When we walked into the church this morning to celebrate Gus' life, this was the card that some kind person placed into our hands, and the tears began to fall and continued to fall, off and on throughout the entire mass. Gus' graceful parents told the hundreds of bereft people in the church that even when they lost their composure around their son as he lay sick, he would always reassure them, Smile, I'm fine, he'd say. I sat with Henry in the church for the first time in a few years, and despite my own disconnection to it, to that symbolic Catholic faith that so many present felt, I am sure, in the most authentic of ways, I felt the presence of Love. Through twinges of anger, of loneliness, of even boredom (the kind that comes when words are said over and over, years upon years, signifying nothing), I felt the presence of Love pushing up against me. My shoulders hunched against it, this Love, at first and then they dropped as love bent its way around and over and under, Love that guides and comforts and sustains despite everything.
May we feel grateful to have shared a bit of that Love through Gus. May beautiful Gus rest in peace. May his dear parents feel Love every day for the rest of their lives.
Oh my. thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDeletesmile...I'm fine.
ReplyDeleteLovely
Sending my love your way.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful fine boy. I loved the way the Love found its way to your heart today in your writing.
ReplyDeleteAt the very bottom (and top and all throughout) it IS love, isn't it? That's it.
ReplyDeleteOh, Elizabeth.
Heartbreaking. And beautiful. I could feel you there.
ReplyDelete"I am sure, in the most authentic of ways, I felt the presence of Love. Through twinges of anger, of loneliness, of even boredom (the kind that comes when words are said over and over, years upon years, signifying nothing), I felt the presence of Love pushing up against me. My shoulders hunched against it, this Love, at first and then they dropped as love bent its way around and over and under, Love that guides and comforts and sustains despite everything."
ReplyDeleteamen.
I am smiling through tears. thank you elizabeth. love to you always.
ReplyDeleteCan't imagine that level of pain...
ReplyDeleteIt really was a love-filled gathering. And I was completely humbled by Paul and Cecelia's immense grace. I can't imagine that I would be able to muster anything close to their level of strength and loveliness. I guess Gus's comfort really did inspire them.
ReplyDeleteI wept and smiled reading your moving post about Gus and the Love he spread. Thank you for sharing this. Please know we think of you.
ReplyDeleteSweet and beautiful boy. Peace to Gus and love and light to his parents all the days of their lives as they desperately miss that smile and those soulful, insightful eyes
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful child. I'm guessing he taught a great deal of people how to live during his short life. Wow.
ReplyDeleteI love the description of how you resisted the feeling at first and then let it wash over you. A writing instructor once told me that when I feel the need to curl up and protect my heart from pain by hunching my shoulders up and forward, that is the sign that I most need to do the opposite and let the light in. Scary, but liberating.
ReplyDeleteI love the photo/card. What a special person he was.