel saint poet who gave me the respite week last year and who is the founder of Caregifted -- wrote a comment that is a poem. Honestly, I am in awe and so honored. Here it is:

amazing how much they have in common, the swan and buddha, in these iterations... but though the steadiness of the buddha's eye is to live for, the seediness of the swan's eye is to die for.

Wow. Right?

And then someone left this link on my last post which I believe is perfectly suited to a person who was born in 1963.



So, there you go. Gifts, poetry and cake -- I am rich indeed.

More of the Night Before Last, Yesterday Afternoon and This Morning

I'm back in Los Angeles, the Oscar helicopters are circling, and I've already scrubbed my Barbie bathroom clean. 

Let's reminisce.

Here I am in the Chihuly boathouse BATHROOM. It was filled with vintage children's books and weird animal figurines. It was, after the pool, my most favorite room:

Here's a magnificent 85-foot table, made from one slice of a tree that was felled when too many prisoners in a penitentiary used it for escape. It begged for someone to dance right down it, but I refrained.

Here's a close-up of the sculptures that ran down the table in rainbow colors:

Here's a close-up of the bar. See that familiar photo of moi? It was sitting right below the bottle of Scuttlebutt beer that features a mermaid and the letter S. Like my friend Carrie says, There are no accidents. Those photo cards were distributed throughout the boathouse -- the beautiful people at Caregifted loved our video and used the still photos in such a beautiful way.

There were stacks and stacks of warm-colored Navajo blankets in a room ringed by low leather armchairs and a wall of sepia-toned photos of Native Americans. There was poetry by Heather McHugh and Robert Pinsky. There was jazz by Molly Ringwald. There was an excerpt of an upcoming documentary about us -- long-time caregivers of the disabled, made by the extraordinary Adam Larsen. Remember that name. My friend Cara and I drank, perhaps, a bitt too much beer and wine. We laughed a lot. I told her secrets, and she held them. When the event was over, we took a taxi to a restaurant called Grub, and I ate sauteed calamari with a light, flavorful sauce of tomatoes and wine and garlic. I drank a whiskey sour, and I slept well.

Yesterday afternoon, we hosted a luncheon for the caregivers, and I met and talked with the most wonderful people -- all recipients of respite weeks. They each have incredible stories, many of which will be featured in the documentary.  It was rainy in Seattle that afternoon, but I lay on my bed and read and thought about everything, relished it all. Last night, I sat in the living room, sipped some berry wine and talked for hours to Adam about caregiving, about dance and documentary and cities and life. Remember what I said. Remember Adam Larsen's name!

This morning, I woke early, and Heather gave me a ride to the airport. We stopped at a funky hippy bakery and got coffee, talked every second of the 45 minute trip. I love this woman and can't believe my good fortune to have met her.

How's that for superlatives thrown willy-nilly?


Reader, what did you do this weekend?

Last night

I'm typing away on my phone here and can't possibly keep up, but I wanted to let y'all know that I'm having a great time in Seattle.  While 14,000 people brave the AWP (and I'm beginning to think that it's de rigueur to complain about it), I was wandering the city, visiting quiet salmon runs, the Crittenden locks:

While the deluge hit Los Angeles, I walked under blue skies, ate lots of good comfort food and drank craft beer. And the Caregifted benefit?

Sensational! It was at the Chihuly boathouse, literally under a massive bridge. I have some awesome photos but will surely go blind if I continue posting, so I'll leave you with the one of the swimming pool -- the floor of which was covered in these glass sculptures!

Holy moley, right? The photo at the top of this post is one taken by my friend Cara, and I think it looks like I've been painted on the wall or something. Surreal stuff -- and I got to shake hands with the great Robert Pinsky,  too.

 I might have to make that my new header such was my awe!

