Showing posts with label Audrey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Audrey. Show all posts

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Sunday Thoughts



We must become intimate with anger to clear the way to our connectiveness, to our vulnerability and an aliveness to everything. In the end, our anger is transmuted to wisdom, which in turn gives rise to compassion.
from Holding Anger, by Jules Shuzen Harris, Sensei in Tricycle Magazine


Last night I spoke on the phone for hours with my oldest friend, Audrey, who lost her husband on New Year's Day of a terrible neuro-degenerative disease, supra-nuclear palsy. We laughed together -- a lot -- even as we talked about overwhelmingly sad things, and I was struck by our long connection to one another, how comfortable it was to lie on my bed and listen to her familiar voice tell me stories, the story of her husband, his illness, his final days, her children's remarkable compassion, her own strength and ability to recognize her failings, the extraordinary love she carries and projects.  It's these things that tie me to the world.

I read Timothy Kudo's  beautiful Op-Ed piece How We Learned to Kill  and felt the sour taste of anger rise like bile in my throat, the absurdity of all of it.

I read the above quoted article about anger this morning and wondered where I was on the journey referenced -- intimacy -- connectiveness -- vulnerability -- aliveness -- wisdom -- compassion. Perhaps, like grief, these things come and they go, get mixed up with laughter, a sense of absurdity, even desperation, and then grounding.



Friday, January 2, 2015

Thinking of Jeff Golub and Light

photo by incomparable Jenni Werndorf



In the saddest of news, one of my oldest friends from childhood, Audrey, lost her husband, the great jazz guitarist Jeff Golub, on New Year's morning. He had been suffering from a rare and incurable neurodegenerative disease, and he and Audrey had chosen to forego life-prolonging treatment, so his passing was peaceful. But damn, I'm so sad for Audrey, for their two young sons, for all of us to have lost this dear, warm and talented man so soon. Audrey is one of the strongest women I know, and I hate being so far away from her at this time. It's weird to go about the day -- like everything's all normal -- holding this inside. I swallow the lump in my throat, think bewildered thoughts, send love to Audrey. I don't know about anything sometimes. Life.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Birthday Number 51

My first birthday
August 27, 1964


Good lord. Evidently my love of cake began at an early age. Look how young my parents were, how adorable! That was fifty years ago!

I guess there was another party which meant more cake for me:


Doesn't Sophie sort of resemble my darling mother in that photo?

Oh, here I am eating cake on my sweet sixteenth birthday with one of my oldest friends, Audrey.  She lives in New York City but usually calls me a day or so after to wish me happy birthday. We've made a ritual out of that, and I would never want her to call me on the actual day. I'll pick up the phone and she'll say, Happy Birthday! and I'll say It was the 27th! and she'll say I thought it was the 29th! and then she'll tell me that the only reason I remember her birthday is because she was born on the exact day that my parents were married, which was in October of 1962, ten months and several weeks BEFORE I was born, my mother is quick to remind me. You know, just in case I thought less of her. In any case, this silly ritual has amused Audrey and me for decades.



Sometime this week I'll probably eat cake with my other oldest friend, Moye, and we'll laugh together and I'll realize how much I love her and am grateful for our long friendship. Later today, I'll eat cake with my children, open presents from my sisters and my parents, be grateful for a body that is strong and healthy, and a  life that is blessed with beautiful children, family and friends.

I hope to live another fifty years on this wonderful planet, particularly if I morph into my southern Italian peasant grandmother and live in Bora Bora in one of those huts over the cerulean sea.

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