Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Washing Up

I woke up heavy-hearted this morning, for obvious reasons. Go for a walk, a dear friend said. What right have I to bear a heavy heart? I wish I were religious, I said.

It feels like drowning sometimes, the silent sinking in to what is otherwise calm and blue, a surface that belies depth and darkness.

While dressing Sophie for school, I gathered her up like a baby in my arms, her long body curled on my lap. She looked into my eyes for a moment and gave me a shore.







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22 comments:

  1. AnnDeOApril 28, 2015 at 9:13 AM

    Elizabeth, I love your writing -- it has helped me through a difficult time this past week. I know it is nothing compared to what makes your heart heavy, but I hear voice.

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  2. TaraApril 28, 2015 at 9:14 AM

    beautifully written. incredibly touching photo. i, too, sometimes wish i were religious. do you suppose it helps in these moments of doubt and despair? maybe...but your baby grounded you and that is lovely. when the walking through jello hits hard, i like to KISS: Keep it simple sweetheart. xo

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  3. karioApril 28, 2015 at 9:17 AM

    Sometimes I think that my heart gets heavy just to remind me it's there.

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  4. MaryLou ConnollyApril 28, 2015 at 9:21 AM

    I hear you. 💜

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  5. susan t. landryApril 28, 2015 at 10:25 AM

    your writing…always so lucid and beautiful, elizabeth.

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  6. 37paddingtonApril 28, 2015 at 10:34 AM

    Elizabeth, that photograph is just so moving to me. I cannot stop looking into it, your beautiful, incandescent children, the love and care and strength in Henry, the protectiveness of his sister, this comes from you, your example, your resolve to swim and swim until you can find the shore. You, dear friend, provide the shore too. I am sorry your heart is heavy this morning. But oh, look at your children. Holding you close, friend. xo

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  7. Laura S-SmithApril 28, 2015 at 12:15 PM

    yes! and yes I too wish I were religious. xo

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  8. TheresaApril 28, 2015 at 12:19 PM

    Sending love

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  9. Tanya Ward GoodmanApril 28, 2015 at 3:30 PM

    Love you so wildly.

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  10. Denise Emanuel ClemenApril 28, 2015 at 4:14 PM

    Hello, my dear friend, I'm thinking of you. Loving you and your family from afar.

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  11. Ms. MoonApril 28, 2015 at 4:21 PM

    That is one of the most beautiful pictures ever taken in this world.
    Your writing. You. Your children.
    We continue to swim. There is a shore.

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  12. My life so farApril 28, 2015 at 5:25 PM

    I've been blue as well. Another friend of mine died yesterday morning. I feel heavy and slow. I went for a walk this morning, enjoyed the birds and thought about how much my friend would have wanted those who loved her to enjoy the morning. It helped. A little.

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  13. Carrie Wilson LinkApril 28, 2015 at 5:56 PM

    Have you seen the old series, "Saving Grace?" I'm watching it on Netflix. Think you might like it.

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  14. livApril 28, 2015 at 7:11 PM

    A heavy heart sinks to your feet. Makes it so hard to walk. But it's one step at a time - that's what they say - that's what I tell myself. Take a step breathe take a step. Soon it will be time to cook dinner. Soon one of them will laugh and you will laugh with them. And tomorrow, E, you and I will take another step.

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  15. BirdieApril 28, 2015 at 8:24 PM

    You are not religious but you are one of the more Mindful people I know. I think knowing the hard times (and the good ones) are impermanent helps more than religion.

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  16. JoanneApril 28, 2015 at 11:12 PM

    I hear you Elizabeth. I am sorry. There is so much beyond this exquisite picture of your children.

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  17. Steve ReedApril 29, 2015 at 6:59 AM

    I agree with Birdie. You are mindful and conscientious, and you engage with the world. All things are temporary. And as Ms. Moon said, there is a shore.

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  18. plantingalongtheverge.comApril 29, 2015 at 8:05 AM

    Dearest Elizabeth, That photo, your words....I am slain.
    love,
    yo

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  19. Full Spectrum MamaApril 29, 2015 at 8:23 AM

    No words.
    Just -- thank you and love to you beauties.

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  20. FrancescaApril 29, 2015 at 11:33 PM

    sending love.

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