The Enigma of Glass

CHRISTMAS SPARROW

by Billy Collins

The first thing I heard this morning
was a rapid flapping sound, soft, insistent—

wings against glass as it turned out
downstairs when I saw the small bird
rioting in the frame of a high window,
trying to hurl itself through
the enigma of glass into the spacious light.

Then a noise in the throat of the cat
who was hunkered on the rug
told me how the bird had gotten inside,
carried in the cold night
through the flap of a basement door,
and later released from the soft grip of teeth.

On a chair, I trapped its pulsations
in a shirt and got it to the door,
so weightless it seemed
to have vanished into the nest of cloth.

But outside, when I uncupped my hands,
it burst into its element,
dipping over the dormant garden
in a spasm of wingbeats
then disappeared over a row of tall hemlocks.

For the rest of the day,
I could feel its wild thrumming
against my palms as I wondered about
the hours it must have spent
pent in the shadows of that room,
hidden in the spiky branches
of our decorated tree, breathing there
among the metallic angels, ceramic apples, stars of yarn,
its eyes open, like mine as I lie in bed tonight
picturing this rare, lucky sparrow
tucked into a holly bush now,
a light snow tumbling through the windless dark.

Merry Christmas Eve! 

And thank you, Leslie, for this poem!

Merry Christmas Eve!

Buche Wiped

Red Velvet Buche de Noel with
Peppermint Buttercream

I'm wiped out from baking and frosting and decorating but am grateful for the bit of work. I need more work in 2015, okay? Universe?

Red Velvet Cupcake with Peppermint Buttercream

Remember this photo from a few years ago? It's so silly and makes me happy:

Merry Christmas Eve, lovely readers!

Merry Christmas!

We had Christmas Eve dinner with my Uncle Tony (my father's twin) and my two cousins, Marc and Anthony. As The Husband was working (he is really the hardest working man I have ever known, and I'm grateful for how he takes care of our family), I fixed dinner -- a glazed ham, home-made biscuits with cheddar cheese, roasted butternut squash with cranberries, apples and shallots, and a salad. I made tiramisu for dessert. Everyone drank Martinelli's, and I drank the slushy milk punch that my friend J gave me the other night which I can probably give credit for my general affability through the festivities. We broke open the traditional crackers and wore our crowns, laughed at the silly jokes and tried to play a song with the whistles hidden inside. Sophie remained agitated through much of the dinner but quieted down when I brought her to her room. I think she needs the peace and quiet -- something tells me that as the seizures die down and out, she can hear and see and receive input from the world, and perhaps it's overwhelming.

It's a merry Christmas, indeed. I wish you and your loved ones a blessed one -- and thank you with all my heart for your generosity this year -- for coming here to read and to comment, for sharing your lives on your own blogs, for gracing me with your art and humor all year long. Thank you.

CBD Update

It's Christmas Eve, and we're three days into the new high CBD formula. We started on a small dose and will raise it on Sunday, but so far, so good. I haven't seen any big seizures, and the small ones are muted and quick. I've noticed that Sophie is a bit agitated and am wondering whether her other drugs are the culprit. I've learned that the interaction of benzodiazepines and CBD can be problematic. Some kids see an increase in drowsiness -- Sophie will, of course, probably be the opposite of that, so today I'm thinking that we'll begin the wean process a little earlier than I had planned. Not today, but soon. A lot of the people who are trying high CBD with their little ones have kids on multiple drugs, and many of them begin the wean right away. We're cautious weaners around here -- have withdrawn enough drugs from Sophie's poor system enough times to dread the horror of it. You have to do it slowly, by infinitesimal amounts, and wait for the response. You have to sit tight during the increased seizure period, use rescue medications, refrain from giving that tiny bit back. You have to be armored against dragon fire, maybe become a dragon, retreat into a cave with a maiden in your jaws. About ten years ago, I quit adding a third drug to Sophie's two-drug cocktail unless one of the two other drugs was weaned, and I've never regretted this decision despite the hardship of the wean process. When I hear of these kids on three-plus drugs and still seizing, I feel sick to my stomach and angry. If it's not working, it's not working, I say. It's not the full moon or getting sick or Venus in transit. It's not working. Take it off. I think it's unethical to keep adding drugs, hoping that the next will be the magical one. That being said, I understand the desperation and therefore made up my own rule: Thou shalt not add a third drug to the regimen unless one of the other two is weaned. I'm hoping that as we wean Sophie from her other drugs (if she continues to do so well!), the CBD will offer some protection, and over the next few weeks, I'll probably mull over it until the moment seems right or I get some signal or my instincts kick in or the virgin gives birth and bears drop out of trees. Now, I'm going to make some tiramisu and cheddar biscuits.

Merry Christmas Eve!

(in a Monday mustache)

The Savior must have been a docile gentleman (1487)

The Savior must have been

A docile Gentleman -

To come so far so cold a Day

For little Fellowmen -

The road to Bethlehem

Since He and I were boys

Was leveled, but for that 'twould be

A rugged Billion Miles -

Emily Dickinson

Christmas Eve...The Rest of It

 Chocolate Cake with Bittersweet Chocolate Buttercream

 Paris-Brest

 Paris-Brest and Wreaths

These Three Kings

From Orient Are

What Christmas Eve Looks Like So Far

Caramel Sauce with Sea Salt

Peppermint Hot Fudge Sauce

 Pecan Puffs Recipe from old Joy of Cooking

Still Life with Clutter

 Christmas Tree

Village Under Christmas Tree

Outdoor Vintage Santa, sort of creepy but classic

Our Front Door

 Silly Hat with Saint

 Saint

Blurry Saint, 

but it made me realize how people assign Jesus and the Virgin Mary to a slice of toast and such

Excessive Video Game Playing

Choux Pastry for Paris-Brest Order

Toe-Soak in Epsom Salts

Sunshine Girl in Purple Boudoir

Christmas Eve**

Christmas Eve, 1968

Oh, my God, Here's the Earth coming up. Wow, is that pretty!

-- Astronaut Frank Borman, the first human, along with Jim Lovell and Bill Anders, to see the Earth from space

As nations and individuals we are interdependent. It really boils down to this: that all life is interrelated. We are all caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied into a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.

-- Dr. Martin Luther King, Christmas Eve, 1967

** Thanks to my friend, Bob Cohn, for the inspiration this morning!