Monday, March 23, 2020

We Can Do Hard Things, Monday 3/23/20

Fantastic Depiction of the Solar System, 19th century

I'm trying to remember what I wanted to write about today, but I just can't right now. I spent hours today doing virtual teaching, and I am beyond grateful for the precious children I teach and the wonderful folks who run the school and gave me this job. I took a walk through a largely deserted Los Angeles. Every person I passed gave me a wide berth. I love this city.

The POSPOTUS is going to gamble lives for the economy. "The cure is worse than the disease," he says. Meaning money lost is worse than suffering and death.

Everything, I know, is transactional in this culture.

My daughter's life is worth less than yours in the grand scheme of things. If she should get sick and need ventilation, she will be turned away if your "normal" child gets sick and needs ventilation. You know that, don't you? These are transactions that we must accustom ourselves to,


please, fill in the rest of that sentence. After the because.

A child injured or killed by a vaccine injury is a necessary sacrifice for the greater good. Children with disabilities shouldn't get funding for education because it takes away from those who are "normal." My taxes shouldn't go to a lazy ass person using food stamps to get by. If a person can't make it on minimum wage, he should get another job or another or another.

WE CANNOT LET THE CURE BE WORSE THAN THE PROBLEM ITSELF, the Master of Ceremonies said in the dumbed-down string of letters we call language now,

On another note, my ex and his lawyer continue to hound me. Now they want me to go through a job evaluation -- something that will assess my earning capacity and what the hell I've been doing with my time for the last five years. I'd cry but why bother? We're in a pandemic, and life as we've known it goes on. For some.

Being quarantined is a bit like hospital time. It's not really time but time passes. Those of you who've spent lots of time in hospitals might understand this weak attempt to describe it.

On my walk I thought about God and god and religion and those who have faith in plans and order. I thought about absurdity and randomness, about houses made of cards, about human fragility and frailty, about beauty and hope and pure, dumb luck.

I choose to be dogged with not so much hope or faith but a belief in things as they are in the moment and the experience that what comes next is utterly and completely unknown.


  1. I assuming your ex pays alimony, I have no idea, and no longer wants to pay, even though you take care of your daughter. I spit on his shadow, seems like an Italian thing to do, again, no idea:) It's early here.

    My husband was supposed to retire at 60 so I agreed to only take support for a short time, until he turned 60 at which point he decided to continue working until 65. It's a pilot thing. He screwed me out of a fair bit of support and I hope he's happy with his money because I'm happy with my hubby and dogs and grandson.

    You must be so worried about Sophie. I know she's had breathing problems in the past and you're right society does not value disabled people at all, they are a burden. My baby girl may be a hard gift but she is no burden. Neither is Sophie.

    Thinking of you often. Stay safe and healthy, Sophie too.

  2. If I know one thing about you it is that you will keep your daughter safe.
    I love you.

  3. Sending love to you. All I can do today is cry, it seems. Some days are like this, I guess. One day at a time. One day at a time.

  4. There is a lot to think about now, and so many unknowns. I love that artwork, for what it's worth. If there's one thing good about this COVID situation, it's that we're seeing more of you in blogland. :) (Maybe that's not due to COVID, but just concurrent with it?)

  5. I too am happy to see more of you here in blogland, but the circumstances are fk-ed. Yesterday I had this fleeting thought. If Mr. Ex and I showed up in the ER to be triaged, he’d get the respirator because he has little kids.

  6. Knowing full well that our gals will not make it past the triage into the actual hospital, we bought an oxygen concentrator and a couple of oximeters. If they get sick, at least we can try to give them some O2. Who knows? So far so good, though, no one sick here. May you be safe and sound.

  7. So, for your Ex and his Lawyer, your 'Job' of being a full time Caregiver of his and your Daughter isn't Work enough!!? Especially during a Pandemic and knowing how expendable anyone deemed not 'Normal' is when there's not enough resources to go around in our transactional Society! Without also harassing you to add to the stress and assessing what other Earning Potential you might be able to do while being a full time Caregiver to a Child that requires Extreme Parenting... I am appalled, and I'm so very Sorry Elizabeth. I have no delusions that both The Man and I are expendable during this Pandemic if Doctors have to choose... I'm not certain about my Grandchild, tho' Special Needs it isn't visually apparent so if we don't mention it, perhaps they wouldn't know and she could "Pass" for being Normal enough to receive Treatment... how Fucked Up is all of that... in these very dire times we all find ourselves in!



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