A woman who reads my personal blog regularly recently sent me a long email when I posted a comment at her blog. In the email she expressed the dismay that she often felt when reading my posts, especially the ones that describe the daily life of raising a child with severe disabilities. She described her feelings as ones of inadequacy. She said that she felt ashamed to complain about her own life, her own healthy children, when clearly her "problems" were insignificant compared to my own. As the mother of three children, two of whom are "typical" and one whose life is complicated by uncontrolled epilepsy and developmental disabilities, I hear this sort of thing all the time. In fact, I know that even my best friends and family hold back on expressing their concerns and anxieties, believing that these are trivial in comparison to the struggles I face.
Read more over at LA Moms Blog.
It's true, how we see our lives affects how we feel and how we cope. And we all need connection.
ReplyDeleteI've been trying to retrain myself into optimism. That long ago bout with cancer jogged me into expecting the worst from events instead of seeing equally possible good alternatives.
I'm happier when I'm at peace with where I am.
What an interesting topic Elizabeth, I'm heading over to LA moms, but first let me tell you that I LOVE that photo!
ReplyDeleteoh..you know i am right beside you...be it pure joy, catching a breeze in a lay low hammock,or wondering if you have the strength for one more over the top moment of this rich and impossibly challenging life.
ReplyDeletei
am
with
you.
(the pearl of wisdom is for you..and sophie, your mermaid.
xoxoxoxo,
rebecca)
It is about perspective, isn't it Elizabeth?
ReplyDeleteThanks for your wonderful photo to illustrate the point.
Sometimes the greater the strains the more able we are to deal with life's difficulties. You'd know the story of the princess and the pea? even under a pile of mattresses the delicate princess could still feel that pea.
It helps to be hardier.
I'm not adbvocating stoicism but I think perspective is important. It's not just a case of what's dished up to us in life - for good or ill - it's how we deal with it.
I too shall visit LaMoms. Thanks.
you are right.
ReplyDeleteI think the closest I've come lately to this is in regards to grief . The idea of how or what to say to someone who has lost a child or spouse. I recently gushed about how someone was so blessed and lucky compared to me, and then remembered and felt so horrid.
And then realized they knew I felt bad.. and it was awkward. Because does that define everything before and after?
and that photo is fabulous.
Everybody faces a different kind of Hell that attacks the tranquility of their everyday lives. While some people can apparently have it 'worse' than me or 'better' than me, one of the things I have learned in all of this is that each person's circumstances are unique and usually defy comparison.
ReplyDeleteI'm making no sense at all, but your amazing ability to voice your thoughts is intimidating as all get out.
Back to lurking... :)
Similar experience here. Then, I have the flip of that... where I feel like Im complaining about my "stuff" then I go over to your blog or Claires or Single Dad Disabled Daughter's and I feel like an idiot. Im going over now to read your post on LA moms blog... i havent posted on NJ MOMS blog for like...2 months? I think i might have to quit before they "fire" me :)
ReplyDelete:)
"someone" has conceded...she "feels" the wisdom of sophie is destined to be yours!
ReplyDeleteshe is sensitive, si?!
so i have emailed her your link..so she can see for herself how true her intuition is!
I'm so glad you addressed this topic, and you did it so eloquently. I bopped over to LA Moms and left a comment there, too -- the last line of your post there really opened my eyes. Thank you.
ReplyDelete