Sunday, December 26, 2010

Bad Mother, the day after Christmas



I've been picking up crap all day in the house, the day after Christmas the plastic and the wrappings and the empty plastic containers the foam bullets and the torpedos a helicopter blade an errant lego crumbs of a house and a candy red-nosed reindeer. I've screamed a few times, how I hate it when I scream, when I yell how I don't want to be that kind of mother but I am and as I jumped on top of the blue bin of papers trying to tamp it down, tamp it down and let it go all the way to the bottom to make more my littlest one the one who asked for more when he got so much he cried that he hated his life hated it all it was too much stuff, he said and his face looked puffy and his eyes were red as they dripped and I felt sorry, his brother coughing in the bed with a peanut butter sandwich that I'd screamed I'm not making more food at ten o'clock at night when you eat junk all day and I know the reason why your mouth hurts why you might be getting sick is because you've been eating junk, junk, for days. Who is this screaming? When he asked me to play, his lanky body strumming the fake guitar to love me do like a man he looked like a beautiful man and I sat on the couch for a second to watch and when he asked me to play I said no. Bad mother.

27 comments:

  1. Sounds more like the case of 'awesome mom had enough'. Even wonder-moms have their limits.

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  2. What Erika said. Ditto. Everyone needs a lazy day. You are 99% of the time super-woman.

    We went out in a blizzard today because I couldn't stand another moment locked in the house with my brood. And we had a party to go to where I could talk to grown-ups and happily ignore my kids.

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  3. To tired after all that Christmas energy exhausted. Be kind to yourself Elizabeth. You're not a bad mother just a worn out one. And who wouldn't be?

    Your boys will survive, and grow from the experience. Good enough love is what mothers need to give, not perfect love. Perfect love is dangerous, good enough love is enough.

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  4. Nothing to add to the first three comments--well, except to say, it's all right, alright!

    Best,
    Bonnie

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  5. This was great writing, even if the subject gave me little shivers of too recent memories.

    I suppose it would be cruel to mention that not only was my day calm , I had a nap, my husband vacuumed, and all of the kids were home before 2 am for a change. And no legos . Not a one.

    :) :)

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  6. Elizabeth, look at these moments as giving your children something to talk about when they get older. We all needed "parent" stories. Otherwise, what everyone else said. Sometimes moms are people too.

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  7. Are you saying that mothers don't come out of Norman Rockwell paintings!??!?! Shocked.

    I LOVE these stream of consciousness pieces by the way. As soon as I can tell one of them is starting up, I soak up every word. Do you have them collected somewhere? Maybe I should look back on your blog. They are wonderful snapshots.

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  8. Breathe. I'll bet there were plenty of good mom moments in your day as well. I tend to dwell on the bad, especially during the holidays with all the stress. Not sure what I can do to make things less stressful...probably getting outside will help us. Maybe you too.

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  9. All right- true story- I woke up this morning from a dream where I had gathered all my children (they were young again) and yelled at them about how messy the house was and how I was tired, tired, tired of cleaning up after them and NO MORE FUN UNTIL THEY CLEANED UP THE HOUSE!
    Really.
    Even in my dreams I'm a bad mother.
    But guess what- neither of us is.

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  10. there are days like this, and they very often happen right after christmas, and we survived when our mothers had days like this and your children will too because all mothers have days like this.

    you are a good mother. it shines through.

    i have been following silently for a while, and just want to pop my head up and say hey, you are awesome.

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  11. Umm, tired mother? Worn out mother?

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  12. You cracked me up. I had a bad mother moment when the kid and I drove to the beach and I tried to put my middle finger out at the BMW that was tailgaiting us but my son would not allow it. This after telling me That coat is for spring NOT winter and his adult pouting cuz I sat here writing all day.

    It all comes out in the wash. Especially when your kids get old enough to do the wash.
    love,
    Rebecca Super Sloth

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  13. Ack. I remember those days. It changes as they get older, the yelling is about different things. And you still feel like crap after you do it. Like the worst mom in the world. But guess what, we are both just normal, human, fallible mothers. And we love our kids more than life, and they know it. I know they do. And they learn that moms can say "I'm sorry" too, and that's not a bad thing...

    Great writing. I can't do stream-of- consciousness. You're really good at it.

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  14. We all have "bad mom" moments. The fact that we have them as moments and not "bad mom lives" is what shows that we are truly NOT bad moms. :)

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  15. (i still see your feathered halo...)

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  16. It's ok to say no!

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  17. Pshaw, that's nothing. And the things I DON'T say. Not fit for even the internet.

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  18. I am beginning to feel the pinch, a LOT. I can feel a cranky day coming, quite possibly tomorrow!! Big hugs. Jen

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  19. Christmas hangover.
    They're still little-ish, your boys. At some point you may all feel comfortable with a No More Presents edict. Or a Let's Have Some "Experience" approach instead.
    Even so, I feel a little guilty over the empty Christmas stockings hung by the fire. Almost put something in them. Almost.
    Now if I could just stop eating sweets like they're crack.

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  20. Haven't we all had these days??

    Xoxo

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  21. I was talking to a friend last night and we agreed that our kids held it together so beautifully for Christmas but after Christmas...whoa.

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  22. Not "bad." Tired. I'm still recovering and thankfully haven't throttled anyone (so far). You have stray legos, we have stray beads ...... and the candy is running out running out running out ........

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  23. Think of all the valuable lessons our children will learn from having imperfect mothers - patience, tolerance, as well as, realistic expectations of people. Heck, we're doing them a favor!

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  24. The day after Christmas I got a dog and thought, "finally a creature willing to please." How bad is that?

    Ditto to everyone who cursed the ghosts of Christmas Past...even if the past was only hours ago.

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  25. Oh, I am bad too, Elizabeth. Very bad some days. But the important thing is that I am not always bad, and they know I love them.

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