It's popular today to let go of your story, or to stop your story or to rewrite your story. Yoga teachers, self-helpers, mindfulness people -- everyone, it seems, believes that our stories can hold us back from whatever our true purpose or intentions might be.
I've always felt uncomfortable with this, perhaps because I've woven a dense one. A thick story that I'm living by, a web that I've woven, sticky and strong, full of flies. Do I have to tell a different one? Is it holding me captive?
The poet Mark Nepo wrote that sharing our stories -- even over and over -- as they continue to press upon our hearts -- is sort of like chanting a mantra whose truth is, finally, released. His take on story is quite different in that it is by repetition that we find release.
I'm mulling these things as I tell my story -- here and elsewhere. The story that you know and the story that you don't know and won't know. I'm the spider and the fly.
Perfection.
ReplyDeleteI read that this morning, too. Only you know your story- and only you know when you have finished telling it...don't let anyone else dictate that to you. XO
ReplyDeleteWow, this leads to much thoughtfulness during these particular Jewish holidays.
ReplyDeleteMy story is who I am
ReplyDeleteI can not change it
Every day I see it's length, it's depth
The light the darkness the colors
I hold it to my breast
fragile and fierce
I chant my story
I chant my story
I chant my story
Beautiful!
DeleteI agree with the poet. I need to tell my story over and over again to help me make sense of it, to help me fold it up and make it manageable.
ReplyDeleteYes, me too.
DeleteIf I let go of my story, I fear I'll lose or forget the hardships that made me who I am. I stop my story, it's just denying that history. If I rewrite it, it's just not right. I assume by "rewriting" it, it means that we study it, try to make sense of it, forgive our transgressors, take what we have learned, and try to make the best of it all. OH! I forgot, I have good stuff in my story too! Most days I think my brain is too full or frazzled to take it all in and make sense of it, so I just try to live...
ReplyDeleteI just love your comments -- they're always so thoughtful and provocative.
DeleteI think letting go makes sense when someone's past is holding them back or preventing them from moving on. But there are varying degrees to which we can let go, right? Every moment is new, but we are who we are coming into that moment.
ReplyDeleteYes. That last sentence is exactly what I'm thinking!
DeleteI'm reading Brene Brown's latest book right now (slowly, very slowly, and taking copious notes) and I love how she talks about story. In fact, her research is all based on stories, as opposed to hard, cold, evidential facts, and she talks about what a struggle it was to get people to see it as 'real science.' One of my favorite quotes so far is when she writes, "I believe the most useful knowledge about human behavior is based on people's lived experiences." She also cited neuroeconomist (is that a thing?!) Paul Zak as saying that "hearing a story...causes our brains to release cortisol and oxytocin. These chemicals trigger...our abilities to connect, empathize, and make meaning." Cool. I think that means that not only should you hold on to your story, but you should endeavor to share it as widely as possible in order to help us all connect, empathize, and find some meaning. In my view, so long as we are cognizant of the fact that these stories are OUR truth, and that they are not keeping us in a place that is dysfunctional or uncomfortable, we can use them for good. And you certainly do that.
ReplyDeleteYou, too, always write amazing comments that expand and interpret in such startling and original ways.
DeleteThis post is really interesting to me. Super thought provoking.
ReplyDeleteExpound!
DeleteI'm going to be chewing on this all day...
ReplyDeleteAnd what are you thinking?
DeleteI don't know how we can rewrite our story, what is, is. What I do believe is that we, or I, can reinterpret it. By telling it over and over, until I cannot bear to tell it, start to finish, again. it become possible to see events in a new light. Time is on our side. I would have no idea what to leave out, as opposed to thinking, once upon a time, exactly what I would change. No other path could have led me here. I think there is too much hurry in too much of the world, self-help and mindfulness included. Perhaps our stories hold us back, or more likely they hold us in place until we are ready for whatever is next. Such a delicate balance between seeing ourselves as self-victimizing or allowing life to unfold at its pace. You always present so much to ponder. Nuance, a notion and word not in common usage. xo
ReplyDelete"Perhaps our stories hold us back, or more likely they hold us in place until we are ready for whatever is next. " I love that.
Delete"Perhaps our stories hold us back, or more likely they hold us in place until we are ready for whatever is next. " I love that.
DeleteA big hug for you. Really, people just tell us any old thing. Not buying it much. xo
DeleteOh this is good. I always hit a bump in the road with some of the mindfulness teachers when they say to let go of our stories. I've always wondered if those folks see the concept of "story" as something different than my own idea of story. We all have a story. No, we all have a multitude of stories. How could I find my way through life if I had to continually drop my story? Stories light my path. Sometimes I wonder if they mean "fixation" or something like that. I don't want to relive a sense of victimhood. So if that's what someone means by letting go of our stories, okay. If I've been through the wringer, any wringer, I have to look at that and even tell that story before I can move along. If I've had a beautiful experience, I want to see the present moment in its light, if it's relevant to the present moment. I do tend to agree with the poet. I understand something like revising my stories. As I've grown older, a new ambiance flows into my stories. The angle I use to look at a story may change. Does that change the story? Maybe, sometimes. I move through life on stories. I don't see a conflict between gently holding our stories, retelling them, even revising them. If I let one go, it's not because it's a principle to do that - it's because it flows away from me and it's okay. I move through life with my stories and with other people's stories, too. Stories are my daily bread in a way. Why would I want to eliminate that? Thank you, Elizabeth. I love how you cut right to the heart of the matter. I'm so glad you wrote this. Kathy rainshadowfarm@wordpress
ReplyDeleteTrue stories are truth.
ReplyDeleteOnce, a long, long time ago. I read something in one of the Don Juan books about letting go of the past. I took it to heart and threw out boxes of letters between my mother, my sister and myself. threw them in a dumpster on the highway near my house. That was so wrong. It turned out that I was the story/history keeper in my family and old letters are one way to understand and remember that history. Would like to go back to that dumpster and get all those letters out and fit them into their place in my story, my mother's story and my sister's story.
ReplyDelete