Wednesday, March 4, 2020

After My Sabbatical: Tiny Tidbits About My Last Job



I have not actually been on a sabbatical, although I wish that I had and I wish that I could return to somewhere, anywhere back to reading and writing and otherwise not taking part being part of this period in the world's general history, the triumph and toppling of materialism and stupidity the emperor with no clothes the professional sports world the cult of celebrity the impossibility of publishing the tyranny of the politically correct and most of all the rise of Bernie. I just do not feel the bern the burn the whatever it is you who do do. My younger sister worked as an intern for Bernie back in the last century or should I say millennium and every time I see the Bern or Bernie I think of what she heard every day for the duration of her internship and that was Jennifah! Get me a tuna on rye!

I was, am a Warren lover, and I don't understand why an energetic intelligent woman with many plans, a woman who's fought successfully against The Man the bankers the corrupt the plutocracy and has a history of sensitivity for the disabled for children for special education is losing has lost to two elderly men one who's nearly doddering who sat and railed against Anita Hill back in the day, his day when he should have done better and the other who screams more than talks who has visions and no realistic plans who had a heart attack quite recently and whose followers are legion but include easily IMHO as the kids say the same sort of dense folks who back the naked emperor in chief just from the other side of the proverbial coin. And if they're not those followers, the bros or whatever they're called, I suspect they're following him because it's cool to like someone so uncool.

I will very much support the Bern the Burn if he is the person who runs against the Piece of Shit.

I've thought about things to write in this space, ways to communicate and what to tell you, dear Reader and I come up short. I bought a green bra and panties the other day, the most lovely color green. I flew to Atlanta to visit my mother and my father, had a wonderful time hanging with them, realizing that I am so incredibly blessed to have parents who are truly parents. We don't see eye to eye on politics (they're best left unsaid) and their views are such that I've felt near despair over the last four years, especially, but somehow it didn't feel that way this visit and I'm not going to wonder why.

Buried deep within this post is a tidbit. A tiny tidbit. On one of my last days at the ultra-Orthodox Jewish girls' school where I worked (see previous post), there was some talk in the teachers' lounge about Trump, and Mitt Romney had just voted "Yes" to impeach the PieceofShitPresidentoftheDisunitedStates and I never, never, never talked about my politics in this place because there's no good in talking politics when Israel is part of the equation but I said I just didn't understand how anyone could support That Man and someone else said, "He loves Israel," and so I stood up and said, "I can't be involved in any conversation that supports That Man," and I walked out and into the office and sat down to do a little grading while I steamed. The thing is, Reader, at this school I was prevented from teaching anything that had anything that was suggestive of romance. I mean things like longing gazes in a Willa Cather's Song of the Lark. I mean suicide in Marilyn Robinson's transcendent Housekeeping. I mean the word hell in an article from The New York Times. I mean Nathaniel Hawthorne's rich allegorical short story Rappaccini's Daughter because it mentions The Garden of Evil. When I referenced the great Spanish architect Gaudi in a poem we were studying by a contemporary deaf poet named Raymond Antrobus and asked the students if they'd ever been to Barcelona and they said yes and I asked whether they'd seen the amazing cathedral and one girl said, What's a cathedral? and because I'd been teaching there for a year and a half, I knew there was a distinct possibility that a seventeen year old girl might not even know what a cathedral was, I told her. Then I was told We are not allowed to go into cathedrals, and I said, Oh. And this was later confirmed by one of the Powers That Be and still I said Oh when what I was thinking was that we are all screwed here in this world. Back to the office where I sat sweating and biting my sharp, sharp tongue that so desperately wanted, was trying with all its half-century honed might to scream:

You protect your daughters from reading Nathaniel Hawthorne and Willa Cather but support the Pussy-Grabber-In-Chief?

Reader, it's a good thing that I am no longer working at this school. I learned a lot there -- about intolerance, to tell you the truth, and about its masks. Given these girls' behavior in general -- which was, frankly, closer developmentally to those who've just entered adolescence than those leaving it for marriage and babies -- I can only surmise that their rituals, their blind belief system and oppressive rules and regulations regarding every single thing they wear, eat and do make them uniquely unable to live in the world, much less listen to their silly, old lefty progressive English teacher, Elizabeth Aquino.

Did I mention how stressful it was dealing with this school and these girls and the idea that there are legions of people out there preventing 17 and 18 year old females from reading Virginia Woolf's A Room of One's Own because it would just open the floodgates (one of the teachers actually said this to me) yet supporting a serial sexual assaulter and vile racist misogynist because he's been so good to Israel? Did I tell you about the Cup-o-Noodles girl last year? The sad thing is that I was so into my job last year.

