Friday, March 10, 2017

Dragon Prayer

I'm really slacking off here on the old a moon, worn as if it had been a shell.  I don't even know where to start. Do I even need to start or start back? Sophie turned 22 years old on the 8th, and there was a bit of celebrating,

but Sophie isn't doing so well.

I had a mini nervous breakdown this week, too, which involved some early morning throwing of the Virgin Mary Oracle and other desperate drama, and that was partly because the Republif*^ks are dismantling our healthcare and partly because I went into the wormhole of Trying to Figure Things Out and have decided that Sophie is suffering from benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome.  Strangely -- or not --  figuring something out (meaning your intuition is confirmed/affirmed backed by research and science) means an incredible release from fear into calm. The two reasons for my mini nervous breakdown are intricately entwined and can be summed up in three words: Medical Industrial Complex. Normally, I'd explicate, but the rant would be epic and, to tell you the truth, I don't feel like wasting my anger on the screen, and I'm better now, calmer. I'm also too busy fighting with CVS drugstore and Anthem Blue Shield to switch the benzo from tablet to liquid so that I can begin the process of weaning again (I can take away tinier amounts if it's liquid). I think the struggle is similar to Ben Carson going from neurosurgery to housing and development, all while comparing slavery to immigration -- oh, Bless his Neurosurgeon heart. 

You're going to need a pre-auth because this is a narcotic, the earnest pharmacist told me for, perhaps, the five millionth time since Sophie has been on this drug for nine years (the drug should apparently not be taken for more than a few weeks but, hey, let's give it to babies with epilepsy!) I'm also administering a new protocol of THC to help mitigate the horrendous effects of the syndrome and gathering information from the wonderful Dr. Bonni and from my friends in the know because The People in Charge don't know jacksh*^t about marijuana. Speaking of those in the know, the Ass Hole Care Act (AHCA) as proposed by the Chief AH Eddie Munster will be devastating to those with disabilities in particular and not much better for everyone else. It'll be awesome for insurance companies, though, and medical device manufacturers and, I guess, for those yokels out there who think the government has been coming between them and their doctor with the Affordable Care Act (yokels, insurance companies call the shots, not the government but hey, big business, free markets, the glories of unfettered capitalism!)

Oops. I said I wasn't going to rant.

Maybe I should quote a little Jesus.

Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth. (Matthew 5:5)

Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. (Matthew 25:45)

Bikkhu Boddhi says,  "if we are to close the gap between ideal and actuality—between the envisaged aim of striving and the lived experience of our everyday lives—it is necessary for us to pay greater heed to the task of repetition. "

I think of myself at present as a dragon coming out of a cave. There's vision and hope in the fire coming out of my mouth, and there's also my tail, its scales the glitter of the past, replicated over and over. The blast of fire. Drag. Swish.


  1. As a commenter on my blog said today "Ryan only cares if you're rich."

  2. The dragon and the mermaid are a powerful combination. And you guys know how to do party balloons! :) <3

  3. Well, the meek may inherit the earth eventually but right now, the completely insane and heartless seem to be in control. Yes. Time to bring the dragons back out. Do we remember how to spit fire? Do we?
    I know you do. Of that I have no doubt.

  4. That is my favourite scripture from the Bible. I repeated it over and over to my kids when they were growing up. I told them that I didn't care about grades or sports and all I wanted them to learn and practice that scripture.

  5. I'm here, listening. Trying to figure out the next move. That benzo withdrawal sounds awful. Poor dear Sophie, having to go through that. And you, you suffer it too. I wish. I wish.

  6. I'm so sorry to hear about Sophie. I hope you can get the liquid soon. You are so right on about the Medical Industrial Complex. It's beyond me why the average person cannot see what Ryan and gang are doing while couching their devastating plan in words like "access" and "patient-centered care". Bull shit. But hey---it's Mr. Atlas Shrugged-survival of the fittest-the disdainer of a collective "we". God help us all. Oh---I'm glad you're calmer and I love the dragon.

  7. Go dragon go. I get your rant and reckon it could only be more fiery in the circumstances.

  8. Might be worth establishing a relationship with a compounding pharmacy where people are proactive, engaged allies instead of downtrodden CVS employees who just get in your way. Sophie looks lovely in that picture.

  9. I think of Sophie all the time and I can't help seeing a mermaid in my mind when I do.

    But you, Rooooaaaaarrrr !!

  10. Good god, Elizabeth. I don't know what to say. In lieu of words, sending love to you and Sophie.

  11. I am sorry for Sophie's withdrawal. You are right as always and if I were to rant, my head would explode. Sending you and Sophie hugs instead.

  12. Happy Birthday to Sophie! (C. turns 22 in one month). I haven't celebrated the occasion for many years - I imagine there's no need to explain why.

    I hope the weaning passes as quickly as possible. I know that relief you feel when you can at least pinpoint the cause of deterioration.

    And yes, you are definitely a dragon. The great kind.

    Btw, how much THC do you give Sophie daily? You once sent me the # of drops but do you know the concentration of THC it has?

  13. Mother Dragons breathing Fire are hard to Ignore and marginalize... unleash your Dragon, I've found that an epic rant does wonders when I'm having my mini breakdowns Advocating for Loved Ones who Need Fire breathing Mama Dragons on the rampage! Happy Birthday to Sophie and I do Hope she will be doing better again soon... Big Virtual Hugs to you both... Dawn... The Bohemian

  14. A couple of years ago there was that whole "Dragon Mother" craze. Well, you're the kind of dragon mother the world really needs!

  15. Happy birthday to your darling daughter! We need dragons these days. Fire included. :-)

    Greetings from London.



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