Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Rules for Caregiving Post "Wisdom"* Teeth Surgery

  1. Wake to the sound of a seizure at 5 am, a guttural moan and rattling, and run/hobble to patient's bedroom to assess situation
  2. Administer large dose of CBD and CBDa via new protocol
  3. Think who lives like this? while making sure patient is comfortable. Question pertains both to patient and caregiver
  4. Turn on light (essential rule for those who struggle with psychosis in early morning hours)
  5. Drop essential oil Frankincense into palms of hands, cup patient's nose for several seconds, caregiver's nose and then massage patient's feet
  6. Recite secular prayers and pretend to administer Reiki
  7. Note that second seizure does not happen, a small improvement from previous days
  8. Change diaper and notice that hydration might be necessary
  9. Worry and wonder 
  10. Contemplate whether hydration might be necessary in hospital as patient slept most of previous day, having been drugged into oblivion because of too many seizures
  11. Think who lives like this? as pertaining to patient. Curse wisdom teeth, so ridiculously named.
  12. Text friend from East Coast who emphasizes importance of hydration.
  13. Contemplate which hospital to take patient to for hydration, drawing upon 23 years of experience in caregiving
  14. Contemplate waking College Boy or Brother to drive patient and caregiver to hospital
  15. Contemplate the various pros and cons of hospital admittance
  16. Read text from friend: Take her in
  17. Continue contemplation of big city hospitals, private insurance and who takes MediCal as secondary
  18. Curse the American health care system to ward off financial fears
  19. Retrieve large syringe used to administer pharmaceuticals, bottle of cold Pedialyte from fridge and towel
  20. Sit at patient's bedside and carefully syringe 5 ml of liquid into patient's mouth until 8 oz is down the hatch.
  21. Help patient to cough up mucous with newly purchased $369 portable home suction machine
  22. Think who lives like this? pertaining to both patient and caregiver throughout home hydration
  23.  Lie next to patient and gradually realize that patient is not seizing like she had in previous days, has drunk an appropriate amount of electrolyte-balanced liquid and is resting peacefully
  24. Rest peacefully next to patient while College Boy and Brother sleep unaware of caregiver and patient drama on other side of wall
  25. Rise from patient's bed at 7:00 am, make coffee for caregiver and oatmeal for patient to hopefully eat later. Sip coffee and contemplate the universe
  26. Bring patient 8:00 medication and coax another 8 oz of liquid into patient's mouth. 
  27. Note, again, that no seizures have occurred
  28. Think who lives like this? while planning a trip down to Santa Ana to visit a dispensary that has a good stock of CBDa. It's called Fiddlers Greens.

This has been a Public Service Announcement.

* The "wisdom" teeth are so-called because one is presumably wiser when they appear in late childhood, early adulthood. I call bullshit.


  1. #6....same.

    I hope Sophie is able to hydrate better today. Do you ever give her coconut water? We have switched to using that for Max instead of pedialyte because it seems to do the trick quicker.

  2. "...pretend to administer Reiki."
    Oh, Elizabeth. From the depths of the depths you pull up the sharpest and most colorful of words for us.
    May the seizures continue to abate.

  3. Love to you, brave one. Love to your girl.

  4. *contemplates visit to pretend Reiki practitioner*

    I do so hope the lessening continues. I hope today is better than yesterday, and tomorrow better again.

  5. "Who lives like this?", indeed.

  6. I call bullshit too. Love to you and Sophie.

  7. That's an exhausting list... nobody should have to live like this!

  8. I hate this list, I hate that you have to do this, I hate that you need to write this down.
    You all deserve a life way way way beyond this.

  9. I am always amazed at how you do it: convey to us the shittiness of the situation but with humor.
    I'm so glad Sophie is emerging from this ordeal and without hospitalization, thanks to your superb caregiving.
    Meant to respond to the identity of the anasthesiologist: Wow!
    As well as to that poem, The Thing Is: i loved it; every word spoke to me.

  10. The shitshow is well named. Hugs.

  11. You did the right thing by keeping Sophie out of the hospital. Every admittance was a setback for my kid.

  12. What agony trying to assess whether or not to take her to the hospital. Especially when she is resting peacefully. So much shit can/does happen at hospitals. Good job on hydrating her and keeping your shit together.

  13. You are right to call bullshit, on so many counts.

  14. I know what I know because of you. You’ve taken me and my heart right along with you in the time soothing and treating Sophie to thoughts of waking the brothers, to reaching out to friends and letting your Tiny Mother Mind’s intuition to act. You are one fierce woman and mom. In that way, Sophie is lucky.

  15. Some days — many days — there are no words but yours. “Sending love” seems ridiculously insufficient, but it’s all I have.



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