Friday, October 1, 2010

Accommodations in Wyoming

I'm not sure, exactly, what the term tapped out really means, what it refers to -- something in a bar, maybe? -- a maple tree devoid of syrup? --  but it sure describes how I feel these days. Despite the near-daily posting that I've done and a few exceptions, I'm irritated by the preponderance of pretty superficial posts I've put up in the last couple of weeks. Writing is like water, an element for me and I need to go back to digging deep. A million thoughts churn through my mind as I go about my day, but when I sit down to actually write here -- well, I'm just too dang tired.

I realized that I haven't given a Sophie update in quite some time, but I'd say, comfortably, that she is "trending better" and is due for her next infusion of IvIg next week. She is STILL not in school -- which is the main reason for me being a tad bit crazy, I'd say, but you pick your fights...  Not much is new, and when the wind turns and we get a break, well, it turns the other way just as quickly -- or not.

Erosion, giving the land its appearance, is said to be the work of water, ice and wind; but wind is, almost everywhere, a minimal or negligible factor, with exceptional exceptions, like Wyoming.
John McPhee

A relentless southwest wind blows in the Laramie Range of Wyoming. It has blown for eons, scraping the mountains bare of soil, carving out the landscape. It causes trees to grow at an angle and lifts into the air things that ought to stay on the ground. It complicates all manner of human activity. People who live there successfully have reached an accomodation with the wind; some who couldn't, went insane.

Disability is a steady west wind in our lives. It permeates our existence, altering the topography of our days and causing our family and our life to grow at an angle. Without judging the wind as good or bad, we can observe the truth of it, acknowledge the force of it in our lives, and take the measure of our accommodation.

Barbara Gill from Changed by a Child


  1. I know there are some who reckon it's best to post as close to daily as possible, to make it worthwhile, but maybe you need not.

    Maybe twice weekly or weekly is enough. That way you have more space for all the other things in your life. That way you might have more time to get back to your 'deeper' writing, as well.

    Heaven knows how you do any of this, with all you have on your plate and Sophie home from school as well.

    I should talk. I'm the biggest to get into self criticism for not doing enough. But it's always easier to urge someone else to take it slower. To be kind to yourself.

    Still I'll say it: You do enough, well enough, very well in fact. So go easy on yourself. You are too generous with yourself.

  2. I love the Barbara Gill excerpt.

    The "digging deep" itself can be exhausting. It's hard to do, even when writing is ultimately restorative, when you are so tapped out. Hope the school situation gets sorted out soon!

  3. You have a lot on your plate. No wonder you're exhausted! It is absolutely NOT necessary to blog daily... unless you're getting paid for it, then I guess it's a contract issue.

  4. People have told me about painting that it's 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration. Darn it, I don't stand a chance:). Do you write in a journal (or on bits of paper) throughout the day to keep track of ideas without having to use the computer?

    I like the Babara Gill book, I found myself relaxing somewhat as I read it, although unfortunately it didn't last as long as I would have liked.

  5. What a beautiful image and I loved reading the quotes,
    thank you!

    Good luck with your little one,

  6. I think it's probably good that in the "topography of your days" there's a desk and a computer - waiting for you to be ready.

  7. When I like someone I enjoy spending time with them no matter how much or how little they have to give.

    Come when you can.


  8. The wind can be life sustaining, blowing seeds and clouds about, or destructive, tornadoes. Katie has been both in our family, she certainly changed the shape of our family.

  9. Elizabeth, all I have to say is that I think your mind is a national treasure. And that your family is beautiful.

  10. Wow, so true that if you can't accommodate the "wind" you go insane.

  11. you are loved and admired .
    sometimes I find it hard to process the "deep" stuff until long long afterwards.
    and you are living it daily... like the wind as you say.

  12. If I say you are too hard on yourself,would it make a difference?

    I personally think you are amazing and gift to me,whether you post daily or what you can,when you can and that is always good enough.

    As for the video ... post away.And thank you ... I think this piece is absolutely amazing.

  13. I feel that wind in our lives - it's the wind of grief. It webbs and flows, but it surely shapes us. Thank you for those quotes. They released something tightly wound in me.

  14. I have that Barbara Gill book in my bookcase and remember how it touched me when I first read it years ago.

    I'm sorry that Sophie isn't in school but I'm very glad she's doing a bit better.

    I like the image of the wind twisting us out of shape! That's the way my body feels!

  15. I love that Barbara Gill. Ironically enough, i was talking about Gill's "changed by a child" just this morning. weird.

    always a joy to come here and "visit" you and your beautiful soul. hugs to sophie:)

  16. Elisabeth - I think I am one of those people who stops writing everyday (like exercising) and it's agonizing to get back to it.

    Mary -- It's funny, but I always go back to that little book.

    Kobico - I am, unfortunately, not being paid for much of anything!

    Emma -- I keep a little notebook with me (I do love notebooks!) and try to jot down ideas, always!

    Merisi - Welcome!

    Fuoriborgo - Yes. I don't know what I'd do without it!

    From the Kitchen - You know I always will!

    Claire - and so are you!

    Deb -- However you process the deep stuff, it's done so beautifully!

    Lilith - Yes, and you've probably changed the shape and arc of your beautiful Katie's --

    Ms. Moon -- That made me feel good, so thank you.

    Carrie -- That's the line that jumps out at me, as well! Great minds think alike, methinks...

    Zoey's Mom -- The feeling is mutual!

    Karen - I bow my head to you.

    Louise at Bloom -- Yes, the Barbara Gill is one of the few books that I go back to every once in a while and am never disappointed.

    Alicia - Thank you!

  17. Wow, those quotes are really astounding...especially the Barbara Gill one.

    And cut yourself some slack...sometimes I think my readers need a break from all the heavy, long posts I tend to write, too. So it goes both ways...

  18. i love ms. moon's comment.

    and this like a poem. it really is.

  19. When you talk about being "tapped out," it makes me think of a way I used to describe being beyond exhaustion (in every way) -- I would say that my shock absorbers needed refurbishing; that I felt like metal on metal with no cushion anywhere at all.

    "It's been a long season without rain." Clint Eastwood

    I wish you a tender shower for body, mind and spirit, dear friend.



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