Jennifah, get me a tuna on rye!



#VoteBlueNoMatterWho


25 comments:

  1. I am so sad to read this blog. I am upset because I worked with you at the school. The epitome of intolerance is not even trying to understand the position of another. The reason people hate others is because they refuse to understand their position. They believe their way is the only way. Maybe just a thought the issue you had in your last job is the attitude that you portray on this blog. Many of us are just trying to earn a living and we try to understand others. We are where we are in this country because we have stopped trying to understand each other's positions. I can listen to you and try to understand your position while maintaining my own opinions. I can respect your position while not agreeing with it. If you ask me, I would prefer to raise a daughter with a great self esteem and respect for herself then one that treats herself like an apple that everyone licks.

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    1. Anonymous: I'm sorry that you're sad to read this blog. While I appreciate your response and agree with your statement that "the epitome of intolerance is not even trying to understand the position of another," your inference that I am intolerant makes me raise my eyebrows and want to not defend myself but, rather, claim it. I AM intolerant -- of racism, misogyny and oppression. Your last line makes me raise my eyebrow as well. It is age-old -- as a former Catholic, I learned it as the madonna/whore complex. I'm intolerant of that, too. For the record, I respect your "position," have tried "to understand your position" (worked with you happily "while maintaining my own opinions"). I was very much an outsider at your school, though, and I was treated like one -- sometimes in an insulting way -- by many, many of the students.

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    2. Understanding requires examination, requires the willingness to listen and explore and sit with discomfort. If the school you work in doesn't even allow the students to explore ideas that might be different so that they can make choices for themselves that are rooted in a full understanding, it is doing them a disservice. If you prefer to protect your children from words and art that are provocative - of thought, of expression - then you are quashing true understanding. Children have respect for themselves when they are taught to recognize their own abilities and values within the context of the larger world and freely choose to live their own values. But if you expect them to live YOUR values and don't allow them opportunities to form their own ideas about the world, you are stunting them for your own personal sense of safety. You are being ruled by fear. Which explains why you might support the administration currently in the White House. And your support for that administration because they seem to support Israel is a privileged position because what it means is that you're turning your back on people with disabilities, people with black and brown skin, women and transgender people, and children. I hope you can at least acknowledge that.

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  2. Part 2:
    Society creeps into all aspects of the orthodox world. It is a constant struggle to raise kids that respect themselves, stay out of the devices that ruin their bodies, and believe in something that is bigger than themselves. Yes there are adolescences at the school that are pushing boundaries but isn't that normal? I was in the teacher's lounge when President Trump was mentioned. President Trump has done so many things that have been amazing for all ethnic groups here in the US as well as abroad. Is it such a travesty not to recognize someone for the good things they have done. President Trump has done amazing things for Israel. A list I could provide but realize that might only inflame you. You see in Judaism we teach tolerance for others and to always recognize the good in others. The one thing about this country that I love is that I can practice my Judaism without being escorted to a gas chamber, shot in a pogrom, or nailed to a cross. Yes there are those that hate Jews and yes some do shoot at Jews in their place of worship but the number of people who support the message of Love not Hate is much greater. This is why I love this country. My family came from the socialist country of Lithuanian, we could not speak out or have freedom of choice. We hid in a cellar to study Torah, we kept our opinion on politics to ourselves, and we prayed that we did not go to a hospital where the care was sub-par. Before you choose to eliminate our current freedoms for socialism maybe try living in one of the countries that promote this life style. The division between social classes is worse in socialist countries then here in the US. You may not like our President but he is the president of the United States which makes him your president too. I did not like the last president because rights for women (I personally experienced this one by working for the last administration.) were set way back, Israel was treated very poorly, four Americans were killed over incompetence in Benghazi (I have personal experience in this one.), and death to many american soldiers in Afghanistan for not was experienced. Just food for thought, Elizabeth Warren is a millionaire herself. She made her money from gas and oil royalties. Seems like maybe research might be a good thing before you negatively comment on a president that was elected by the people for the people. We are all humans on this earth, we can choose to get along and love each other for our differences. Yes I wear a long skirt and a long sleeve shirt and save my body for that special someone but to me that is more beautiful then displaying my body for everyone like that apple that was licked by everyone. To me an apple is more appetizing when I pick it and only i lick it. We are all special people with different perspectives is one right over another? I think it is just a personal decision. I prefer to encourage young women to respect their bodies and marry a wonderful guy, have children and find ways to make the world a better place than wear a tank top showing my chest to every guy that walks by, be treated like a piece a meat and not seen for mind, and think that its all about me so why make the world a better place it does benefit me! I hope that this post will make you think before you post. Those of us that enjoyed a friendship with you would appreciate if you would post positive comments that promote a tolerance for differences. Wishing you a life that is full of peace and love!