I'll check back in tomorrow with more notes and pictures. My eyes and pecking finger are twisted --

I'm off to Seattle this afternoon, where I'll be meeting some new people and attending the Caregifted benefit on Friday night. Word is that Molly Ringwald will be singing jazz and the great poet Robert Pinsky attending. Heather McHugh, the Master of Ceremonies, Saint of Caregiver Recognition and Poet is responsible for this beautiful event, and I'm very excited to be a part of it! If you haven't already, please visit the Caregifted website and look around. There's a wonderful video, photos, testimonials and even a place to donate, if you're so inclined. I look back on my week in Victoria, a grant from Caregifted, and realize, yet again, that what I received was literally life-changing.

On another note, are ya'll watching the second season of House of Cards? No sooner had Downton Abbey finished then I opened up my Netflix and watched the first episode. I won't type any spoilers here, but what happened churned my stomach. I was into the first season, and have just now finished the second and third episodes, but I'm wondering why exactly I'm watching such vile people. I've never been a big fan of Kevin Spacey, although I concede he's an incredible actor, and the relationship between him and his scary ice-queen wife, played by Robin Wright, is something to behold. But, it's just gross -- the whole thing -- and at the same time sort of boring, the way perversity is sometimes boring.

Stupid Meditation on Peace

BY ROBERT PINSKY

        “He does not come to coo.”
                    —Gerard Manley Hopkins

Insomniac monkey-mind ponders the Dove,

Symbol not only of Peace but sexual

Love, the couple nestled and brooding.

After coupling, the human animal needs

The woman safe for nine months and more.

But the man after his turbulent minute or two

Is expendable. Usefully rash, reckless

For defense, in his void of redundancy

Willing to death and destruction.

Monkey-mind envies the male Dove

Who equally with the female secretes

Pigeon milk for the young from his throat.

For peace, send all human males between

Fourteen and twenty-five to school

On the Moon, or better yet Mars.

But women too are capable of Unpeace,

Yes, and we older men too, venom-throats.

Here’s a great comic who says on our journey

We choose one of two tributaries: the River

Of Peace, or the River of Productivity.

The current of Art he says runs not between

Banks with birdsong in the fragrant shadows—

No, an artist must follow the stinks and rapids

Of the branch that drives the millstones and dynamos.

Is peace merely a vacuum, the negative

Of creation, or the absence of war?

The teaching says Peace is a positive energy.

Still something in me resists that sweet milk,

My mind resembles my restless, inferior cousin

Who fires his shit in handfuls from his cage.

(lifted from the Poetry Foundation page)

Korean Spas, Catholics, Epilepsy, Stigma, Seattle and Other Astonishing Things

So, I did a little work today for the non-profit that helps kids in foster care. I commented on a friend's article on a Catholic mother website and veered off topic and then regretted it. I think it was the Catholic part that set me off. I also went to the Korean spa for a scrub, and when I was finished I told a friend to remind me to do it more often. Honestly, it's like being reborn. Speaking of Korea, I just read an article about South Korea changing the name of epilepsy to cerebral electric disorder. "They" are doing this because of the stigma surrounding the word -- and the condition. In Korea, epilepsy has been considered the result of "evanescent spiritual forces and even demonic possession." I'm not sure what I think about changing the actual word and how much it might remove the stigma. I do remember, though, back in the day, when people would ask me what was wrong with Sophie, and I'd tell them she had a seizure disorder. It's not EPILEPSY, is it? they'd inevitably answer, and then I'd sigh and tell them yes. Back in the day, I'd also tell them the statistics and how epilepsy is the most common neurological disorder in the world, that anyone can have a seizure at any time in the life-span. Blah, blah, blah. If the person asking me was utterly clueless, they might add, But can't they give her something for that? or the even more clueless She'll probably grow out of it, right? I'd politely answer the questions, make them feel better and then scream in my mind.  As for the demonic possession part -- well -- there are certain types of seizures that perhaps warrant that description, especially if we didn't know any better. When Sophie had atonic drops, she could be standing up or even sitting on the edge of her bed, and in the blink of an eye -- or even half-blink -- her face would be planted on the floor. I don't think I could have pushed her any harder or quicker if I'd put my hand on the back of her head and slammed it there myself. The fact that it happened, sometimes, upwards of a hundred times a day warranted demonic as a descriptor.

