Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts
Saturday, November 12, 2016
Saturday Poetry
Since the election, I wake up every morning in dread.
Poem
I lived in the first century of world wars.
Most mornings I would be more or less
insane,
The newspapers would arrive with their
careless stories,
The news would pour out of various
devices
Interrupted by attempts to sell products
to the unseen.
I would call my friends on other devices;
They would be more or less mad for
similar reasons.
Slowly I would get to pen and paper,
Make my poems for others unseen and
unborn.
In the day I would be reminded of those
men and women,
Brave, setting up signals across vast
distances,
Considering a nameless way of living, of
almost unimagined values.
As the lights darkened, as the lights of
night brightened,
We would try to imagine them, try to find
each other,
To construct peace, to make love, to
reconcile
Waking with sleeping, ourselves with each
other,
Ourselves with ourselves. We would try by
any means
To reach the limits of ourselves, to reach
beyond ourselves,
To let go the means, to wake.
I lived in the first century of these wars.
Muriel Rukeyser
from The Speed of Darkness, 1968
posted on Poetry Foundation
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Complacencies of the Peignoir*
It's a bit gloomy today, both outside and in. A lot of us are feeling depressed or anxious or just plain Sunday-ness. I don't think there's anything to do about it other than let it be, let it roll on in and inevitably, out.
This silly city is primping for the awards ceremony tonight, and I don't think I can stomach it. I have a dear friend coming over, though, and perhaps if I print out those ballot forms and give them to the kids, I'll have girded my loins and will present a more good-humored face.
We live in an old chaos of the sun,
Or old dependency of day and night,
Or island solitude, unsponsored, free,
Of that wide water, inescapable.
Wallace Stevens, from Sunday Morning
*also a line from a favorite poem by Wallace Stevens. You can read it here.
*also a line from a favorite poem by Wallace Stevens. You can read it here.
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Drought
In case you hadn't heard, California is in a very big drought. We're letting our grass go brown and dead because it's really almost sinful to continue to water it. Even with water restrictions in place, the sight of glossy green lawns makes my stomach turn, and I'm trying not to be moralistic about it. I think about it all day long, to tell you the truth, the drought and the brown lawn and maybe what I'll plant there or do to that space when my ship comes in -- or runs aground, I should say. Despite the drought, I took a shower today that was on the long side and very hot. I was hoping that it might help my cough. I know people don't believe in global warming, still, but maybe they will wake up when all the fruits and vegetables and nuts and grains that California provides to the world wither and dry up, too.
And speaking of heads up nether regions, there's a drought going on here in blog world, too, at least at this blog. I just don't have much to say. I dragged myself to a movie last night with Oliver, my friend and her son, but it was a very stupid football movie. I actually love a good football movie, even though I hate football, but this one was just dumb and sad all around. I can't even remember the name of it -- something about standing tall and proud? Football and the military -- two things that I just don't have the love gene for, I think.
Or maybe I'm just depressed, and if I pulled my own head out of the proverbial nether regions, I'd have felt moved by the story of how football orders some kids' lives who would otherwise have nothing. Like Eeyore, though, my thoughts run more to the doleful, thinking that those kids are just pawns in a massive and gross money/education/bullshit machine that makes me despair.
A drought of the spirit.
Jeez. This is an unbalanced post, isn't it? How about a poem?
Take Love for Granted
Assume it's in the kitchen,
under the couch, high
in the pine tree out back,
behind the paint cans
in the garage. Don't try
proving your love
is bigger than the Grand
Canyon, the Milky Way,
the urban sprawl of L.A.
Take it for granted. Take it
out with the garbage. Bring
it in with the takeout. Take
it for a walk with the dog.
Wake it every day, say,
"Good morning." Then
make the coffee. Warm
the cups. Don't expect much
of the day. Be glad when
you make it back to bed.
Be glad he threw out that
box of old hats. Be glad
she leaves her shoes
in the hall. Snow will
come. Spring will show up.
Summer will be humid.
The leaves will fall
in the fall. That's more
than you need. We can
love anybody, even
everybody. But you
can love the silence,
sighing and saying to
yourself, "That' s her."