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    1. Dear anonymous, you have printed above all the usual Trump supporter nonsense, and nonsense it is. You have also boiled down all women to being either sluts or virtuous, based on the clothing they wear. You may be covered head to toe but your moral sense is askew.

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    2. Comparing women to "apples that have been licked" is DISGUSTING. And giving a pass to a president that has been married 3 times, cheated on all of his wives, paid off a porn star, and married a "model" who was really a soft porn model/escort just boggles the mind.

      Elizabeth, no wonder you left that job, if these are the kind us of people you had to deal with. Ugh!

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    3. "Society creeps into all aspects of the orthodox world. It is a constant struggle to raise kids that respect themselves, stay out of the devices that ruin their bodies, and believe in something that is bigger than themselves." As a mother of three now grown children, I couldn't agree more. It's impossible to control the trajectory of our own lives and even less so for others, and that control includes our own children -- I have deep admiration for your culture's reverence for family but that admiration extends toward anyone, really, who raises children with love. The rest of your apology for Trump doesn't sway me from believing him to be one of the most vile human beings this country has produced. I don't imagine he truly cares for anyone or anything and that would include Israel or the deserved special recognition that the Jewish people have historically received by this country. I maintain that he's a vile piece of shit who has done more to destroy democratic norms than any president in history. Your other comments about socialism are appreciated, but I'm not worried about our country "going socialist." I'm worried about maintaining health care for my severely disabled daughter, about my ability to pay for her medications without going bankrupt, about being able to afford health insurance for her (all problems that were alleviated with the ACA and all problems that will arise if Trump and his supporters have their way), about the ability of my friends who are Muslim to travel freely and be as free from persecution as you are, about women's rights to control their bodies, rights that are consistently eroded even as I type, about the grotesque and ever-growing disparities in income in this country and about the destruction of the planet and humans' rapacious march of "progress" and overpopulation. There's also the racism -- Trump's alliance with and apologies for white supremacists -- and his disdain for the disabled. My partner is African-American and my daughter is severely disabled, so I have a bit of "experience." Benghazi? Please. (I have some personal knowledge of this as well. We should compare). Your apple analogy is interesting. As a woman, I don't think of myself as an apple to be picked or not. As the bard said, "clothes do not make the man." I learned a lot about tolerance and reverence and ritual and beauty at your school and have posted about these attributes. I also learned about intolerance and hypocrisy, blinders and willful ignorance. I'll post about these as well.

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  3. I am in the same place as you about Warren and about Sanders (I'll also vote for him in Nov if he gets the nomination, and feel like vomiting when I do). And I don't understand thinking floodgates will open and I think it's sad sad sad. And the comment above sad too. Why all of this apple licking?

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  4. All this talk of licking apples is giving me the vapors.

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    1. I keep thinking of shiny CANDY ones and how long it's been since I've licked and then bit into one. That satisfying snap and then the flood of sweetness.

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  5. "Anonymous" explains a lot about the mentality of the "herd" supporting the POSPOTUS.

    Best,
    Bonnie

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  6. After canvassing and volunteering for Elizabeth Warren this year, I can't tell you how disappointed I am in the election results. She is truly the most qualified of the entire bunch. So our choice will be two 78-year old white men, neither of whom I am excited about. I will vote blue no matter what, but I will die a little when I fill in that circle, especially if it's for Biden. This was going to be the year we all survived the last three for. All excitement for a change is gone. As for anonymous, my heart broke a little reading her nonsense (crap) above. I can't help but feel we are doomed.

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  7. I am always flummoxed by the excuses people give themselves for supporting that vile misogynistic whiny predator in chief. Perhaps there will be another classroom in your future more suited to your gifts. Those girls were lucky to have you for as long as they did. And the impossibility of publishing? Oh God, I hear you. It seems publishers only want books by already famous people these days, and aren’t willing to sponsor writers who write for love and high purpose and so the world is robbed of their art and insight, and its an awful conundrum because most writers cannot afford to make their art when they must also make a living. People ask me all the time if I’m writing my own work, and I tell them, I can’t afford to write my own work, I need to be pay bills, so I write other peoples work, and really it could be much worse, but it could be so much better, too. Also, how is Elizabeth Warren not doing better?? I have a fertile imagination for conspiracies at the best of time, which these aren’t, so now I’m wondering, are her votes being technologically suppressed? It just doesn’t make sense.

