Thursday, February 8, 2018

Riff


Winter in NYC, 1996

This morning I held Sophie in my arms, her long legs dangling over my lap, her head resting heavily on my shoulder. I had a sort of vision a deep body-felt of her inside me, how I carried her. I closed my eyes and spoke to her in my mind and she spoke back. Language is amorphous even as the body is concrete. I might have never known that if Sophie hadn't embodied it. I can be ugly and persistent in despair. Note the placement of words. Unlike thought, words are specific. Despair is not ugly or persistent, but I am ugly and persistent in despair. There's a tenacity to strength that wears me out. It's impossible to describe. My mind drifted to the winter of 1996, a huge snow storm in NYC, Sophie's pink snowsuit, that damn backpack I needed to climb up eight flights of stairs to our tiny apartment. Sophie not yet  a year old and I just 32. There's not only love. Yet, there's love.

15 comments:

  1. That moment of communion, body felt, exquisite. So much love here.

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  2. It is impossible to describe. Your words here, sacred.
    Love to you.

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  3. The burdens we bear, within us/without us.
    We could not without the love. You are right- it's not just the love, but thank god it's there.

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  4. That is love. I wish you both well. And love

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  5. "I can be ugly and persistent in despair."

    Me too.

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  6. Thank you for this glimpse. Not only love. Yet love.

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  7. I am in awe of your grace, honesty and emotional capacity to express the un-expressable.

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  8. Gorgeous. Everything, You, Sophie, everything.

    Greetings from London.

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  9. Love indeed endures ALL things, even while we may despair in the length and difficulty extreme Caregiving requires of us. You use Words so Beautifully.

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  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  11. I am in awe of the love and strength this photo and your words radiate.
    I stumbled on this blog and wondered if you knew of this warrior mom, although she hasn't posted in years, her CBD information is very interesting.
    http://mydaughterscannabis.blogspot.com/2014/02/welcome.html
    Sending you hugs across the miles.

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