"That's him." Then to
each other, "I know!
Let's go out for breakfast!"
Jack Ridl
via The Writer's Almanac
Friday, August 29, 2014
Marie Ange
I was just riffling through a small box, looking for the business card of The Foot Doctor, whose name I can never remember, so that I can make an appointment for Henry, whose big toe appears to be acting up again, not responding to the Epsom salt soaks. Anyhoo. I was riffling through the cards and pulled out the above photo that I haven't seen in years, sent to me by my old friend Mary Angel (or Marie Ange, as we said in our bad French accents). I'm still a tad sick, as is Sophie, and I'm feeling all whimpery, edgy, like the end of the world is coming and it's all centered around me. Do you know that feeling? I keep reading people's gratitude lists and keep staving off the sinking feeling that --what? Just a sinking feeling, I guess. A sinking feeling that has nothing to do with anything in particular. I could chalk it up to the virus I'm fighting -- these sorts of viruses attack the central nervous system, I think, and push me into mild depression. I guess. I'm not really sure of anything, to tell you the truth, other than that I have a sore throat and a vague feeling of dread and weirdness. Mary Angel is one funny lady, and we shared many laughs during the four years we were in school together, many at the expense of the evangelicals that surrounded us in family, friends and atmosphere. There was no mockery, though, just amusement and solidarity. I guess. She took that photo many years after college, though, when we hadn't seen each other for a long, long time, and while I don't remember where I was when she sent it to me or what I was feeling, I must have thought it funny enough to save and stash away. Today, though, I felt buoyed up when I pulled it out of that stack of cards, buoyed up and out of myself and into laughter. Pierced. Saved. I know.
Thank you, Marie Ange. Body piercing did indeed save my life, at least for today.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Helping Hands Needed
A reader sent me a lovely email about this blog and about the community that has grown up around it. She is a mother of two children, one a young girl with Down Syndrome and the other a teenager with significant and crippling anxiety and depression. I asked her permission to post her question here, because I just have a feeling that someone out there reading might be able to help her. If you can answer, please leave a comment or email me your contact information. If you yourself write about these issues, please let us know! My email is elsophieATgmailDOTcom.
Do you know of any blogs written by moms, or dads, of teens with major depression/anxiety? I've been looking for a really insightful one, with really good writing.
Thank you so much.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
This'll Crack the Christmas Blues Out of You and Up
Crushing Christmas: How to Win Every Argument
Shut down your relatives' political chit-chat with patent, confusing nonsense.
“Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.”
Soon, many of us will head into the cozy crucible that is the extended family Christmas dinner. There will be side-hugs, nuts with the shells on, starchy dishes, small talk, and then (sure as spring turns to summer turns to glowing autumn), it’s time for Opinions on Issues of the Day and also Life Choices You Are Making.
Perhaps in the past, you’ve imagined that facts and well-reasoned arguments would work. Maybe diplomatic re-routing was the way to go. Keeping the same not-smile smile on your face, nodding quickly and answering with one word. How did these stratagems work out for you?
No more. This year, you stop bringing a pleasant, reasonable knife to a gunfight. This year, your responses will completely derail any conversation in progress. This year, your dinner table blather will leave everyone feeling quiet, unsettled, and somehow reminded of that time at summer camp when an allergic kid got stung by a bee and then died.
If you're not jolly, yet, you need to go have some Milk Punch or a shot of bourbon on the rocks.
Labels:
blues,
Christmas,
Depression,
politics,
relatives
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Idle Thought of the Evening to Cheer You Up
If that old photo of me on the board with that cute man riding the waves doesn't cheer you up, then maybe this idle thought that I just had as I lay on Sophie's bed in her room will. I know everyone is feeling incredibly glum. Nervous, Anxious. Nauseous. Filled with anger. Overflowing with lassitude. A deep sense of futility.
I'll remind you, though, of that time Bush won the presidential election the second time.
Remember that? Remember that morning, especially those of you in Los Angeles who walked into the preschool parking lot with me and had to look at the folks who'd been sporting big Ws on their Range Rovers?