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  8. Wow! You know, I spend an inordinate amount of time listening to podcasts, reading books, and watching documentaries about fundamentalist religions and they ALL share this bizarre view of women as being apples or pieces of gum or whatever to only be licked, chewed, ingested, enjoyed, USED, by "that special someone" i.e. their lawfully wedded husbands and although I have myself been in a monogamous relationship for over thirty-five years, this just offends me so much. Women are not objects. How about teaching that? As to the defense of DT, this, too, seems to be prevalent in members of fundamentalist religions. Somehow they can get past his obvious gross immorality, idiocy, and vileness by honing in on one of his tiny (false) pieces of bullshit such as being anti-abortion or a supporter of Israel. This says far more about those who support him than it does about him. Which is truly the most soul-crushing part of this whole fucked-up equation.
    I could say more but what's the point? By the time the poor girls you were teaching have reached the adult portion of their lives they have been so thoroughly brainwashed that nothing can change their minds or their hearts. Well, actually, that's not true. Some people who were raised in very strict religions do, amazingly, think their way out of them but it's incredibly difficult. I truly admire those who manage it. And I admire you for keeping your integrity and leaving that job.

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  9. Also the comments by anonymous make me deeply sad, and also nauseous. These are beliefs that can only be held by ones who refuse to apply analysis to what is right in front of them. Obviously, this person feels she/he has nothing to fear from a white supremacist president, and she has no earthly concern for those who do.

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  10. Wow! Like you, I am tolerant of the beliefs of others but I couldn't work to continue ignorance either. Women are more than mothers and uteruses, we are people first. I also don't agree with accepting bad behavior so that you can get something you want. tRump is a racist, deeply ignorant, misogynist person. He is also a pathological liar which means he is not credibility and should never be trusted by anyone. But that's just my opinion.

    It's good that you're not at the school anymore but sad that there are schools like that in this day and age, that work to control women's minds and bodies still.

    As for politics, it seems to me that all the politicians are too damned old. Move aside and make room for a younger generation.

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  11. OK, first of all, Elizabeth, I agree with literally every single word you've written in your post. I feel the same way about Biden and Bernie and the same bewilderment at Warren's poor showing. Why is the USA so wedded to electing old white guys? It's as if that's what voters consider "presidential," even if every single other aspect of their behavior is anything but. (Trump)

    Obviously I don't know the ins and outs of your job beyond what you and your commenters have written, but I truly don't understand why anyone would prohibit kids from entering a cathedral, if only to appreciate it as a work of art and a cultural masterpiece. And I can't imagine anyone who would object to teaching Willa Cather or Virginia Woolf. That, my friends, is extremism.

    As for the apple-licking, I'm probably not the best person to weigh in, being male, but doesn't that phrase reduce women to mere objects who have no agency in determining their own behavior? If you're an apple, you're just a thing. Women are not apples.

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  12. I have been glued to this post and its comments. I'm bewildered by our political life, on all levels, and gobsmacked that there are schools like the one you taught in. What a strange and weird way to raise young women in the twenty-first century. As always, I am beyond baffled by people's defense of this POSPOTUS, especially people who proclaim their love and allegiance to a "god." I thank you for putting down these words; I have been waiting for the cliff hanger! Your responses to anonymous were nuanced and precise. You held your ground while acknowledging some areas of agreement. Not sure I would have the patience for that, so, well done.

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  13. The justification for supporting 45 always mystifies me... I listen and try to understand the logic of it, but I just can't. No... the field of narrow candidates left to run against him is on the other side of the coin, not idyllic... yet, like you, I'll vote for whoever is NOT him this time around. There were some candidates I had a lot of Hope might succeed... but they didn't... and so it is... and I can see why working at that School, while not being OF them, would be difficult to embrace... the insulated 'world' of their Daughters in the name of Religion being very foreign to anyone not raised that way... which many Organized Religions are like that, especially the most Fundamentalist ones.

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  14. I only just read all of the comments other Readers had written... and I wholeheartedly agree with Steve's comment... that if you're an Apple, youre just a Thing... Women are NOT Apples... and that comparison to a Thing is Offensive!

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  15. Sounds like it was a really difficult job.It also feels line virtue signaling, everyone piling on in horror at the school. And the person whose mind might have been changed, the teacher who commented here, it won't be by the mocking and virtue signaling and we are better than she will ever be in the comments. Studies actual peer reviewed studies have shown that does not work.It drives people deeper.Seems she reached out perhaps misguidedly. But honestly I find themself righteousness of the other commenters almost equally exhausting. If you are born into a fundamentalist religion and drilled in its ideas since birth, it is impossible almost to see outside of it.I don't understand what you expected from an Orthodox Jewish school. I would expect the kind of thinking you describe. I suggest avoiding fundy Christian schools as well or fundy anything.i like your writing a lot and your advocacy and podcast. You are smart and well read and it shows. The holier than thou thing though not so much. And commenters piling on.

