Monday, January 6, 2014

Dirt dominates the picture, but there's orange on the horizon



Have you or your children ever gotten lice? No, we don't have lice (praise Jesus!), but this plumbing SIT U AH CEE UN has taken over my brain in much the same way as lice did about eight years ago when Henry, Oliver and I acquired it. Prior to the infestation, I turned my nose up at the hysteria of other mothers who were "going through" lice situations at their households. There was all the washing and the bathing and the combing, and then, worst of all, the running off to the fancy de-louse businesses that began to crop up in the early years of the third millenium. I confess to looking down on these dramatics, convinced that lice was small potatoes, compared to -- well -- seizures, for instance.

You know what happened next, right?

There must be a proverb that addresses the woman who rolls her eyes at others' misfortune, then experiences the misfortune and runs pell-mell toward the Hair Fairies, spends nearly $1,000 on de-lousing efforts -- on a credit card --  and talks about it incessantly for approximately one month, even at holiday cocktail parties. Reader, do any of you know of such a proverb?

Anyhoo.

The Plumbing Troubles have taken over my life, my brain in much the same way. I might have dismissed a neighbors' chatter about the very same situation, nodded sympathetically while thinking god, how boring, how utterly bourgeois, you think YOU have problems. I know for sure that I've walked around for a half century never taking stock or truly comprehending what goes into the building of a house in a city, much less the amount of dirt that must be removed from the planet and piled in one's backyard and on the side of the house in pyramids before reaching eroding pipes. I've watched the shirts on the backs of the workers in my yard bloom sweat stains with every thrust of the pick-axe, knowing that all I can do is think and how lame and ineffectual thinking really is compared to back-breaking labor. I've felt a teensy bit embarrassed that my sons roll out of bed about five hours into the digging. Sometimes I fantasize about throwing myself or The Husband into the trench. What if someone forgets that there are no stairs at the side door in the laundry room, they open the door and step out and fall down, down down? I think at 5:00 in the morning. I stand at my back door, snap photos of the dirt pile and realize the useless tangerine tree behind the dirt is in riotous harvest-ready form with what must be thousands of tiny sour, seedy orange fruit. Damn, why can't that be a money tree? I curse. I really can't think or talk about anything else, to tell you the truth -- am effectively using the Plumbing SIT U AH CEE UN to ignore everything else that I should be thinking about or doing.

Reader, what's going on in your parts?



12 comments:

Deana said...

Plenty of sit u ah cee uns here too...but choosing to pick at them one at a time. In the meantime, ready for school to get back into session tomorrow.

Claire said...

Snow day here...after the holidays. Go figure...

As for head lice. One of my gals got'em years ago...olive oil combed through the hair, shower cap on for 8 hours, wash it all out. Problem gone. Hair shiny and silky. CHEAP and safe.

Jill said...

Just a bunch of cold weather here. Coldest air in 18 years. blah blah blah. I find it hard to think of other things besides my cold toes, so I get where you are at with this post.

37paddington said...

This too will pass? Probably not helpful.

Verna Wilder said...

I woke this morning, pulled my iPhone into bed with me to check my email, didn't see my link to your blog, and panicked: oh no! what's wrong? is Elizabeth still sick? are the boys ok? has something wonderful/awful happened to Sophie and E. can't stand to write about it? None of the above. So for some reason I am no longer getting your links through my email and I'll re-up so I hear the latest, even if the latest sounds like yesterday only with more dirt and a deeper trench. Wishing you cupcakes today. And love.

Ms. Moon said...

We absolutely have no idea what others are going through until we go through the same. It's just a fact of life. Sympathy is easy as hell. Empathy is hard-earned.
And who knew there was that much dirt in your entire yard? Well, this is a learning experience for sure and one I'm certain you would gladly have foregone if possible.

lily cedar said...

Nothing exciting in my parts, snow, off and on, cold and then warm and then cold again. Snow piled up in huge piles alongside the roads. Fights with loved ones and ultimatums issued. Sigh.


It is amazing how much goes into our homes that we don't know, can't see and don't always understand. It will end, just doesn't seem like when you're up to your ass in alligators:)

Denise Emanuel Clemen said...

Hahahaha. Well, I realize you're not laughing, but you made me laugh for some weird reason. I think it was the bit about the proverb and the lice talk at cocktail parties. God knows I'd be a bore at a cocktail party right now. Because all I would talk about would be the addled mother and the lung cancer-ed boyfriend which is way more of an odd-(emphasis on first syllable)yssey that I can possibly talk about in these parts. I'd love to get falling down drunk with you and talk about your SIT U AH CEE ON--AND mine.

Eric said...

After Liam's NICU stay and before his first PICU stay we had 13 (what should have been) wonderful days at home with our baby boy. After a sewage flooded basement, six of those days were spent outside with my dad digging up the pipes of the home Karin and I had just moved into and replacing the root filled corroded iron pipes and laying in PVC sewage drains. It was a pretty stressful week to say the least. I feel your pain and hope you are enjoying your new plumbing soon.

Steve Reed said...

If I got lice I would shave my head. Even if I didn't already shave my head. But I guess you can't really do that with children, can you? Social services would descend.

KrisT said...

I read that last line as, "Reader, what's going on in your pants?" Which I found a delightfully bold way to end a blog entry :)

Leslie said...

Well, right now I'm chuckling at this post. (I'm sorry, I know it's a horrible "SIT U A CEE UN," but you are a very funny writer.) I'm also chuckling a KrisT's comment ;)

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