"Your 2018 health plan information is coming" and it's MAGA!

So, I got a missive from Anthem Blue Shield last week that I opened with a sinking feeling. Those of you who know that despite living in the land of "the world's greatest healthcare system," having individual insurance is a clusterfuck of gargantuan proportions. This has nothing to do with the Affordable Care Act, other than its concessions to private health insurance companies. That's a whole other post, and you know where I stand, anyway. #singlepayerforall

No communication from Blue Shield is met with anything but dread, despite their polite and even cheerful marketing efforts.

Here's the latest:

First of all, "Here are a few things you can do now to get ready" ?????!!!!!

Here's how I'd rewrite the three suggestions and then add a fourth:

1. Be on the lookout for two separate mailings: one with your 2018 plan information and one with your 2018 rates. Make sure you review all the information but only after going FIRST to your freezer, pulling out the frozen vodka and taking a couple of shots. This is particularly important for the envelope regarding your new rate. 
2. Visit our friendly website and take notice of its new look -- all the models are preternaturally beautiful and multi-racial. In fact, they are actual customers of ours, particularly pliant conservative Americans who've bought into the notion that medicine is a business and that we're in the best position to dictate how the whole shebang is run. They're so snowed that we killed them off with their permission and replaced them with look-alike robots. In lieu of increased rates, you'll see that you, too, will be given an option to be killed instead and replaced by a beautiful person in any race you choose. Think about it! After all, the stress of the increased rates might kill you anyway, so why not be preserved in service of other good Americans who "don't want the gov'ment messing with my healthcare!"
3. Mark your calendar with these important dates! October 2017: Start drinking a lot of frozen vodka. November 2017: Open enrollment begins! Remember the option of being replaced by a smiling cyborg as opposed to having your rate increased! December 2017: Get ready for the coming year's continued clusterfuck at increased prices if you choose to stay with us. January 2018: You're either dead from the stress of your rate increase and the knowledge that you'll be fighting tooth and nail for every single claim or are on your way to eternal life, via Trump's Department of Health and Human Services where you'll spend a little time with those members of congress who continue to seek the repeal and replacement of the ACA. You thought they were real? They're dead, also, and will show you what it takes to become soul-less.
4. Start stockpiling that rectal valium because you're going to need to have rectal valium parties where you charge the party-goers in order to pay for your health insurance. You'll need it as well if you decide to go the cyborg route because it hurts like hell to become a conservative and start ripping people off, lying and prevaricating about what you're actually doing. But be heartened by the end result: you'll be dead, re-fashioned and making America great again.

WOKE AF and What the Neurologist Says

Today was our quarterly visit with The Neurologist.  This is generally something I prepare for by downing three Bloody Marys and a chaser of frozen vodka (see the other 4,321,896 posts I've written on the subject. They generally begin with a photo of the waiting room wall with the CONQUER and TRIUMPH sign over the list of wealthy donors), but I'm not going to complain today because -- you know -- I'm grateful.

We've got health insurance (for now) and The Neurologist is very helpful as far as getting those pesky pre-authorizations that Anthem demands every month for the drug that Sophie has been on for EIGHT YEARS. When the Fresh-faced Pharmacist of the Month rings me up at the CVS, he inevitably asks me do you realize how expensive this medication is? And I say I do but tell me again how much it costs. And the young man says, Today it's $435. And I say that should be covered by insurance. And he says, Well, it needs a pre-authorization. And I say, Again?We've been getting this medication for eight years! And he says, It's a controlled substance, ma'am. And I say, Yes, I know that but I'm trying to grift the system here and keep the drug wars going by having benzo parties with all my friends. And he says, May I see your ID? Reader, I'll leave it up to you to discern which of those were alternative facts and which were the real thing, but I have digressed from my point that The Neurologist always helps me with The System and for that I am exceedingly grateful.

I'm also not going to complain about today's visit with The Neurologist because Sophie has been seizure free for more than three weeks. Yes. We have found the sweet spot, I guess, at least for now. I figure I can cover any jinxes by readily acknowledging that we might have a downturn at any moment. Downturns and rebounds are equal opportunity dictators.

I posted this picture of Sophie on Facebook this afternoon, and my feed literally exploded. Everyone is, of course, thrilled that Sophie is doing so well and many asked why? Here's why, I think, at least for now: Sophie was overmedicated on Onfi (the benzo that needs the pre-authorization) and the CBD. We know that CBD can jack up levels of Onfi, so when Dr. Bonni (Sophie's cannabis doctor who recently published a great book all about cannabis medicine that you can order on Amazon) suggested we decrease either the Onfi or the CBD to see if she responded, I naturally chose to decrease the Onfi. Faithful readers might remember that we jacked up the Onfi back in the fall when we spent six hideous days in the hospital ripping off the Vimpat, and I guess after a month or so her levels of Onfi were enough to put her in what I thought was an overall DECLINE. I was scared, ya'll and also resigned to -- well -- you know.

To make a long story short, I took away some Onfi and do you know that Sophie perked up? She more than perked up, actually. She is WOKE. She is rowdy. She is ready to fight with the rest of us against those who would stand in our way (we're talking about you Drumpf, and you Sessions and you Price and you DeVos and all of you who condone and support them and their retro policies that will hurt her and tens of thousands like her). She is not having seizures. She takes Onfi twice a day, CBD twice a day and THC once a day.

I'm here to blow your mind

Speaking of being WOKE, what did The Neurologist say? She was thrilled that Sophie is doing well and took care of my pre-authorization needs, but she also had a few choice words to say about the current clusterf**k that is our country. She was walking out the door, scribbling on a pad, but she said, I will NOT be here if the ACA is repealed and we go back to the Dark Ages before it when I had patients begging me not to write diagnoses in their charts. I think she kept muttering that all the way down the hall before she disappeared around the corner.



WOKE AF
#resist