I've had some doozy days in my life, particularly during the last decade or so, and today wasn't really so much a doozy of a day as it was just one of those you can't make that shit up kind of days. I feel like the only way to do it justice would be to write it stream of conscious style because that's the way my brain thinks and fingers write when I've had a day like today and I feel compelled to tell it. So here goes --
I woke up this morning knowing that I had to get all three kids ready for school and get them ready quick because today was the day that The Husband was actually going to take time away from The Mistress and see Sophie's new school, meet the teacher and the aide but more importantly witness the labyrinthine school itself and where we would be dropping The Girl off and picking The Girl up for the next let's say seven years because kids can stay in these community-based instruction classes in the high school until they turn twenty-two, a number that sort of strikes fear in my heart because really how do we keep going for seven more years and Sophie at twenty-two is just not imaginable but I won't think about that because it's too much. The boys ate their breakfasts while I made the lunches and The Husband finally pulled himself out of bed and fed Sophie who isn't used to getting up early so that was hard and then he ushered Oliver out the door and into his car because he was going to drop Oliver off first and then meet me at the high school and Henry was sitting in the living room playing with the Wii (that I hate) and waiting for his carpool because this year we have three children in three different sites and they all start at approximately the same time and while Oliver was running out the door the new dog -- did I tell you that we're babysitting a friend's dog for the week with the intent to perhaps adopt the dog and add it to our crazy mix of people and poodle and seizures and stuff? And the dog ran out into the street, it's a Tibetan terrier named Sat Nam and The Husband over-reacted, like usual, and screamed that the dog is dumb and why the hell did we have a second dog and even though he was right I still felt irritated because he was overreacting and Oliver had already caught the dog and hauled it back into the house and then was gone and out the door and Henry left too when the carpool honked and I told him to get off that thing right now and go but I love you and have a nice day! And then I went in and dressed Sophie and dragged her sleepy self to the car and loaded it up with the stroller and her various boxes and bags and all the stuff that we need to transfer to the new school. Michael met me at the gate, chomping at the bit because The Mistress is always waiting, always in need of him and there's never enough time (or money) and I realized that I had forgotten the number of the aide who was supposed to meet us at the very locked gate and so we were standing outside for quite a bit and I felt like banging my head on the gate and just being done with it but I had to not over-react like The Husband so I did what I do best which is re-act and I acted calm and logical and figured out how to call inside the fortress and soon someone came to help us and all was well there. The Husband left for the Mistress and I left to go home and let the extra dog out and bring the regular dog to the dog groomer for a bath in an attempt to get rid of the godforsaken fleas that are, apparently, resistant to all the flea medication that I'm thinking is just tiny drops of water that I'm carefully putting on the dog's shoulder blades like some kind of white bourgeois asshole. So the dog I'm babysitting, named Sat Nam, goes outside in the yard and I run off with the other dog and drop her at the groomers and then I race to Pasadena because I'm in a radio show, yes, a radio show where I'm sitting in a room, a real live radio show room with the headset on and the enormous microphone in front of my mouth and I get to hear myself talk and talk and answer questions and you know I love it, it's fun because no one can see me and we're talking about the epilepsy walk which is a mighty good cause and the other woman who is doing it with me is gorgeous and cool and has a little son who has terrible seizures and when we're done we talk and talk in the parking lot because when you meet a person who has a child with seizures well, there's the world and then there's us and then I was late, so late, to go and pick up my three children in three different schools and I'm in Pasadena and I never know where I'm going when I'm in Pasadena so I get on the wrong highway and I'm just plain late but I finally get everyone and two extra boys and we go home and when we arrive the dog is gone he is not in the backyard the dog who we are supposed to be watching and perhaps adopting although I've already decided that hell, no, we're not adopting another dog even if the boys are already yearning for him but he's gone anyway and I have no idea how or why although there is a huge hole in the screen door that leads to my bedroom so the dog was evidently frantic trying to get in and the bits of screen are shredded and spread over the yard so clearly the dog was upset and I do feel bad but I also feel like there's nothing I can do, even though Oliver is sitting out on the front stoop crying about the dog and I tell him that someone nice probably picked him up and he has a collar with a name and a number so it'll probably work out and later it did, it did work out but not before Oliver had to go to soccer practice and I went and picked up another little boy from his afterschool program because he has a single mom and she has to work so I drive the boys downtown to soccer practice and she picks them up and brings them home and on the way home from dropping them off, I stopped at the grocery store to pick up some groceries and someone, some stranger called and had the dog, had Sat Nam and there was no way that I could go get him at that point because the babysitter had to leave and it was already past seven o'clock and that's when I thought you really can't make this shit up -- the way that days go and I am just plain over-extended, taking care of dogs and boys and other people's boys and girls with seizures and being on radio shows and buying milk and dealing with The Husband and the Mistress. You just can't make this shit up.