Remember how you felt?
Do you feel worse now or better?
I'm feeling so much better that I hauled my old doddering ass off of Sophie's bed, scanned that old photo of myself on the surfboard with the cute man riding the waves and typed out this post.
Come on! Don't you feel a bit better?
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Saturday Keyword Analysis
Every now and then it's fun to see what keywords people use to land on my blog. The page that always gets the most hits is titled "Big Guns." I have a vintage photo of a man holding an enormous gun at the top of the post, (see above) but the post itself is about starting Sophie on a new seizure medication. The folks searching for Big Guns are nearly all American. Either they're weirdos, like me, or they're weirdo gun-lovers.
Today, my favorite keywords were:
depressed lady laying in a bed looking at wallpaper
The tone of the blog, of late, is pretty
D
O
W
N
so down that I appear to be attracting people looking for supine women -- Kate Chopin style. Wasn't there a short story about a woman going slowly mad in a room looking at her wallpaper?
Anyhoo, as some people say.
Saturday has dawned gray and sort of chilly, but that's not getting me down. I'm going for a walk with the dog and anyone else who wants to come along. I have a party to go to tonight with all my closest friends. I have you, Reader, and all your sweet words of concern, jokes and wise advice.
Thank you for that.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
No Sh@%!, Sherlock!
In my most recent newsletter from the terrific website epilepsy.com, I read about a study of mothers and their children with epilepsy. Here's the excerpt, and while I need to find the whole study and read it, I can't help but think no shit, Sherlock. What do we do about it, though?
In the August 2011 issue of Epilepsy Research, Doctors Akay and colleagues from the Dokuz Eylul University School of Medicine in Izmir, Turkey present an interesting analysis addressing caretakers of children with epilepsy. Much attention has been paid to the quality of life to the individual with epilepsy, but oftentimes it is unclear what impact the diagnosis of epilepsy can have on those who care for these individuals. In the study conducted out of the department of pediatric neurology, 50 children with epilepsy and their mothers agreed to join the study. These individuals were compared to a control group recruited from a local school near the same university hospital. The study assessed what impact from an emotional standpoint does the diagnosis of epilepsy have on mothers with children with epilepsy as based on their performance on a Beck Depression Inventory, State-Trait Anxiety Inventory, Parental Attitude Research Instrument, and Family Assessment Device.
The investigators reported that mothers whose children had epilepsy scored higher with depression and anxiety compared to mothers of the control group. The authors concluded that for mothers of children who have epilepsy, the epilepsy may have an adverse impact on the caretakers’ lives as demonstrated by the higher propensity towards anxiety and depression.
This study is a fascinating one due to the fact it highlights that epilepsy did not just affect the one individual with seizures, but seems to permeate through the entire social support structure for any given patient. The study is another reminder that in managing individuals with seizures we need to give due consideration to the caretaker’s family members who are also involved in their care so as to make sure that we improve their quality of life as well as the individual with seizures.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
I know it's not simple,
but I'm wishing today that California Governor Jerry Brown hadn't vetoed adult day healthcare legislation. It sounds to me that once again, the elderly, the poor and the disabled are getting the shaft with only a weak argument from the old liberal himself.
Shame on you, Governor Brown.
Honestly? Can we keep the elderly and the disabled out of the budget? Or are we headed toward Depression times when the old, the infirm and the destitute were left in the streets to starve or perhaps caged in filthy, abusive institutions?
Shame on anyone who thinks the infirm and the disabled have to make sacrifices for our greater good.
For Robert Williams, 51, that combination of services has been invaluable. He moved across the country to care for his 81-year-old sister, Shirley, when Nolcox’s center alerted him that her memory had deteriorated to the point where she should not be living alone.
"She loves going to the daycare center," he said. "She has camaraderie, they keep her active, they exercise.... It gives her a reason to get up every day."
It took Williams nine months to find a job with a security company. Now he’s afraid he might have to quit if he can’t find another program for her.
"My sister is just one of thousands of people who need these services," he said. "And for them to be taken away is really a grave injustice.
Read the rest of the article HERE.
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