Friday, November 28, 2014

Violins, Please

Don't let appearances deceive you. That might look like a gently mussed white hotel bed, the site of countless assignations, but it's actually the place that saw a battle far more intense than those between the sexes. Sophie and I "slept" there last night, at least for a couple of hours, not counting the three when she woke up with a start and proceeded to flail, kick arch her back, have a series of myoclonic jerks, give me a bloody lip, head-butt me, fling herself into the chair backs that I had placed to prevent her from falling out and otherwise wreak havoc on my beauty rest. I'm deeply grateful for my life and for all the privileges I have, but on nights like last, I dally with fully embracing atheism. Letting go, letting God just doesn't hack it. Then again, the persistence of dawn is surprisingly enough.


  1. Having slept recently with a thrashing two-year old, I only have the barest molecule of an idea what that must be like.
    And it is NOT good.
    Bless you both.

  2. Like Mary, I've had some of those nights with a miserable toddler and they are wearying to the bone. I can barely imagine how tired those nights must make you, and hope for you to have no more like it. Poor Sophie, and bless both your hearts. I wish I had words or ideas to help. I hope writing these words gave you some solace. I keep rereading the last sentence which is sublime.

  3. Been up since 2:30 AM with mine. I get it. "Then again, the persistence of dawn is surprisingly enough." And it is: as long as there is good coffee.

  4. Thrashing instead of sleeping is torture. Sending love.

  5. These seasonal gatherings can be so hard on the not-neurotypical kiddos.
    I too was awakened early by terrible distress that needed soothing, to the extent I could. "Holiday" has had a leering, threatening ring to it for decades now.

  6. I remember sleeping with Katie while on holidays. You have to hold Katie still until she falls asleep. Good times.

    Hope you had a good thanksgiving though.

  7. I'm sorry to hear about your difficult night. I am sending you and your darling daughter prayers and good thoughts.

  8. the persistence of dawn. what a beautiful phrase.
    sending you strength and love xx



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