Speaking of Catholics, there's the medieval case of Christina the Astonishing, a woman who lived from 1150 to 1224 and whose seizures were understood to be her willing submission to demonic torments to provide much needed respite for those in purgatory. The medical abstract I read about Christina stated that her case was unique in that she provides an ingenious link between the demonic and divine explanations of the disorder. Oy. Catholics! Neurology! (You can watch Nick Cave sing her life here)


Anyhoo.

Well, that was certainly an irritable rebirth, wasn't it?

Sorry.

I'm a bit wired up having been in terrible traffic all day. The dang Academy Awards are on Sunday, right up the street from where I live, so streets are closed and helicopters are circling and it's hard to not be a hater and feel it's all bullshit. On the plus side, I'm getting ready to fly to Seattle tomorrow to attend the Caregifted benefit. I'm excited because I've never been to the rainy city, and I think Heather McHugh's foundation is one of the most outstanding in the country and certainly deserving of donation. You can visit the site here. Heather told me that she'll be showing the Extreme Parenting Video Project at the benefit, so many of you will make the party virtually! If you haven't seen the video and would like to do so, go over to my right sidebar and click on my picture holding up that sign. I'll be leaving Los Angeles just as some rainstorm of the century hits it, and word is that Seattle will be sunny. What are the chances of that?

I might not be posting very much over the next few days, but I promise to get out of this irritable mood and rebirth myself.

What Heather McHugh, Caregifted, Molly Ringwald, Robert Pinsky, Poetry, Respite, Seattle and I have in common

Victoria, 2013

That's me and Heather McHugh, the extraordinary poet, MacArthur Genius Award winner and founder of CAREGIFTED, the organization that sent me on a week-long respite trip, all expenses paid, last June in beautiful Victoria, Canada. Keep reading the rest of this post to learn about an upcoming benefit for CAREGIFTED in Seattle right around the AWP conference. I'll be at the benefit and would love to see any of you there! Please share if you're a caregiver or a Seattlite or just know of people who might donate to this worthy organization.


via Heather McHugh's Facebook page:


PRETTY IN PINK star Molly Ringwald not only won hearts by doing John Hughes movies, but she also sings JAZZ! She'll be coming to Seattle on Feb 28 to do just that, a performance for CAREGIFTED caregiver respite-- and so will emeritus US POET LAUREATE Robert Pinsky and world-touring jazz pianist Laurence Hobgood-- all three are taking time out from their own tours in order to come to Seattle to perform for the benefit of the weariest souls on earth-- and it'll all happen at the eye-boggling Chihuly boathouse (a private venue). Only people who get their tickets at this link can come!

http://www.strangertickets.com/Browse#search=Chihuly%20Boathouse

With more than 10,000 writers due to come to town for the AWP conference that week, and only 175 tickets, the slots will get swallowed up-- so if you have an interest in caregivers or if you already live in the incomparable Pacific Northwest, you might want to grab your tickets BEFORE the announcement is posted elsewhere this week to all the out-of-towners making their own plans for a week here.. ALL proceeds go to respite for the weariest of family caregivers-- these are the ones who have spent a decade or more giving up opportunies of their own in order to take care of someone who can't take care of him or herself. And they do it until one of them dies. Talk about love. No better Valentine's day gift than this one, for you or anyone else.

Caregivers of the kind CAREGIFTED serves are saving ALL OF US billions of dollars of institutionalization costs-- and they are invisibly working day and night in every extended family, every neighborhood. Most people turn away, if they notice at all. But the fact is, these caregivers can teach us the truth about love. Our first single dad caregiver (of a severely disabled teenager) is taking his CAREGIFTED getaway in 2014-- he and another caregiver who will be at this Chihuly Boathouse Benefit Soiree and both are featured in this clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZ78gHne0LM

(The other is the woman who MADE the film clip, the cherishable Elizabeth Aquino). At the event Feb 28 (5 to 8:30) you'll be able to raise a glass to both of them, and 8 other CAREGIFTED awardees, and also see what Adam Larsen has been doing lately with our CAREGIFTED documentary (he just appeared on POV on PBS).