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    1. Thanks for your thoughts, Anonymous. I confess to feeling a tad bit of "agita" when people use the term "virtue-signalling." It's one of those expressions that I think people use to silence people or as an insult when you (not YOU, personally) don't want to engage with an issue. As for the community on this blog -- they're a fierce lot for sure! Responding otherwise to your comments, I'd say that it wasn't a difficult job at all. It was an annoying job, and it became stressful only because of the number of students who were incredibly bratty, rude and disrespectful outnumbered the kind, thoughtful ones, and I wasn't paid enough to justify the many hours I put into preparing lesson plans and teaching them. Teaching isn't exactly remunerative, though, but I sure do love it. I also hate wearing stockings and shirts that touch my neck. I have another job teaching students who, despite serious mental health and other disabilities, really love to learn, so it made sense to leave the girls' school and devote more time to the other job. I appreciate your advice to avoid teaching in any "fundy" Christian schools as well -- I'd look on any teaching job as an opportunity, to tell you the truth, to learn more about another culture. I have no desire to do it with "fundy" Christians, though, as I'm very well-acquainted with them. Thanks again, for your comments, although I sure wish you'd unmask yourself. It's hard to really engage with someone who's Anonymous.

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    2. Anonymous the second: I rarely comment here. I read your comment carefully and thought about it. There is definitely a fierce community here so if one is going to be controversial...that is go completely against the grain of this very blog, its author and and the entirety of its values...one must be prepared to accept the consequences. There is also something about those who choose to post anonymously AND do the above; it smacks of cowardice or it's trolling. Poke the bear and run away, have plausible deniability. It just doesn't fly. Finally, and specifically with reference to the first anonymous: my original comment was long and nuanced, with links to supporting facts gleaned from reputable internet sources. And then I remembered that staunch Trump supporters care nothing for facts, or details, or nuances or other perspectives. There was no possibility of changing that particular mind. Perhaps my final choice in response was not kind, but it is accurate. And I for one made the decision some time ago with this POSPOTUS and his minions that I would not be one to stand quietly on the sidelines and let this sort of disinformation stand uncontested. I will not be a part of this. I will call it out. If one STILL supports Trump at this stage, one is willfully blind and/or of his ilk: anti-Semitic, anti-women, anti-people of color, anti-democracy. I know many who feel as I do and have taken the same position. This is not the time to be nice.

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  16. I never gave very much thought about the clothing I see Orthodox women wearing, other than wondering if they weren't miserably hot in our Midwest summers, while they may have been thinking that I was like an apple wanting to be licked as I wore my short sleeved blouse. Goofy. I never would have thought of that. The clothing difference isn't important to me at all. But how in the world can Orthodox Jewish people have such respect for and support for this President? I do care about that, and absolutely can't stand it. How can they feel this way about the creature in the White House who imprisons children and adults in horrible concrete and chain link fenced cages. Have they completely forgotten Hitler's concentration camps. Surely not. It just seems impossible that they could support the idea that this could continue for 4 more years if the current creature in the White House is re-elected. How can they just ignore this?

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    1. Susie you mirrored what I was thinking about how could it be supported, especially by any Culture that has endured a History of persecution and inhumane treatment? MY DIL survived the Killing Fields of Cambodia and thinks 45 is very much like the Pol Pot Regime in how the Rule of Law became obsolete, allowing a Lawless Ruthless Despot to eventually commit mass murder against the most Educated and those standing in his way! Also, the strange attraction a great many Fundamentalist Religious people have for this vile, corrupt, prejudiced and sexually predatory President is particularly shocking to me! The response I typically get when I ask Why is that the rabid Supporters seem to feel he's good for THEM... so I suppose that if he's bad for anyone else NOT THEM, then they justify it somehow??? I cannot respect what he represents, which isn't Godly by any measure, nor Humane and not just self-serving. The parallels to how he came into Power with how Hitler came into Power is frightening... and how masses were manipulated by a Madman with a Messiah Complex has been documented thru the Ages. Exploitation of people's Fears and Social struggles by those with insidious Agendas who divide, stir up Emotions, find Scapegoats to vent against... is nothing new. If History is not heeded, it will often repeat itself by those imitating and emulating past atrocities and greedy for absolute Power, which absolutely corrupts!

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