Thursday, May 16, 2019


Chimera by Gustave Moreau

I'm not sure what it means to be resilient, but when I emerge into light it has seemingly been without effort and I'm hard put to explain why, exactly, I feel better and why, exactly, things were so hard. The word grace. 

I had a dream the other night (oh no, please no) that I was sitting on a toilet and shit, crap, you know (I have a hard time writing the words) kept coming out of me. It just kept coming. If that's too much information (TMI) for you to stomach (no pun intended), it wasn't in real life. There's something about the body, about bodily functions, or there's something about the body (!) that's difficult to express. When I write about the body, from my body, I am claiming it. How extraordinary that words lie in the tips of the fingers tapped out on the screen.

There's something about the body, bodily functions. There are those who would control my body (and yours) and those who have controlled your body (and ours). 

I've had people ask me whether I would have had an abortion if I'd known Sophie would develop seizures and have developmental disabilities.


I've learned to live with questions (the question).


The Chimera from Greek mythology was part serpent, part lion and part goat. Chimerism is the mixing of cells from genetically distinct individuals.

 Microchimerism is the persistent presence of a few genetically distinct cells in an organism. This was first noticed in humans many years ago when cells containing the male "Y" chromosome were found circulating in the blood of women after pregnancy. (Scientific American)

Some males (and females) will grow up to be men who wish to control our (female) bodies.

Micro-chimeric cells are not only found circulating in the blood, they are also embedded in the brain. I've carried and grown three beings in my body. They live in me, still.

A thing that is hoped or wished for, but in fact is illusory and impossible to achieve (chimera)


  1. I absolutely hate dreams wherein strange and uncontrollable things happen to my body. Or with my body. Or in my body.
    And they seem so visceral. So real. Not a chimera in any way.
    It is way too real to imagine my body being controlled by another.
    Because that has happened.
    It is the worst.
    Or, at least I think.
    But I don't know everything.

  2. The thing that most enraged me about the new abortion bans is that their drafter care not one iota about human life or they would have done something about guns long ago. It’s all just about power and politics. Even my pro life relative thinks what’s happening is appalling. I cannot imagine our world without gentle Sophie. Yes, you are the definition of resilience, the embodiment of grace.

  3. It is disgusting that women's rights are being trampled. And there are no unwanted pregnancies without the participation of men and yet they are not mentioned at all.

  4. We've endured those questions as well... we've also learned to live with them. I couldn't imagine this World without any of our Children and Grandchildren, regardless of Disability, since that is not all that they are! Humans are too multi-layered for any one thing to define us as individuals or the Worth of a precious Soul! Whether Pro-Life or not, I don't think most Women feel comfortable having another person, who is not Invested in our Lives or the situation, presuming to make the most important of Life decisions for us and forcing us into compliance by taking away Choice. It's all too complex to create Blanket Policies for anyway and think that solves anything at all! I agree that you are indeed the definition of resilience and the embodiment of Grace.



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