Sending the treasure to hunt for it

Notice the lump with the pinecone, a slice of bread, and a leaf on it, the two boys standing over it. The lump is me, lying on my bed under blankets, not able to keep warm, feeling sick for the second day. Sophie must be coming down with something as well because she had one, two, three giant seizures this morning. I'd say good times, but that expression has grown so tired. The objects reverently laid on top of me, the lump under the blankets, were objects listed on a piece of paper with the title Treasure Hunt. In a moment of genius, when The Brothers had begun to drive me over the edge with their squabbling, I made the list and told them that I'd pay them $20 to get each item and each item needed to be acquired outside of our house.

$20 EACH? The Big O inquired.

I sighed and said no. 

$20 and a metal detector? he came back.

I sighed and said yes.

Here's the list:

1. A straw from a restaurant
2. A photo of a cat
3. A leaf from a tree
4. Something heart-shaped
5. A piece of cement
6. A coin
7. A slice of bread
8. A pinecone
9. Something sparkly
10. A Christmas-related item
11. A yellow candle
12. A recording of a dog barking
13. A picture of a neighbor

They left and I congratulated myself on my cleverness, let the lump lie.





They returned, literally, about ten minutes later with every freaking object checked off. Now I'm a lump on  a bed under blankets with twenty less dollars and whatever it costs to buy a metal detector.