Not to mention a chance to bid on rare art works like a signed Samuel Beckett novel's first edition, and a signed Linda McCartney photograph, holidays in Whistler and Vancouver Island, and more...

This event ain't cheap, but includes all these amazing people, artists, performances, food, drink, and a location that you'll never see anywhere else-- one-of-a-kind, a real dazzler-- and your choosing THIS for a Valentine's Day present to someone who can be in Seattle Feb 28 will ensure we can go on giving our all-expense-paid weeklong getaways to these most desperately-tired caregivers from all over the country.

This is MY Valentine's gift to YOU, letting you know before the rest of the world does. Now pass it on, yourself, for love!

http://www.strangertickets.com/Browse#search=Chihuly%20Boathouse

'Bye, Canada!

Things I've seen

Last night, I went out to eat with The Poet at a strange and wild restaurant that I couldn't begin to do justice with words. Think stuffed animals -- not the toy kind -- antique zoological prints, a mantelpiece, strange and careful collections. Think Sigmund Freud's boudoir, as the Poet said. Think the aching and fussy decadence of Vienna with the mirth of Fellini. Two young men played music, one a trumpet and the other a guitar and then a saw. Yes, a saw. It sounded like a woman moaning and not in a good way. Who knew that scraping a bow through the tines of a blade could disturb the air? There were crows (stuffed) here and there. I do hate crows but laughed at one above my head. We shared a plate of meze -- tapenade and humuus on salty crisps. I had clams and chorizo in a spicy broth, sipped a glass of white wine and laughed.

It would seem that the zany atmosphere even changed what I looked like.

My Good Fortune

That's the view from my little tree-top apartment in Victoria, British Columbia and where I arrived last night and was escorted by the wonderful poet Heather McHugh. It would seem that my good fortune knows no bounds, as they say. The weather here is cloudy and I woke last night to the pitter patter of rain, but I slept naked (can I say that, here?) and woke to Canadian birdsong and green treetops. I've made myself coffee and two slices of toast. I've unpacked my suitcase and piled my books on the table beside the bed where I think I'll climb soon. Maybe later I will go for a walk, either to the right and see the town or to the left and see the ocean. Good fortune can come and go, has come and gone and come again.

Oh, Canada

So, I received a hilarious email from a reader today that I won't share here, but suffice it to say that it gave me an enormous laugh, and in lieu of a good-bye post as I leave for Canada** later this afternoon, I'll leave you with this song of Joni Mitchell's. To N who sent me the email, Joni is one part of the Holy Trinity that includes Bob Dylan and Van Morrison:















**I am going on a one-week respite trip, awarded to me through a grant from the organization caregifted.org. I am beyond grateful.

Respite: The Greatest News Ever

via travelwalls.net

If you cup your ear and lean toward the west, you will hear a big ruckus coming from California. If you lean a little further, you will hear some squeals of surprise and pleasure coming from the Southland. If you lean even further and perhaps nearly tip over your chair, you will hear my tiny yet inexhaustible voice nearly shouting with happiness.

You see, I just received word from Caregifted that I am going to Victoria, British Columbia for a seven-day all-expenses paid trip of rest and relaxation.

!!!!!

What more can I say? Heather McHugh, the esteemed poet who also received a MacArthur genius grant, founded Caregifted as a non-profit organization that aims to bring respite in the form of all-expense paid getaways to full-time life-long caregivers of severely disabled family members.

When I applied for the respite week and wrote about my life and history caring for Sophie, I told them that after nearly eighteen years,  a week-long respite specifically awarded for long-time caregivers seemed more like a dream than a reality.

Good grief. I'm near speechless.